those happy but sad days.

and the wanting to talk but not having anything to say.



my vocabulary and sentence construction today has been exceptional, and i have no way to show it off.



because i have nothing to say.



ive been reading peoples blogs on myspace, and it makes me feel...

i dont know.



they only blog when somethings going on in their lives. something big, important, profound.


there isnt really anything, big, important, or profound going on in my life right now.


i mean, theres the whole josh thing. but im not going to say anything about that on a blog.



i want to write something big, important, and profound, and i want to use big, important, and profound words, and i want to feel good about what i write.




but all that comes out is shit.

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but then i dont.



its been one of those days. where youre happy. but youre incredibly not. like, you have nothing to be upset about.



but you cant help but whine.


yeah, that was my day.



i mean, i know that its just hormones and whatnot, but... i cant help it.



its been a long week.

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johns dad just moved to west virginia.




im kinda glad john hates his dad.


because if he didnt, he might move there with him.



so my dad is pissing me off alot lately.


alotttt.



i mean, of course its my hormones taking hold, but seriously. he knows i wont be happy this week, and he just continued to do things that he knows annoy the fuck out of me.


like reading the conversations on my computer.


and just.


blah, everything.


like, i wore a sweater today and it ended up getting really hot after school, but i didnt wear a shirt underneath the sweater, so i turned the ac on full blast when he picked me up. and he kept turning it off.


i was like dad, no, its too hot.


he kept messing w/it. turning it down and off.


shouldnt bother me, but it does, and he knows it.






im very anti-parents at the moment, if you cant tell.



see, they dont want me hanging out w/josh until they meet him. and of course i dont want them to meet him. at all.


but he has the house to himself all week, and he wants to get together.

with me.



i guess, thats a given. but yeah.


but of course, i have no excuse to hang out w/him.

cuz none of my friends really like him, none of the ones im really close w/anyway, or they dont know him. so i cant be like amy and i are gonna go hang out w/josh cuz that would be a lie.



and fuck, i hate lying to my parents.



if its little things, about like, idk... that i dont have hwk. i dont care about that. i lie about that all the time, cuz i know ill just copy off someone elses paper.


but this kinda stuff.


like, his age. they think hes a junior.


and idk. i know ill get caught. i just know it. i mean, look at ksenia and keeley. they cant do anything w/o getting caught. and im sooo much less smooth than them. so how would that work for me?




yeah. it wouldnt.


idk. i guess i could hang out w/ksenia and say we were hanging out w/josh, but that might trigger a memory in my moms head, where i told her that ksenia was being a dumbass and going out w/a senior named josh and kept getting caught.


ha. ironic, huh?


or i could hang out w/clarissa, cuz he thinks clarissa is really cool, and she seems to be able to put up w/him. but im sure it would just be too awkward, since i neverrrr see clarissa, so i always feel fake when i talk to her, cuz we dont talk anymore.


um.

who else is there that i could hang out w/w/him?

uhhhh.

i wonder if ronnie and him are friends?

my mom trusts me to the end w/ronnie, because i mean.... ewh. ive known ronnie forever and hes just annoying. so if ronnie came w/us.


dude.



thats so perfect.




except i dont think theyre very good friends. or even friends at all.



hmmm. im sure john would help me out.

and of course my parents trust me w/john, even though they hardly know him at all.


its cuz ive talked about him a bunch. if i had talked about josh alot, they would trust me w/him too. like they trusted me w/kris when we went to the movies.


see, it was things like this that i didnt talk about jon around them for. i knew they would freak out unless they met him.




they did.


and its happening again.

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we were warm until we went to hell.




where they keep the ac on 63 degrees and below in the middle of winter, but seem to find all the air conditionors broken the minute spring comes along.



that would be my place of learning. yes, the school.


but really. this month theres only two weeks left. then all of next month. then all the way until the twenty-fifth in may.


not really that much time.


so i need to get a job!!!


damn this age of mine!

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me: i never get tans before schools out
josh: haha but this year u did
me: yeah
me: ive done lots of stuff this year that ive never done
josh: like wht?
me: uhhh
me: kissed a guy before he kissed me
me: thrown a huge party
josh: xd
josh: haha rly huge party?
josh: was there alcohol?
me: no
me: but drank alcohol is another one
josh: ooo
josh: u rebel :P
me: hehe
me: played guitar hero
josh: hahaha


its crazy. i wonder what the rest of the year will bring?




me: kissed a guy before he kissed me
josh: xd


that was him. but not. i kissed a boy first in october, too.

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hello horrible life.


that was an exageration. but yeah.



i kissed josh last night.

it doesnt really count for anything.

but still.








i wanna do it again.

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