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I just called my mother to tell her about this person calling our house non-stop and never leaving a message. And thus, telling her I was home. Heh. Anyway, she didn't respond to me except for a 'No, it was me calling'. Then, she told me to go to Chinatown. Told me to go to my gran's place. I asked her if we were going for dinner. She didn't say anything. I asked her what special event was today/tonight. She said in a happy-go-lucky voice that I was going to go see my grandmother.

Something's not right. Her voice was not right. I'm pretty much a hundred percent persuaded that something's wrong and she's lying. Something wron, something bad that has soemthing to do with me. Like something bad's going to happen to me. Just this pit of the stomach feeling that I just can't get rid of. Like butterflies except I'm not feeling cold and shivering on the wings of a stage.

Not feeling very well. Gotta go.
the Dot

p.s. Wish me well. Wish me luck! ;(

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So...nothing happened tonight. When I said 'happy-go-lucky', it wasn't supposed to mean she had a surprise for me. Sure, she's a happy-go-lucky person at times. Her voice was fake, careful, bordering on curt once. I could tell(there was a difference), not because I know her so well, because God knows I don't. I can tell when something is wrong, out of the ordinary and not in a good way.

She started out with a line that was joking, but her face was serious, dark. I didn't get what she was saying and had her repeat it. She seemed to have something to say during that soft, confusing exchange, but she seemed to chicken out. I'm not sure she did, but her belated repeat didn't sound right.

The scene: My gran had gone down to jiggle the building's heater and it was rude to start without her. The two of us were making funnys with her reaching for a dish and turning pretend-guiltily away when I looked. A bit akward cuz I knew it wasn't natural. I pointed to an empty space in her bowl and jokingly said that gran would know. She hadn't really eaten any rice. She laughs and quickly says she didn't eat any.
Then...

Her: *leans over* You're lying.
Me: *puzzled* What?
Her: You're lying.
Me: About what? 0.o What?!
Her: *a pause* This is where I think she chickens out. *leans back into her own chair* You said I ate my rice!

What the heck was that? I don't what it is, but I'll find out eventually. The night went on and everything feels back to normal now, so...*shrug* Who knows? We'll see. She was acting all weird, but she's fine now. I mean, it's only the two of us in the house and if it's fine now, it's gotta be okay. For now, I mean. *sigh* Whatever.

Anywayz, I found this blog that these pretty pics of Chinese Paper-Cutting. I guess that's the name...it's what I've heard my ma call it and other people, too. Not sure if the person would want me to show the pics so here's the link to the blog: CLICK!

Ay, I'm tired...and I'm thirsty. My neck 'n shoulders are hurting again. Latah! ;)
the Dot

Plugs: ikimashokie, Kirei, Katrina, bananaface, etheracide, Chloefoxx, Mockiller

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I was watching Pussycat Doll's new reality show: the Search for the next Doll and abc7's Outsiders series tonight. Both happened to show very...sexy scenes.
--Pussycat Dolls? Female empowerment/sexuality.
--Outsiders? A thing about the porn industry.

To the latter: quite informative. Plus, I like the series very much because it opens our eyes to all the different people/lifestyles out there--mainly, America. Too bad tonight was about porn, but I watched it anyway.

My ma wasn't really paying attention. Her eyes were glued to the flatscreen monitor, her hands poised over the keyboard. Suddenly, she looked over to see what I was up to, er, watching. She sees a censored photoshoot of a porn star on channel 7. She gets riled up. "Hey!" I flip over to channel 11, right when the girls are doing their little thing inside clear boxes infront of an audience. Now, I know they said this challenge was about confidence, but no duh, PCD + confidence + clear boxes w/ sofas = nearly pornographic moves to music. So that was a no-no.

"Hey! Turn to channel 13 or 25 or turn it off!"

Hmm, I wonder. What if National Geographic was on?

As if I wasn't mature enough to handle these things without going "Ewww!" or soo mature/bad girl-y to go "Ooooh!" wide-eyed. Like I would watch these girls and get the bright idea to imitate them and become a prostitute or porn star myself. Great job, Mom. You know me so well. (^-')=b

Ugh. I finished all my rice a few minutes ago and there's none left over to go down with my chicken. It's leftover from my dinner at gran's last night. The meat's incredibly salty and it's scratching my throat. *makes a face* Wish I had some soda in the fridge. Oh, wait! I have some dry milk on the kitchen counter; my gran gave me that, too! How wonderful. I can have warm milk. >.>

Eh, I'm outta here. Queen Nag has gotten her naggin' fever on. Yeah!
Nighty-Night.
the Dot

Plugs: etheracide, ikimashokie, LostSoul13, Nuttz, randomjunk

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I hate this. The weather always screws up my internet. Grrr.

Earlier this week, it was nice and warm for a change. I think it was up to the high 70's once. But you know what? I opened the service entrance this morning(it's my shortcut) and I got hit in the face by thousands of icy li'l pellets. Yup. It was snowing. What happened to SPRING?! Y'know, flowers 'n butterfies, ice cream, pastel colors, and whatnot.

So I couldn't go online last night cuz it rained a teeny bit during the day. However, it makes sense to the universe to let me go online when it snows, non-stop all day. I suppose I have to look at the bigger picture to understand, it's a part of God's plan. Who am I to question it?

**My apologies to all religious.**

the Dot

Plugs: Southern, Nuttz, frostbitten, ikimashokie

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Had a lot to 'talk' about earlier, but it's gone now. Soooo...guess all the ingredients in the burger above (layer by layer!) and you'll get 50pps. ;) Quite easy really.

Have at it!
the Dot

Plugs: randomjunk, KkaMA67, Nutttz, LostSoul13, hikarixgaki, Katrina, Southern

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Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

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Y'know, my mother is different from other mothers. She's a bit on the short side, like most asian women, but her face and attitude are unlike women of her age group. For one, she looks twenty years younger than reality. I can only hope that I will age as she has done--slowly, beautifully, and youthfully, if that makes sense. ^-^

Because of that, strangers are always shocked to find that she has a teenaged daughter. A reaction that gives her much pleasure. She has absolutely no problem acting younger than she really is. That is perhaps why the two of us ram horns the way we do. She wants to be younger, to be my friend, always proclaiming herself to be my older sister. I have no problem with that, we have a ot of fun. Except I always end up being the responsible one, the older and more mature sister. Then, she brings up the fact that she is my mother over and over again, as if that is something so...'liao bu chi'--translated to something like: incredibly awesome. It is, being a single mother is really great, but not when you use the fact that you're my mother to...push me to do something. I always feel like I'm the mother and you're trying to lord 'I'm your mother' over me?!

An example: Last night, she came home at eight as usual. And as usual, she took off her shoes, turned on the computer, and sat there for the rest of the night. She knows that I didn't eat dinner yet. I always wait for her to come home. I never go anywhere. At two forty-five pm, I get out, take the train and arrive home at three thirty, four pm at the latest. I wait for the next four hours until she gets home.

I've gotten into a routine: go home, do homework, finish homework, MOM, maybe a little TV, lappie always on, sleep. I'm usually done with hw within the four hours available to me. Did you know: she throws her suspicion over during that time frame. "How come I never see you do homework?", she asks. I sit there *blink* *blink* going, 'Uh, duh?' in my mind. It's a very obvious facial expression, but 1.) she usually doesn't look at me, 2.) she doesn't get it. I've tried several time before when she was looking, but I think she takes it as a guilty blank,anxious expression. *sigh* ANYWAY. Back to the story...

So. She's home doing nothing, well, completely focused on the screen before her. I'm busy, on NuTang and a million other things. **Note: I must mutitask. I cannot NOT multitask.** I am waiting for her as I always am. I don't realize that I'm hungry, that I haven't eaten dinner yet. I felt grumbles in my belly, but I don't notice them anymore. Heh.

It is past midnight when she awakes from her nap and demands that I go to sleep. I am in the kitchen and I notice that my tummy is empty and gas is growling, tumbling inside. I got angry. How could it be sleepy-time when I haven't had my dinner? I repeat, I got angry. I told her I didn't care what she said, I WANTED MY DINNER. I started banging around the kitchen cleaning the small pot so I could cook something.

She: I didn't eat dinner yet, either.
Me: Well, I didn't hear you saying you were hungry, now did I?!
She: *silence* *mousing--->computer mouse*
Me: I don't care what you say, I want my dinner.
Me: From now on, you are coming home and cooking dinner before you do anything else!

BTW: I don't cook dinner, because she's the one bringing home food, ingredients. There's nothing in the house, except for two buns, a SPAM can, a box of gelatin, and take-out chicken from her party last week. Oh, and eggs. Excuse me for not wanting a sandwich for dinner. But I usually end up cooking anyway.

She: Oh, there's take-out from last night! ---->a small container of sticky rice and duck legs.
Me: Fine. *starts cooking*
Me: It's all mine! ------->she always snacks throughout the night. Bread, chocolate, dried scallops, etc.

God. I'm the mother of this family, not her! So don't you dare throw *falsetto* 'I'm your mother' in my face!
'Cept she does anyway. *growls* >.>

I'm outta here.
the Dot

Plugs: ikimashokie, LostSoul13, ranor, bananaface, Katrina, Nuttz, Mockiller, jolenesiah, Kirei, frostbitten

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