:D



this summer will be the summer of all summers.


i was thinking about it, and i know exactly what to do. ive figured it out.


there will be mall outings.

and a job.


and lots and lots of movie renting and movie going.


i will swim more
and lay out more
and see more shows.


i will go to the park more.
i will keep in touch with the people i want to keep in touch with,
and avoid people that annoy me, because ill be able to, because i wont have to see them every day.

yep. the summer of all summers.








so its yearbook signing time. i get so poetic and emotional around now. i feel like pouring my heart out in peoples yearbooks, telling them how much they mean to me. i really want to be remembered as someone who doesnt hide her emotions, who isnt afraid of saying things to people, of letting them know that she cares for them.

i know what i want to say to some people, and to some people i have no idea, i just let it flow from the pen.








just think what itll be like when im a senior...

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and then we'll take it higher.






hells yeah we will.



anyway.


ive started wearing eye makeup.

i usually dont wear makeup. but now i wear eyeliner and bright eyeshadow. purple and yellow.


its really pretty... but idk if its really me or not... i like my non-lined eyes. i know they arent as defined, and they dont pop as much, and i know its fun to get compliments. i mean, im not gonna lie, the ego boost feels great. its just that...


i dont know. i have this image. i think part of it is being able to look great with out makeup. and all the compliments make me feel like i dont really look great with out makeup.


i dislike confusion.



theres a guy at my school that id like to be friends with. i dont wanna date him or anything, he just seems like a really, really interesting person.

ive eaten lunch with him once, because hes good friends with gracie, but i dont think i really talked to him.

hes very liberal, i think. i want to get to know him. but i dont know how to just... get to know people...





its been raining alot lately. tuesday and wed. it poured. and me being the lucky freshman who cant drive to lunch, i was soaked.

amy is my hero though. she went to the front of pizza hut and asked for a trash bag. which she then tore a hole in for her face. and wore. like a rain parka.







there are 9 more days of school, one of them a friday and two of them finals days.
there are 13 more days until school is out.


i cannot wait.

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ho
ly
fuck
ing
cow.




im going to austin this summer.

and im going to see the remus lupins.


live.

and in concert.



before seeing the harry potter movie.

















ah, sweet jubilee!

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well, this weekend has been quite the eventful one.




no more me and henry.


didnt even last two weeks, but what can ya do? he broke up w/me, but i knew it was gonna end soon anyway.

i guess im kind of resigned. makes it easier to admit my feelings for kris, at least.


i just dont like the way we talk now. i wish we had been able to talk like this while we were dating. we're talking like we're really good friends, like we dont have any history or anything.




lame.




there were funny people at taco villa yesterday.


i got to hang out w/john all last night. man, i love that boy. i want to marry someone like him, if i marry anyone. not that i should be thinking about that as a freshman.




all these people at my school are like OMG HE PROPOSED TO ME! and im like wtf, you have your whole life ahead of you, you dont need to get married.


anyway, this is lame. im going to the library today. woohoo! i love to read. :]

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so, i would consider this thing that i have with henry my first highschool relationship, right? my first real highschool relationship. we go on dates,we hang out, we make out...

its not a hookup, and its not something that belongs back in elementary school.

but its not right.

somethings wrong here.



we got in a fight last night. it was stupid, but not really.



he has this way of bringing up sex, all the time.

and i dont wanna talk about sex. i mean, geez, thats what your guy friends are for, not your girlfriend. so he asked me how come i always acted different when he said stuff like that.

i guess im more prude than i like to act, i told him.


well, he said, what can you do. we both want different things out of this relationship.



do what? i didnt get it. what was he telling me?


he was telling me that 'i want something more physical, and you... i dont know what you want.'


um, well, sorry henry, i guess i thought you liked me for more than just my physical attributes.



thats not what he meant, he said. but i didnt know what he meant.




he told me he didnt want to talk about it anymore. i said fine. 30 minutes later i asked if he was mad at me.

he said he wasnt.


he was lying. im positive he was lying. he hasnt been acting like a boyfriend. he hasnt even been acting like himself.







meanwhile, ive been talking to kris. something that puts a real smile on my face, though i cant tell if its because i like him, or because i love his friendship. i dont think it really matters. he makes me smile, and he knows me a million times better than henry does. if kris and i get in a fight, i can talk to him about it, i can work it out. but if henry and i get into a fight, i dont know what to say. hes so...




distant. he doesnt tell me whats going on, and it seems almost like its not worth figuring out anyway, because itll just start another fight.



thats all i do with henry. make out or fight. whats the point?



the point is, i like him. i really do. i just... i dont know if i like dating him.

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was awesome.



well, for me and henry and angelo. caitlin and katie didnt like it. but i loved it.



i love midnight showings.




all my itunes music got deleted. it sucked.


me and john want to hang out tonight. damn our lack of cars and/or drivers liscenses.

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