this is one of the prose that i've written... wrote it just now, thought i would do that instead of doing two, one where word correts spelling and grammar and caps automatically and one where nutang just doesnt care. here it goes:



The music makes me feel alive. A band with loud enough music for me to not be able to hear hours later, situated on a coffee shop stage with the couch moved off, to the very front row, and me sitting on it, is all I need. Happiness swam through me the whole time, through the heat and the awkward moments and the laughter and the tears and the smile that was on my face for so long. And when he moved his feet and when he screamed into the mic and when he played the guitar and when the drummer laughed at me because I had the dopy smile on my face and I couldn’t wipe it off, I was happy. I was happy the way I was happy when we saw the tigers, and when I found that perfect jacket, and when a cute boy gave me a smile and a wink and I kept on walking, but it was okay because that smile and wink would stay with me. And when the bass player shook his curly locks and took his solo and it sounded like eighties music the smile and the giggles just got bigger and louder. And I couldn’t help thinking life is good, I am happy, this is all I need. And when I caught the clock at 11:11 for once, I knew exactly what to wish for.
And if my wish comes true, I will be this happy as often as I can, even when I’m sad, because I have all I need. I have the local music that makes me like this, and the pictures of the tigers, and the perfect jacket hanging in my closet, and the smile and the wink will always stay with me. And my ears will never stop ringing.

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but i just cant figure out what to write. so i think im going to forget how stupid it all probably sounds and just write.





i made a new friend. ive known her for a couple of months, but when i first met her i didnt like her. i thought that she was hogging john all to herself. i realize now that amy and i were just being stupid and refusing to get to know her. she is an amazing person. shes like me, except... amplified. shes what i would like to be. shes edgy, and vegetarian, because she doesnt know where to find organicly raised meat, and she knows all the cool music, and shes dating henry. shes just. cool. shes a regular at sugar browns and she knows how to have fun. i want more friends like her, but then i dont.






last night i talked on the phone for four or five hours. it was amazing. i havent talked like that in at least a year. that was the longest id ever talked to austin. i really think the longest conversation ive ever really had w/him has been fifteen minutes or so after school. i got to know him. he is amazing.



hes the most caring guy i have ever met. possibly the most caring person i have ever met. the way he talks about people just makes me happy. and hes so trustworthy. everyone tells him everything. that is a commonly known fact. its easy to open up to austin, to just tell him things. but he didnt tell me anything about other people. he didnt gossip. he talked about himself and he talked about me and he talked about people he was involved with, but he never gossiped. it was so... refreshing.


also his favorite movie is pagemaster, which is amazing.

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im back.


i dont know what to write, where to start. i feel like i should have lots to talk about, because i have so many emotions right now, but even i cant decode what the emotions mean. i feel really bummed and like im missing a big part of my life. im not sure what that part is, though.


oh. um. i snuck out last night. amy and i did. we drove around lubbock looking for evans house and got lost four times. were underage and it was after curfew. we dont even have liscenses. one time a cop was driving right behind us. one time we turned on a turn around and three cops were lined up right there. we didnt get caught.



i should feel elated. i snuck out. ive been wanting to sneak out since last summer. and i snuck out.






i just feel lame.

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shes here for ten days.



and im being forced to spend every one of those ten days w/her.


i mean, i understand that if i went to san antonio i would really appreciate it if she hung out w/me the whole time.

BUT I NEVER GO TO SAN ANTONIO FOR FREAKING TEN DAYS!!!



i mean, geez. so we get along well enough, but we dont have much in common.


i mean...


me: so what do you wanna do this week/ten days?
her: ummmmm idk.......
me: do you wanna go to sugar browns?
her: ummmmmmm whats that?
me: its this really really great coffee shop, its awesome.
her: ummmmm i guess.
me: well, madison, do you actually want to? i mean, i dont want you to go if you dont want to.
her: no...nooo... i do...
me: okay...


so then amy was borrowing some rented dvds from her and i called her to make sure that she would return them on time. she said sure, then asked if i could take my cousin w/me to paint her room. i mean, i promised amy that i would help her paint her room before summer even started, before i even knew when madison was coming to town. i told id try, but when i asked madison she was like... 'ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm idk.... i dont really know her....'





ummmmmmmmmmm i have a life, and youre taking up a tenth of my summer. i dont have a tenth of a summer to give up. theyre taking away almost all of our in-school breaks for this summer, you will NOT waste it...




and now im at home because i got my permit [YAY!] and so i ate w/my parents and now i can type this w/o being afraid she'll walk up behind me, but ill not be getting on nutang again for about five more days. christ.





I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!!

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i have nothing to write.


summer is more hectic than school was. wtf?



tonight we broke glowsticks and sprayed them around amys living room and kitchen.



john got his lip pierced and it really made me want to kiss him.


henry got offended when i told him i finally got over him. that didnt make any sense to me, since hes the one who ended the relationship.






fuck. im out of clean clothes.

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i desperately want to go to acl. so amy and i came up w/our 'low-budget-live-like-hippies-for-four-or-five-days' plan.


its killer.


we save lots of money through out the summer... buy our tickets now. take a bus to austin [round trip is $100 a person]. stay in a hostel. bring our own food, and $20 a day for meals. eat cheap. really cheap. really cheap, so we can combine that w/our spending money for the concerts. thats it.


were gonna do it. we are.



i promise. :D

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