mood: reflective
listening to: the rain
reading: Ender's Game
feeling: rather stupid for watering the plants and lawn earlier

Yesterday I moved EVERYTHING out of the old place to the new. We lived at the old place (the one I told you guys about) for approximately a year. We also moved in during the summer. Today I'm taking a break and being incredibly lazy. Although I think I'm actually being more productive than I usually am. Hah!

This place is more spacious than the last. It has lots of closets, windows with natural light, and a backyard all to ourselves. I can't wait to unpack all the boxes, buy a sofa, and get some folding lawn chairs to use outside!

Our old place started out well and then got worse as time went by. The long winter was fuh-reezing even though the landlord said there would be sufficient heating. We had to buy two portable heaters. Sometime during the winter, the landlord decided to cover our tiny windows with black garbage bags. I know. Fine, whatever, it helped with keeping heat in and cold out anyway. And so on.

The most infuriating thing is they messed with our internet! Without telling us anything! We don't get home until late most days so we would find out in the middle of the night. The last time they did this was LAST WEEK. They already knew we were moving out. It didn't & still doesn't make any sense. I got so pissed off I called them at 3AM. I was going to approach it nicely with an apology for waking them up and so on. But the guy picked up and then hung up on me. And proceeded to send my calls to voicemail. That night, I downloaded an SMS scheduler and timed my message to be sent every hour after 8AM. He finally got back to me by the afternoon. Hallelujah!

Thankfully, we're out of there. The new landlord and landlady are very friendly and polite. They seem to be introverts which is nice because they always speak with purpose and the conversations are clear. Time will tell how well this place suits us.

Much love,
Silver

P.S. I have goldfish! I won them at the local amusement park a few months ago. They are still alive and kicking. ^^ I love fishies. One day I hope to have an aquarium like my godparent's. It has a variety of fish that naturally separate into different sections of the water and is a mostly self-sustaining ecosystem.

Comment! (3) | Recommend! | Categories: 2014 [t], home [t], dreams [t]

I miss having a dad. Not that I don't anymore but just that feeling of having both parents alive. We did not always get along. We had our good times & bad. But I imagined him walking me down the aisle. I wanted him there at my wedding. I dreamed of making enough money to pay for surgery to fix the damage from his medical problems. But I never got the chance. Never will. I miss my dad.

Sorry for always coming here when I'm sad. My dad's one-year death anniversary is coming up. Next week. Got a few days off. Don't know what I'm going to do with them.

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In life I loved you dearly
In death I love you still
In my heart I hold a place
That only you can fill

I hold you close within my heart
And there you will remain
To walk with me throughout my life
Until we meet again

Happy Birthday
xoxo

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Hello!

I'm doing it again, coming here when I'm sad. Lol?

This last year (after my last post) I completely forgot about this site. Terrible but true. I'm so glad it's still around! I'm thankful & relieved dave still keeps the site alive. Grateful for all my friends here & the connections we have, however tenuous but real. Thank you all for keeping me sane!

I've been trying not to think about my dad for the last year. He comes up unbidden & gently pushed to the back of my mind. Probably every day. 360/365? I debated in my head if I should go on vacation the day he died. There was a convention I wanted to go to that started on that day & I would have to travel the day before. In the end, I knew he would want me to go on with my life, have fun & new experiences. He's not here anymore. He used to say the rituals we do are for the living & the dead is already dead. I've had many new & fun experiences the last year. I've been pretty happy. I think he would be happy about that.

Today I looked on the Lunar calendar & realized I missed his Chinese birthday. It was yesterday. I felt really bad. I had known it was coming but I've been trying to avoid thinking of him so much that I didn't check in time. Stupid but what can you do? So happy belated birthday, Daddy. I miss you & I love you.

I'm going to update more here. I know I say it all the time but I really want to. I don't want to forget this place again. I want you guys to know I keep you all & this place close to my heart too. It was, is, & forever will be the one place I know I am safe to be myself.

NuTang is INFINITELY better than Facebook.

I think I have to start posting there too. Prove that I still exist. Not just to the rest of the world, family & friends, but also to myself. Kinda like keeping myself in check. I withdraw & lose time too often. I let days pass & honestly, I feel like I wasted my twenties. I'm almost 27 now but I've made no progress from 24. I feel like I just started my twenties & I'm ashamed I lost all that time.

It's really nice to be honest. To be able to be open about this...actually the first time ever. I don't even tell my "best friends" cuz I feel like they'll judge me. But I know NuTang is here for me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

No, I'm not gonna commit suicide!

Lol, I know I sound like THE END cuz I keep saying Thank you. I'm just emotional!!!

More lolz, I just realized this is how people feel about Imgur. Ahahahahaha! That's pretty cool.

It feels good talking to you guys again. See you all again soon!
--Dotty/Silver/whatever you call me

Plugs: randomjunk, zanzibar, The-Muffin-Man, nuttz, LostSoul13, renaye

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I don't know if I should private this. I just think I should be honest with myself, with the world, and accept what is real so I can move on.

Today I took what I hope is my first step to freedom.

I have been in an abusive relationship. Some of you may have seen our pictures on various social media. We always look happy, I always look happy, but isn't that all we show publicly?

I just want to put it out there so I can't take it back.

Move on to freedom!!!

Wish me luck. Love you guys so much. xoxo Silver

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😭😭😭

Tears of joy. Happyness.

Thank Dave.



(p.s. why is the automatic date wrong? is manual date changing a thing now?)

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