it was awesome.



need i say more?



well, i will later. for now, just know that it was awesome.

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they were weirdddd. weird weird weird.


dream number one.
[heres some background info. we dont have a dryer so when we do laundry in the summer it hangs on the line. im a lazy ass and my laundry is still out there from a few days ago.] so in my dream, i needed to get clothes. but i look outside and its raining. so im like crappppp. and i run outside and its raining and my clothes are like dripping. like crazy, like as if theyd just been dunked in a tub of water and not rung out. and then... they stopped. all of a sudden. the rain stopped, and the clothes werent dripping, but it was still very grey outside. i thought 'this seems like a scary movie' and went to get the clothes i wanted to wear. they were slightly damp, but that is all.




dream number two.
alot of my friends and i were at some harry potter gathering of some sort. we were playing lots of harry potter games and stuff, and amy and i wanted to go to the snack machines, but one of the mean lunch oversee-ers from my elem was like, gaurding it. so we couldnt go to the snack machine. but then we were at this park sort of place and it was me and amy and ashley and i think these two guys. it was fourth of july and i could not wait to see the fireworks. only thing was, i knew we wouldnt be able to see them as well from here as we would at mackenzie park. we were relativetly close, just like a mile, and we probably could walk there, but we knew that we would get in trouble by all the teachers and whatnot, because our parents were coming. but then ashley and i saw one of the busses to mackenzie park and got on. only the bus driver was going the wrong way, and he was a really awful driver. he was showing us how the bus worked, like, how to drive it, and it didnt make any sense. we almost got ran over like 4987547892 times, and finally he just got out and ran away. so ashley and i turned the bus around, but it was really hard to control, so after we almost got hit by a semi we got out of the bus and started walking back. and it took us forever and finally we got to this bridge and there were all these people on it and i was like bawling and i asked this lady where her car was and she said pretty far away, why? and i told her i needed to get back to the park where everyone was at, and then someone showed me a flyer that said that ashley was missing, only it said her name was alyssa, and then she was gone and i couldnt find her. and so i was like freaking out even more and someone told me that she had gone home and i saw this little memory thing of her seeing her dad, and all was well there, and then the lady from whom a ride i had asked for took me down to the park or w/e and i saw all my friends, and we were all like seniors now? and it was weird.

the end.

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lately ive been feeling really, really happy.

i cant explain this happiness. i think it might be due to the relationship of sorts that im in. but that couldnt be it, because of the four or five hours between us. ive been talking on the phone with him every night, and wanting, more than anything, to be with him.

when we were together at camp it seemed almost as if we had been together for ever. there wasnt anything formal about it, we just were. it was a good thing. things are easy with him, despite the distance. words flow from my mouth when i speak with him, all my defences are down. i know he will make fun of me for things, but i dont care. i say what i feel. im not afraid to be me.


today my family and i went out for my grandmothers birthday at the rib crib. it was a fun experience, and the food was great, but by the end of it i was ready ready ready to leave. i was ready to go home and wait for it to be nine so i could dial the long distance number and know that i wasnt waisting money talking to my boyfriend for hours. but my family had different ideas.

"can you take a picture?" my granddad, D, handed his camera to the hostess holding open the door for us. she complied, but of course it took us three times to find the perfect place for us to stand. then we had to take two pictures, because God forbid one came out bad. and then they talked.

"oh yeah, blablabla, weddings, blablabla, deaths, blablabla..." why couldnt they have talked about this the two hours we were at the table?? i walked around the corner of the restaurant, in the direction of our car.

as i turned the corner this overcoming sense of... something... overcame me. it washed away everything. i didnt need to be with boone, and i didnt need to leave. i could stand there for forever. and then i looked across the parking lot.


there was a golf course with a pond. the course was green and inviting and i felt like i could run through it and never stop.


i spent my childhood on that golf course, digging in the sandtraps and racing across the... the field? what ever it was, my cousins and i spent days on that golf course.

then my other grandparents, the ones who had the whole golf course as their backyard, moved. i havent been back on that golf course since.





ps. i finally came up w/something to write!!!



pps. dilated is cooler than you.

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i was lying there, looking at my shirt, after i finished... and you could see my shirt moving. thats how hard my heart was beating.








ps. sorry i havent been commenting back and whatnot. ive been at a loss for words lately.

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who else is reading it?

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again.




soooooo much to say.



later.

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