mystery trip was fun. midevil times and six flags and hurricane harbor. we got rained on alot.



i got a killer back massage. it gave me chills.



im already tense again.





since you wanted some of my prose, here are a few. nothing uber current because ive been out of town, but i only started writing alot again about 3 weeks ago.


I never catch the clock at 11:11. Really. I don’t. I’ll catch the clock at 11:10, look away, look back, and see that it’s 11:12. I think there’s a time warp or something, just for that one minute. And just on me.
And when I do catch the clock at 11:11, my wish never comes true.




ironically, i just caught the clock at 1111, and didnt know what to wish for.

i really liked this one, and even though its kind of dated, i still think its my favorite.


My half birthday was on a stormy but dull day, a day to match my mood. I’d been dumped unceremoniously two days prior, probably a perfect way to end such an unceremonious relationship. I’d woken up early that morning, planning to show him. Oh yeah, I would show him. I straightened my hair, and for once, it did what it was told. It hadn’t been straightening like that since I got it cut to my jaw line, months before. I wore a white strapless dress over jeans, and even put on eyeliner. I wore the heels that everybody liked, the heels that he liked. I plastered on a fake, but perfectly lip glossed smile, sprayed on more perfume than was quite necessary, and stepped out the door into a new, if not quite as brave as I hoped, world.
—It’s going to rain today, my mother told me in the car.
—I know, that’s why I’m wearing jeans, I smiled.
I’m quite aware that my logic didn’t make any sense. I know now that she was referring to the whiteness and lack of straps of my short dress. At the time, I thought she was talking about the temperature. Obviously, my brain does not function in the mornings.
I took a gulp of water as I walked up to my friends, standing in the hall, where they did every morning. There was Amy, just like always. There was Evan, just like always. And there was Jordan, and, just like always, he was standing next to him.
—You can stand next to him if you want, Jordan said to me with a wink. —I’ll move if you want me too.
—Jordan, we broke up.
—Oh…
Well, it came as a shock to me, too.

When I stepped out the door of my French classroom, I saw him stepping out the door of his Spanish classroom. We were walking right next to each other on the stairs, with nothing but the hand rails to separate us. We didn’t talk. We didn’t talk at all.
And when I stepped out of the west doors, out of the school, I realized the fatality and irony of my wardrobe choice.
I was wearing a white strapless shirt on possibly the rainiest day in months. And I would not be getting the kiss in the rain that I so desperately wanted.
And my perfectly straight hair was no longer perfectly anything, except for perfectly soaked.





this is from the same day, i think.

There’s something about reflections in water. When it’s getting dark and a street light or a car light shines on them, something happens. You can see into them. There sits a flipped image, in the gutter, of the trees, or the street sign, or even you.
And something about it is different. It seems more real than life. It seems like you could jump in and come out in a different reality, where colors are brighter, and lines are sharper, and things pop out more.
But if you jumped into that reality, where everything is bigger, better, more… wouldn’t life be harder? You would be happier, but you would be sadder, too. That reality, that world where everything is to the extreme, seems like such a sweet escape. But I’m scared to escape into something that is even worse.


i just really liked this simile.

My emotions run haywire, like one of the half-finished projects that my dad used to leave lying around the house, sitting on the tables, shiny and… confusing.


It’s a book I like to read that makes me like this, I think. That gives me the bad feeling, the falling feeling in my stomach. But it’s not a bad feeling, it’s just so much emotion with in me that my heart can’t contain it and it moves to my diaphragm and my belly and my throat and my eyes and my soul. It’s a book I like to read that makes me like this.
And in this book there are so many descriptions of almost this very emotion, this overload of emotion, this emotion spilling from every inch of me, thinning or thickening my blood, how ever you would put it, that the emotion is heightened. This emotion that is all emotions at once, that is happy and sad and angry and confused and delighted and shocked and in love, all at once.
It’s a book I like to read that makes me like this.



okay, thats it. if you read all of it you are amazing. and i love you.

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i had fun.


except when we were blowing bubbles and henry was standing there and i just wanted him... i wanted him.



but its okay.



i love some people. just love them.




ive been writing alot. just like, random paragraphs. prose, i guess. theyre kin to what i would write on here, but with better grammar and capital letters. im not sure if ill put any of them on here, but i might if someone wants me to.


does anyone want me to?

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officially.


but im not really a sophomore either.

im not sure what i am, exactly.






pirates is tonight.


:D

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to write down my dreams. the odd ones i have, anyway.


this was this morning, i think, after nearly thirteen hours of sleep.

i return to my elementary. my first elementary. but people from my last elementary are there as well. taylor swift and michael austin. the elementary very vaguely resembles the real thing, but i know it is that because it is so far away from the city. an eighteen wheeler filled with boxes of icecream is driving out of the small town, towards the city. michael, taylor, and i jump into the back. we ride in it until the city, and once we get to the 90-somethingth street light, we decide to turn the truck while we are not in the turning lane and the light is turning green. how we turn the truck i am not sure, as we are in the back. i think it is something with our weight, but instead of turning it, it flips onto its side. we run out of it to a cotton field that is not there in real life. we walk back to the school. we wonder what the teachers will say, and i decide to say i was in the bathroom crying for the hour and a half that we were gone. 'i just missed this place so much' is what ill use as my excuse.

we are across from the golf course, but still at the school. suddenly, my friends are vampires, and people are after me. i am watching from the perspective of a nice guy dressed all in black. i am fighting for me, and i watch myself, all dressed up, run towards the golf course. i continue to fight. i am pushed by numerous people into a room. i am now only fighting one person, but as i cut him with my sword, he multiplies. his multiple people do not multiply, though. he cuts himself to multiply himself. as he gashes his stomach, a black box is dropped on top of him. this black box stops him from multiplying and squishes him down. when he cant multiply, he dies. but i have been given a horrible wound. i start to die as well, but first tell a passing woman dressed in a skin tight white suit to tell the real me that i will 'find safety in ithica.'

i am running past one of my friends, dressed all in black, across to the golf course. a woman dressed in a skin tight white suit tells me that i will find safety in ithica. i am wearing a white ball gown that is hard to run in, but i am running fast. i am running across the golf course to a row of houses that are painted many shades of blue, as well as white. i pick the prettiest colored house and go into it. a nice plump lady is talking to someone else. i tell the lady that this used to be my home, when i was little, and royalty. i look at the decal on the glass door, which says 'east thisca; special scents...' and i decide that this is ithica. i tell the lady i trust her because i was told that i would find safety in ithica, and this is ithica. she gives me some 'special scents,' which are just pieces of scented paper, and lets me stay the night. we are on a staircase when a man behind her says 'knife.' we turn around in shock and he says 'its five, we needa go to bed.' i decide that i misheard him saying five, not really knife. she tells him that this is true, and tells me that this is her husband.

i wake up and realize that its 750. i have to leave in ten minutes.

i didnt leave until 815.


today was the last full day of school. awesome, huh?


EDIT

more dreams. or, another dream, which i forgot.

some background info: i've been reading uglies lately, and im at the part where they capture everyone.

i meet a boy. hes gorgeous. he looks like one of the guys off of the realworld. we are in love, or something. we spend lots of time together, just doing cute couply stuff. then, we all get captured. they split us into groups of five and make us sit in circles. this gorgeous boy, david, i think, and yashvi are both in my group. we have to go on a mission if we want to survive. they tell me i can go home if id like, but it will be much harder for my group. i look to my left, and there is yashvi. 'but yashvis my best friend!' i say. they tell me that i would still rather go home. i look to my right, and there is david. 'but, but... its... he...' im not sure if i have forgoten his name or if im speechless. i give him a huge hug, and see eric lee step into the circle. 'and thats eric!' so i go on the mission.

our mission is to kill a pretty, a socialite. david and i go into a house that reminds me of my grandmas house, and look through the couple's house. the girl wakes up and is incredibly sweet to me. she gives me clothes and i realize that i could never kill her. david and i go to a store that is like walmart, and the same lady who told me that i could go home asks us how our mission is going.

we run away to the library. here, it gets blury. it fades into the dream at my elementary school, and i remember specifically a beautiful sky, a sunrise or a sunset, with fluffy pink and orange clouds. there are many trips back to the library, or maybe just a specific shelf in the library. i get many books, but then realize that i want to purchase some gold nailpolish, and stick it in my purse. then i take the books i want to to check out out of my purse and put them back on the shelf. thats all i remember.

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weird weekend...


dont feel like going into all the details...

im a tad bit confused?




but im not as bad at guitar hero as i thought i was!

ummmm... thats not exactly true, but at least im better than maddie.



i got a cool summer job. very artistic. its for my granddad. shveet!


acl tickets are almost sold out. damnit.


ill go next year though.



i need new music to like. i hate liking all the mainstream stuff, even though i heard it first.



like ben kweller. i got his cd for christmas. i love his lyrics, i love his voice, i love his music in general.


last night wendy asked me if id heard of him.


YES I HAVE WHY DOESNT ANYONE LISTEN TO ME WHEN I TELL THEM ABOUT GOOD MUSIC?!



it makes me want to move to some obscure place... not really obscure, but just far away.



i will live in australlia when i grow up. australlia or california. australlia because its the only place that the videos in human geo. dont say is going to hell, california because it seems like it would be an easier place to get a job as an art therapist.


i dont know. this has been random and long.


i need new music. suggestions?


ps i know i said that twice. it was just to reinforce the statement.

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wow.



today was the last friday of the school year.





the last class ill ever have in my life with josh.






it made me kinda sad. but it was a fun class.


listen to candy mountain run by bruce hornsby.


it is euphoric.



so is anything else by bruce hornsby, or anything by billy joel.







my new loves. :]

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