Here's what I plan on doing that day:

1. Waking up super early.
2. Picking up Corina because she will be baby sitting during my birthday dinner.
3. Going to Market Street to get breakfast foods.
-Matt works at the Market Street by her house.
-Matt is the boy who saved my life the other night.
-Matt might be there.
4. Finding a place for a great picnic.
5. Having a great picnic.
6. Getting an early morning showing of Changeling with Lyndsey (and Steven and Jared?) because I WILL BE 17 AND CAN GO SEE R RATED MOVIES WITHOUT MY PARENTS!
7. Going to the library to study for Aca Deca from noon until six.
8. Running home to get ready.
9. Going to the Olive Garden for dinner with my best friends, sans Corina.
10. Who knows what after that?

Then on Sunday I'm:
1. Going to church.
2. Going to Pie Wie for the family birthday lunch.
3. Going to the library to study Aca Deca until six again, once that is over.

Then Monday we're having Aca Deca lunch in Mrs. Wickersham's room.
Then Tuesday we're having Aca Deca then Aca Deca lunch in Mrs. W's room again.
Then Wednesday we're having normal Aca Deca lunch, and probably a cram session after school.
Then Thursday we're having Aca Deca and then the Super Quiz bowl. Eep!


We refuse to lose to Coronado again. That was awful. They beat us by 2 questions. Ickkk.

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And that's all I've got to say about that.


I went to church yesterday for the first time since the first or second week of school.
I have no idea how I feel about it. It was good to be around Jackson and Ronnie, I really miss them. And then we went to youth and that was fun, too, but I just felt... weird. Hmph. I don't know.


I woke up early this morning! Because it was light when my alarm went off! Love the time change.

I thought I had more to say than this...

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I could not tell you how many times I said that phrase last night.

There are two important rules of drinking alcohol. The first is "Liquor before beer, you're in the clear. Beer before liquor, you've never been sicker." The second is do not drink alcohol when all you've had to eat that whole day is a few bites of a bagle, a piece of tofu, and an apple.

Yesterday I was going to go home, sleep until 3, get ready, go to Amy's house around 6, eat a whole lot of tofu, go to the game, go to the Mountain Goats show, and go to Natalie's party, where I would not get outrageously drunk, but only slightly drunk.

I slept until 4, cutting down my getting ready/erand running time by an hour. Then, when I finally got to Amy's house at about 6:45, I was informed that we had to pick up Steven and Lindsey for the game. This cut down my tofu eating time considerably.

Anyways, we can skip all the stuff that went on between that and Natalie's, because it wasn't that great. (Except Kaki King was AMAZING. Amy and I started feeling sick so we left just a few songs into the Mountain Goats, but they were good too.) We finally got to Natalie's around one-ish, and the drinking began.


I was wasted.
It was embarrassing.
I never want to be that wasted again. Ever. Ever ever ever.


Fortunately for me, this world is full of extremely kind people, like my new friend Matt. He took care of me and helped me out and sat with me outside even though I was acting ridiculous.










So, lesson learned. Being super drunk isn't fun for me in the least. It makes me extremely anxious and sick. So next time I'll definitely pass.

Or eat before hand...

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I have things to write, but I can't get them out.

I have things to say, but I'm just so tired.

It seems like nothing is happening, even though so much is happening.



I live my life for the weekends, and don't live at all during the week.






I wish I could do that. Just skip out on school. I'm so tired of it. I don't think I've ever been this just flat out tired of school this soon. I know in 9th grade I was really stressed because I wanted to do well, and last year I had fun because I didn't care much, but this year I want to do well but don't care enough to, and it's very frustrating and tiring. And it might be that I'm taking so many classes that I find absolutely pointless this year. Last year I was only really taking one, so it was all good. This year I'm taking health, astronomy, chemistry, and intermediate algebra. That comprises a whole day of classes, where I could be at SB's reading and writing and drinking coffee.







I got a car, finally.

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to not be a sucky ass best friend.


Jordan, my best friend at one time, couldn't keep my secret a secret.


BJ and Jennifer, two of Stephen's best friends totally screwed him over by doing the afore-written-about things they did.

Eric, Jesse's best friend, totally screwed Jesse over by dating Jesse's crush over four or so years.


Ashley (this is the kicker), Tess' best friend, totally screwed over Tess by telling on Tess when Tess confided in her that she had weed at school.

Okay, I know people here probably have differing views on weed. Right now, I'd like everyone to take an unbiased approach to this situation, and ask yourself why on earth someone's best friend would betray them like that. Tess, a relatively sweet and innocent girl, who would probably pass out when approached by the "dangerous hoodlums" that frequent Project, is now there. Ashley, who is supposed to know Tess better than anyone, being her best friend, should know this. Ashley should also know that if she tells on someone for having weed, they will go to Project.





Speaking of Project, apparently I'm not the only one Buddy can keep his hands off of. He got charged with sexual harrasment. But according to the story I heard, he didn't do shit to her compared to what he does to me, which isn't enough to charge with sexual harrasment. Now he's in Project for the next month.



Anyhow, I'm not going to stab my friends in the back. So there. Take that, high school drama! Take that!

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My heart has exploded into a thousand little pieces.


BJ and Jennifer are dating now. This requires a lot of back-story that I will now attempt to condence:

Stephen and I were best friends in 8th grade, after he liked me and made things really awkward and I was an immature 8th grader.
I don't remember most of my 9th grade year, but I'm assuming we drifted apart a bit. Not too much though. At the end of this year Jennifer began liking Stephen's best friend, BJ.
Last year we got really close again. Close enough that I started liking him. And he liked Jennifer. A lot. And she was starting to kind of like him back.
In fact, basically the day after I told him I liked him they started holding hands. Heartbreak beyond measure, I thought.

They dated, broke up, dated again. Dated all through summer. Jennifer told Amy that she didn't see the two of them staying together once school started. This made Amy and me very angry. Why was she leading him on like that? It was cruel. It is cruel.

They broke up at the end of the summer.

Stephen experienced heartbreak beyond measure, and I felt it again, in sympathy for him.

Meanwhile, Amy had started liking BJ.

Amy still likes BJ.



Friday night we decided to have a tea party with all of the people we hadn't really gotten to hang out with much. We called BJ, Eric, Stephen, Jesse, Tidwell, and just because we had to, Jennifer.

Stephen was grounded and Eric had plans.

BJ and Jennifer cuddled.

I could hear Amy's heart breaking.

Last night she texted me: "BJ just asked out Jennifer."

Happy Birthday, BJ.

Tonight, Stephen and I had this conversation:

S: Bj is dating Jennifer. It kind of hurts. I just want my friend back. I'm so used to being with her all the time, and now I feel like she doesn't care about me anymore. I feel like no one cares anymore. I don't have any close friends anymore. I feel like I could die tonight and it wouldn't make any difference. A few people would be sad for a while, then everyone would get on with their lives.
M: Stephen. Don't say shit like that. I love you so so so so much and miss you so much, and you have no idea. Every time Amy and I hang out and talk about people, I end up close to tears or crying because I miss you so much. Please don't say things like that.
S: I feel like I've lost you.





Good god, that made me want to melt into a puddle of tears.

After that he went on to say that he misses me and wants to get close to me again, but lacks the motivation.


Later on he asked if there was a physical manifestation of heartbreak.










I think for once he may need me more than I've ever needed him. I'll be there for him.

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