I went petitioning for the last time today. I just rang some guy's doorbell and then realized it was the two guys I tried to petition last time who would not listen to what I had to say because it was 9pm and I woke them up from their beauty sleep[<--snide remark].

So he was still kinda nice (like strangers type of nice, but negative bc he still wouldn't listen to me) up until I said, "Okay so you're holding a grudge. That's okay. Thank you~~~"(because he kept mentioning that I had woke them up pretty late the last time [uh, hello? New York City + 9pm = not late night])and turned to walk away, all with a smile on my face. Then he goes, "That was rude." And it went downhill from there.

He was basically going on and on and I DID apologize (for that suuuuch a late and rude awakening[<---snide remark]) and he goes, "That's better" and on and on, then closes the door to my sweet trying to be nice face.

Point is, I wasn't saying "you're holding a grudge" as some snide remark to be rude [note the arrows pointing to actual snide remarks in this entry]. I was trying to clarify for myself, because really, there was no reason for him not to listen to what I was saying. I am a sweet Asian girl from outside appearances, smiling all throughout the conversation, being very polite, I was trying to make amends, it's NOT late at night, I DID NOT just wake him from his beauty sleep (it's 6pm Sunday evening). What excuse not to be polite to someone being polite to you?

So he closes the door. I actually walk away. And then I think, "Wait a minute here. I don't care if they hate ME, but this isn't about me. This is about the city and who is going to be the next -------- of the City. And so-so can't suffer and lose support because of little ol' me."

I go back to the door. Different guy opens the door. So I try(keyword try) to explain what just happened and the guy goes from strangers-genial-politeness/patient-but-negative to straight "We don't care", "stop bothering us", screaming in my face, and at one point "I'm going to call the police!". SLAM. Door in my face.

What a little bitch.

Of course being the ninteen year old still-teenager with hormones raging and undoubtedly a girl, I'm crying in the staircase for the next twenty minutes. I don't stop there. I write a little note on the back of my business card, apologizing yet again, kindly reminding (without the word 'remind') them that this is about the city and not me. And that the Democratic Primary is Sept. fifteenth. And that I'm providing a little pamphlet (think palm card literature) as an FYI.

Then I go back to my apartment bc I know I can't keep petitioning in that state I'm in.

But what little bitches!


Ugh.

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So today there was an outing scheduled. After the meeting, of course. Unfortunately, I was late to the meeting and they started to leave after I arrived. I usually get to go to these things. But not once did my boss mention it to me the whole twenty-five min. she was here. She kept talking to people telling them "We've got to go!" like a soccer mom and left me a few reminders like I was the babysitter.

But I know what she was thinking. I don't get to go bc I was late. What is she, my mother?? A kindergarten teacher?

Now, before I got there I had shot her a text message: "On the train. Sorry, overslept from meds." I wonder what those meds were for? The f*ckin' back pain. The first f*ckin' time I've ever had back pain. I'm f*ckin' nineteen fer god's sake. I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE BACK PAIN. Why, you ask? Because of my f*ckin' job.

Just this Tues. I pulled an all-nighter for the deadline the next day. By-the-way, the deadline was 5pm the next day or postmarked by midnight that day. But my boss made me stay to finish absolutely everything. So I got home after 5am. Five AM Wednesday morning. Ohayo.

And then yesterday, Thursday evening? I start getting back pain. Nice. And I have to stay an extra hour to write out stupid checks. About twenty-plus of them. Me very happy. Then I come in to work today and find out nineteen of those checks were not used/needed. Me even happier!

Joy abound.

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satisfied

Just finished Atashinchi no Danshi. I liked it. ^-^ The ending was a bit predictable in my opinion, but that's bc it was what the fans would have wanted. The first idea just didn't make sense and would have been hard to live/go through with it. And it was an ending I wanted anyway. XD

content~

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feeling more and more isolated in this office. am i supposed to fight it and make a big scene and be a drama queen? no. i'll gracefully accept it. i officially accept the fact that you may want to be friends with everyone but whether or not they accept you or like you is out of your hands.

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at work on a saturday. how sad. =( that's what happens when you have a deadline on monday and you only find out on thursday.

and i reeeally want a boyfriend. or maybe just a best friend. you know, someone taht its not weird to be with, like, all the time, goddamit. someone i can hang out with to get away from my mom in, like, the middle of the night.

Plugs: nuttz, Kuri

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Oh, look. I'm using capitals and apostrophes again. ;D

Re: last entry
I've never really had any friend (like with me constantly either because of school or otherwise) for longer than two years. For me, personally, once you're my friend, you're my friend for life. But I don't have that usual four-year bond people have from high school. I just don't. And that sucks for, let's say, character witness for myself. Who can they really believe to vouch for me? There is only one person: my mother. We all know how great that is, right?

I don't have anyone who believes in me, trusts me, loves me, won't look for faults in me, accepts me for who I am, and knows who I am. My mother does not believe in me, does not trust me, she does love me, hates all the faults in me, does not accept me for who I am, and does not know who I am. She wants me to change to make her/other people happy. Should I be changing myself so a certain group of people will like me? Now, I don't believe anyone should go changing themselves on someone else's whim.

Once I had acted as choreographer for an event coming up. We were going to do a hip hop number(these were like freshmen/sophmores in high school with one really really tall junior h.s. student and me). So we went to practice in this ballroom dance studio. It was a communal studio that you pay per hour located up on the second floor. We were lucky to have connections and didn't need to pay. Right before we left, one of us went to the bathroom. Since I was the oldest, I went to make sure everyone had their bags and there was this extra one on the bench on top of my bag. I asked the other girls if it belonged to the girl in the bathroom. We weren't sure, but since it wasn't a handbag, we assumed it was hers. I walked with the girls to the bathroom about ten feet from where the bags had been. We stood outside for about five minutes before we heard a commotion from that side. It was a woman who saw us holding her bag--that bag. She marched up to us screaming. Shocked, idignant, and overwhelmed, I handed her bag. I admit I acted a bit teenager-ish bc I was angry they didn't even ask or listen or want our explanation. Like "Fine, here's your bag." I thought that was the end of that.

Weeks passed. The incident drifted farther and farther to the back of my mind. Until one day my mom and I had a fight. She brought it up. "DID YOU KNOW? SOMEONE TOLD ME YOU TRIED TO STEAL SOMEONE'S HANDBAG." Said it like she was doing me a big favor, that she didn't tell anyone else or got me sent to the police station. "SEE? NOW EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT KIND OF PERSON YOU ARE. YOU CAN'T HIDE ANYMORE." Wtf? "DID YOU STEAL IT? DID YOU? DID YOU?"

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I think I smiled and said something like, whatever/what do you think? It really didn't matter bc it was like she had already decided. If she hadn't decided/believed them, why would she have kept it to herself all this time? She already believed. She wasn't asking for confirmation, she was doing it to humiliate me and shame me into obedience for whatever we were arguing about. How could she shame me if I hadn't done it? Obviously she thought I did. Ha.

An episode of My Wife and Kids jumped to the forefront of my mind. The one where the daughter brings her friend home for a sleepover who, turns out, thinks she may be pregnant. The friend uses a pregnancy test at the daughter's house. The father finds the test and sits the two girls down for a talk. He talks sense into the friend. Not once did he ask whose pregnancy test it was. At the end of the conversation, his daughter asks him how he had known it wasn't her.

He replied, "Because you're my daughter."

This was maybe two/three years ago.

Plugs: randomjunk, Kuri

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Nyhehehehe.

Just a heads-up to the few ppl who subscribed to the textmark thingy on your right---> the name was changed bc of new policies. So re-subscribe! And to all of you who didn't know about it, it's like twitter but not. I update this thing from my phone way more often than the blog so take a look every now and then (or subscribe). If you subscribe, it will send a text to your phone every time I update. Standard texting costs apply.

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[No, not a lengthy essay relating the two. Aw, drat.]

@invis and thaitanic: I don't want to do Twitter because every other individual in the United States of America is. Even elementary school kids. Just the same way I avoided Twilight and MySpace and Facebook and all the other fashionable items that were so "in" at that precise moment of the century. Even though I introduced Twilight to some 'Tangers, I'm already over it. Over before the series was over actually.

College - First day is Monday. First course? Psy 101. Hooray~ Followed by math. Next day: Eng and Ethics course. Repeat. Mon. - Thur. But Mon. and Wed. are night whereas Tue. and Thur. are day.

Gotta go~

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