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semi-chinese entry. i was pissed, now just annoyed.
Saturday. 11.28.09 5:31 pm
basically, i have an uncle here from california for the holiday. he's very...self-absorbed, arrogant, childish, immature--oh, why am i repeating myself? he acts like he's the king of the house. not surprising since he was the youngest son of four siblings. but seriously people, he's a grown man of (almost?) fifty. stop acting like that. have some respect for other people. stop acting like you're the center of the freakin universe. for god's sake, just because you're with family doesn't mean you can do whatever you want and there won't be consequences for your actions. oh, wait, there ARE no consequences when it comes to you. wtf? im the youngest in the family now, but i sure as hell dont act like you. it makes me angry because he's so...i can't respect him and because i dont, it makes ME look like bad kid because i'm not respecting an 'adult'. wtf.
so my mom decides to scold me for it and he starts grinning and trying to join in the scolding. im like, YOU want to teach me about respect and how to be polite? (YOU?! are you friggin kidding me?!) aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
and come on, ma. you were the one who did me wrong today. you guys know (at least those who have read my blog for a while now know) how she is. she did it again--i dont really want to talk about it. just because you're an adult and a mom doesnt mean you can do whatever you want and not have to be responsible for your actions. she's always used her being my 'mom' as an excuse to get away with ANYTHING.
for goodness sake, the world DOES NOT work that way. or at least i believe it shouldn't. >.> mothers should be mothers, adults should be adults. but who said the world was fair? this is where my chinese comes in from above...
"I don't understand. Why can't adults take responsibility for their wrong doing(s)? I was wrong, you were wrong, he was also wrong. Why does everything have to be blamed on me? Is it really so hard to say 'I'm sorry'?"
I'm pretty sure I got some verb tenses or something wrong in the Chinese. Hell, I'm just an ABC(American Born Chinese). Without proper training in Chinese, too.
Sunday. 9.24.06 3:31 pm
Good afternoon, m'lads and gals. How is everyone this glorious day? =]
My day went off in a bang and ended in the solemn drones of violins.
**The unexpected surprise of having lunch with a few family friends. And being able to go and visit a friend of mine who was volunteering today. I got her the gig by-the-way. =D
~~Then, the mother-master's decree to go back to moving boxes and bags alike. So out came the tiny laundry cart and bulging baby muscles (mine). Trying to heft them big boxes by this petite and delicate of a lady. Mother-Master couldn't be seen in public with them, of course, and so it was my job to do so.
My skin is sensitive, very sensitive. So when I finish climbing the mountain of...things (while carrying box after box), little welts have appeared all over my arms. And legs. I'm poofed. >.<
Yet I'm still not done yet. Whopee. And I still have to paint the apt., that is, if my mother can possibly make up her mind. Two choices: paint it ourselves (whatever colors we like => we bought the paint already) OR let the building paint it (white by cheap paint).
Oh, and please check out my Reading room! I have posted up a short not-story thing. I had found an interesting detail-thingmajig in one of O. Henry's short stories. So I decided to emulate. =P Bad by-the-way.
I have another one from Sylia Plath's The Bell Jar, but I don't have time to post it. I have to go back to the storage space...
--Oh, wait. My site's dimensions/proportions are messed up. If you can't read my short not-story like me =P, highlight the whole thing and copy 'n paste into WordPad or whatever. Sorry...^-^;;
Monday. 9.4.06 4:34 pm
First, I'm very exasperated, annoyed, and I just finished crying buckets. But I need to get something out of the way before telling you why.
I have another update on my-life-before-NuTang for you:
I had mentioned in an earlier entry that I'm a dancer. Though not your ususal hip hop dance-to-whatever-music-is-on kinda thing. More like...
Chinese Folk Dance! Yay! Hooray! That doesn't mean just ribbons and fans and handkerchiefs. There's all different kinds of Chinese dance: Xin Jiang, Tibetan, Korean, Mongolian, etc. You all took history, right? So you know that China had been occupied by different countries before and had occupied lands that are now parts of other countries. That is your answer to "What? Korean isn't Chinese dance and neither is so-and-so!"
*Brag Alert!* I've been dancing for 12 years! I used to take acrobatics so i could do flips, etc...though I can barely do a cartwheel now ^-^;; So I'm pretty flexible, ie: I can do splits. XD
Now I'm taking Peking Opera classes, too. I can manipulate a staff and that staff-like-thing with a blade at the end. It's mostly for show because, well, it's for opera. But! I can still kick some a** with it. XP
Oh, and my teachers aren't any run-of-the-mill idiots. They're accomplished dancers and artists: professionals from Beijing, Shanghai, etc...
Alright, I'm done with the bragging. XP
Exasperation+Annoyance=Tears. Not fun. Storytime!
Well, I was walking in the street one day with my mother. We were on our way to Home Depot because we're painting the apartment. A nice conversation along the way that ended in:
Mother: See, you won't go to Heaven!
Me:*glares at her from behind and says flippantly* Well, it doesn't matter. I'm not going to heaven because I don't believe anyway. There may or may not be a heaven or hell.
Me: You know, me and Annie had a philosophical discussion about this. Philosophy--philosophical. *explaining for her benefit* We've decided that we're not going to heaven. We're going to hell. It'll be fun!
Mother: See, those aren't good people! I'm a good person so I have lots of friends. You don't have any.
Me: Yes, I do!
--in front of Rockerfeller Center--
Mother: Oh, look! Ice-skating.
Me: In the winter only. Annie went ice-skating yesterday.
Mother: See, your friends don't call you out. They went without you.
Me: She called me weeks ago. You said no so I couldn't go.
Me: And she called me yesterday to see if I was going. And you said no.
Me: Cecilia said she was going to get her hair done today for tomorrow (first day of school), *next part said fast because she's opened her mouth to speak* but she probably can't go because she has a lot of rashes.
Mother: See, those aren't smart people. *referring to the 'get hair done' part*
Me: She's in the honor society! Don't assume they're not smart because she wants to get her hair cut!
--in Home Depot--looking at window curtain things--
Mother: Give me the measurements. Do they fit?
Me: *take out the measurements*
Mother: See if they fit.
Me: *measures* The big one is a bit short for the middle window *measures some more* The small one's bigger than the small windows
Mother:*silent for a minute, grabs them, and starts to measure them herself*
Me: *inward sigh* I measured them already!
Mother: *silent treatment*
Me: *inward 'geez'*
Mother: *contemplating how to go about this*...oh, we could just get small ones!
Me: Um, we can get one big one and two small ones. *The small ones would have extra we could use to patch whatever's left sticking out of the big one*
Mother: No! We'll get all small ones! Then, they'll fit!
Me: Okay. Since the big one is equal to two small ones, we'll get 4 small. How about that?
Mother: *after five minutes and me repeating what we had already said* No! We'll get one big one and two small ones! *like it was her idea all along*
Me: That's what I said in the beginning!
Mother: *ignoring me*
The rest of the day I chanted silently in my head: "Someone help me...someone save me...someone save me from this woman...someone save me from my mother..."
Oh. My. God. (no offense to Christians) She said those things so matter-of-fact. Everything. Like they were obvious and true. God! (sorry again)
And she's not some old fashioned person from China. (no offense here, too) She's been here for over 20 years, she speaks nearly perfect english, she has connections everywhere. She's not stupid, but this is her opinion of me.
Argh! Depression came over me and the waterworks started. Not in public, of course, but it happened. Now I'm better. NuTang makes me happy.
Saturday. 11.3.12 3:22 pm
A great yet not so lengthy time ago, I was half-heartedly going through the tables of available classes for the next semester. It was mid-August and I'd finally gotten around to forcing myself to register. You can guess my level of enthusiasm then at the prospect of continuing my college education at that particular institution. As the search continued, I realized I really did not want to pay for anything listed. There was no financial aid available to me from FAFSA, family or otherwise. I paid my own damn way and honestly, I didn't think those classes were worth my money.
I wanted to shoot myself in the head. The quality of education sucked that much. "Most bang for your buck"? Not in my book. You get exactly what you pay for. I went from the Undergraduate Dean's List, with my lowest grade being an A-, down to a semester GPA under 3.0 and obviously, no spot on the Dean's List.
I did not go through with registration.
No one knew. The next few months passed uneventfully with a bit of acting on my part. Shockingly, my mother actually paid the minimal attention needed to notice and start getting suspicious.
As a rule, I don't like to lie. I'll admit it: I'm a goody-two-shoes. One of my few role models is Mother Teresa. I try to be as good, kind, understanding, and loving as possible. Sometimes that causes problems, because I AM human after all and a girl too. I'll talk more about that another time.
Instead of lying, I would omit or say little white lies that were intentionally misleading. I didn't need her all up in my business or any more of her brand of "pot calling the kettle black". I can't say I was successful, but I didn't completely fail in my deception either. See, her habit has always been to notice things and then do nothing about them. A huge red and yellow warning sign can be flashing right in her face, but she never takes enough interest or give enough of a damn to do anything. All she cares about is herself. She is selfish and stupid. So be it. Makes it all the easier to get my plan off without a hitch.
I needed a change of scenery badly and there was more than enough money in my account. You're only young once and when is the next time I'll be free enough to just up and leave the country so easily? So I planned a little voyage overseas and again, told no one about it. Researched all the necessary documents for my visa, hostels, financials... I needed at least one person in the family to know where I was going. One day, I let my aunt into my plan. She helped me figure out the best dates to leave and even bought my tickets for me. Next, I told my father. That went surprisingly well.
I began to drop hints around my mother. In accordance with her habit described above, she pretended they didn't exist. When I finally told her straight out, she told me "No" and thought that was that. Little did she know, I wasn't asking for permission. I let it go and continued with my preparations. I mentioned it again and again, as usual she took no notice.
We had dinner together the night before my scheduled departure. Midway through the meal, I took out my ticket information and showed it to my mother. She took one look and said with a very rarely, if ever, seen parent-like attitude "We'll talk about this later."
She finally realized I wasn't joking and I was going whether she liked it or not. There was nothing she could do to stop me. "If you can't beat them, join them!" You can say she did that. She even lamented at one point that night while I ran around packing my suitcase, "Why didn't you tell me earlier? I have friends who know people there! I could have set things up for you!"
Really, mother? No, you wouldn't have. That was hi-larious!
So I went off on my trip! Had a great time and fell in love with the city, country, the people. I would love to go back again and would be if...well, that's a story for another day. I can tell you it was an experience like no other and the decision to leave is not one I regret. It changed me and I am happier now.
Hope you enjoyed today's story! Thank you for all the comments on my last post. =)
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