what a doozy.





i hadnt realized how attatched i was to him.

it kind of hurt, i wont lie.


it really hurt, actually.


i started shaking. i couldnt stop. and then dry sobbing. not actual crying. just dry sobbing. it was awful. and my throat closed up and im still all dried out and water isnt helping.



but ive come to terms with it. ive let it go.


it still hurts.
but ive let it go.




theres a time and a place for everything. and we just missed ours.

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im ready for school to be over already.


i hate getting up at 640 in the morning. and then making my lunch when the thought of food disgusts me. because the thought of food disgusts me in the mornings until about 830. but im already at school by 830. so i have to make my lunch when it makes me want to puke. and not eat any breakfast.


im tired of deciding how to wear my hair and making myself where makeup every day. im tired of showering when its still dark outside. thats the point of morning showers, to shower when its not dark. but that doesnt happen. because if i want to straighten my hair i have to be in the shower at 640. not that i ever want to, but you know.



im mad that i have to miss homecoming to go to acl. amys trying to talk her parents into letting us leave after homecoming, but i dont think theyll want to drive through the night.




ryan got grounded from his phone for speeding, so that means two weeks of not talking to him, plus i was replaced by some girl on his top four. myspace is so ghey. but she actually seems sweet and nice and totally more his type than i am. it makes me sad. i didnt think it would. something stupid like that. i didnt even want to be on his top four to begin with. i didnt want him to get that attatched to me. and now that im not on it, im upset. how stupid? ive gotten attatched. more attatched than i was. when we lost touch it was okay because i had boone to keep my mind off it. but now boone and i dont talk much anymore, and i have no one to keep my mind off it, because none of the boys i like in my school like me. only creepy ones....




i need to go make my lunch and drink some milk. goodbye.

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monday:
went to all my classes, which are really good. lots of cute boys. :D
the way they did the schedule was you went 1st then 5th, 2nd then 6th, 3rd then 7th, and 4th then 8th, for those who have double blocked classes. i have golf 4th and 8th, and once we got our schedules signed, we were free to go. but i really really wanted to see shane after school, so i didnt want to call my mom. when the bell rang i saw the swimmers get up and start walking somewhere, so i went to talk to stephen and asked where they were going. they were going to a classroom to be more 'comfortable' and i asked if i could go with them. he said i would probably get in trouble, but i went anyway, and sat in the very back corner. so were hanging out for a while, and its really cramped in the room, and then one of the coaches is like 'okay, with all the new freshmen there are alot of people wondering whos who and whatnot. so i want everyone in turn to come up here and say their name, their grade, and what they swim. were gonna start with the very back corner.' of course that would be me. so he makes me go up to the front of the room and im like 'well, im hannah. im not actually a swimmer but we have an open right now for golf and i dont have a ride home, so stephen said i could come hang out with yall.' it was so embarissing. but everyone just laughed.


tuesday:
tue/thur classes are world history, and the teachers is amazing. she's a swimming coach [we went to her room for swimming monday, haha] and a HASS. and shes so cool. like. she doesnt care. she teaches. but she doesnt care if youre late or if you cheat or w/e. shes awesome. but i sit in the very front and her class is sorta boring and the way she teaches is hard to follow, but i cant sleep cuz im in the very front.

then i have a computer class at the atc, which was a multimedia class and the teacher was cool, but there was overflow and i wanted to do a photoshop class more than that one, so i applied for a schedule change.

then we get back from the atc about 15 minutes early so me and alyson just sit and talk about people. shes a sweetheart and just moved to lhs from monterey. im really glad we have the atc together.

then lunch. dont remember what happened that day...

then biology, which is alot of fun. i have the good teacher this year. but we have it w/alot of freshmen, because they dont take ipc anymore. most of them are annoying.

then golf. this is a funny story. we had an open that day, but i wasnt aware. i thought we were meeting in the auditorium, and when no one was there, i thought that we actually had practice. but. theres no bus to golf and i hadnt tried to get a ride. so i went to the office to wait after school, and this senior who i have french with had office aid as a class. and we kept making eye contact and MAN. i would tap that! in like a second. haha. but seriously. hes hottttt. theres lots of background story about him, but it doesnt really matter to me, so it doesnt matter to you either. hes just hot. and hes a really attractive mole. :]


wednesday:
algebra 2. its a really fun class. lots of fun people. and the teacher is kris' mom. shes a sweetheart. i like her alot. she might be my favorite.

then french. we dont have ms beazley for the first 6-weeks. but we do have some hotties. formerly mentioned zack, and this guy preston, who seems like such a sweet guy and i just want to cuddle with him. and date him. and run my hands through his curly blonde hair.
he talked to me about the whole 'not a swimmer' thing, because he is one. so we have a connection. :]

again, dont remember lunch.

english. good class. i sit behind ksenia, so we talk alot. um. yeah?

golf. got a ride this time. the coaches are absolutely amazing and dont care that i suck hardcore at golf. one of them played basketball with my mom and one was her basketball coach. the coach was my moms favorite teacher, in fact. so they were like 'thats a name to remember.' i feel like im going to be letting them down a bit. but its okay. everyones told me that you get alottttt better.

thursday:
went to my fun photoshop class, which i have with alyson, and sit next to her. it was pretty sweet.
met some of the freshmen in biology. theres a kid named christopher casanova. can you say fking sweet name?

first football game of the year. it was a blast. no kidding. i mean. we suck. but who cares? the games are funnnnnnn.

friday:
bad bad bad bad day.

woke up late and my hair looked like crap.
forgot my alg book and my alg hwk, so i had to copy from yasvhi and borrow nicks book.
didnt get to flirt w/either of the hotties much in french.
just felt lame in english.
had an open for golf and hung out w/prestons little brother, whos a cutie, and shanes little brother, whos weird. theyre both freshmen swimmers so they had opens too. so we were hanging out, waiting for the bell to ring so we could go to lunch w/friends and....





a bird pooped on me.

i wanted to cry. and carson gave me like the most concerned look when i came out of the bathroom afterwards. he was like 'are you okay?' it made me want to melt, to be honest. hes a sweetheart, just like his brother. if he wasnt a freshman, i might like him. psh. i might date him anyway. well i mean. idk. maybe once hes a bit older. because since hes a band guy, he has the band guy freshman mentality. thats not good dating material. but hes still really sweet. so ill let him mature a bit and then things will be good.

went to eat with caitlin.



went to waze daze, which was a blast. and i wanted to jump shane the whole time. and i did the dunking booth and zach gave me a huge hug. it was nice.








then yesterday, which doesnt have to do with school, i went to the family reunion and brought amy with me and we drove the ppv and decided to have a pedal powered revolution. more on that once its more organized.


today was my grandparents 50th anniversary reception, and my cousin barbara came in. now that we're older we get along so well. shes an absolutely amazing person. and shes got a bf whos so unnatractive, but has the kindest eyes ive ever seen. im so happy for her.



thats it. no school tomorrow. the end.

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soon.

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who woulda known it would be so much fun?

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i have alot. im not sure why. maybe the last friday of summer. maybe friends. maybe. i dont know. but its all in there. ready to erupt like a volcano out my eyes.

the day went as follows:


i woke up at 1215.
i took a shower.
i went with my dad to target, ralphs, and biglots, for school supplies and music.
i came home.
i made plans to go to the mall with a boy i havent really ever talked to before two nights ago basically.
i called amy in desperate need of her accompiament. i spelled that wrong.
we walked around for about 30 minutes.
i called the guy to see if he was there.
he was.
it was awkward.
jenifer called amy.
amy and i went to sugar browns to hang out out with bj, stephen, and jenifer. it was fun.
we went outside.
jordan, john, ryan loveland, haley, and corina showed up.
i talked to them.
the first group left.
my dad wouldnt let me stay at amys. i got pissed. its the last friday of summer damnit.
i got lots of nervous energy.
ryan rives called me.
he told me he loves me.
he told me he loves me.
he told me he loves me.





thats not what gave me the nervous energy though. cuz when he called i was pacing around in circles.






meanwhile boone and i's relationship has turned into just a sexual joke. we talk maybe once a week at the most, and its nothing real.







fuck. i meant to freewrite and figure out wtfs wrong with me. but i cant.

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