kills me. Or at least my nose.

Cold/Allergies/Spring cleaning(billows of dust)=a very raw nose and cold sores above my lip/under nose.

Ugh. Ow.

I wish they had a smilie for suffocating to death.

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As unicornasaurus asked, I shall keep you all updated on my craving.

Update 1: No, I have not had my eggs yet. ={ This craving seems to have retreated a bit, but then I got a craving for bacon. Saltiness, yum. So now the grand total is 2 for eggs and bacon.

In other things, I am currently trying to finish two assignments to hand in on the same day. Wish me luck.

In other other things, what would I do with my own forum? Bring up interesting tidbits/subjects/quotes/lifestyles/food, etc. etc. etc. for discussion, perhaps?

My first idea The raped and rapist: thoughts on it, any literature on it, maybe the unconventional--raped falling in love with rapist and so on and so forth. These days it is depicted as a horror between strangers, a female and a twisted man. Is it really just so? I don't really know where I'm going with this, but I was watching Tess D'urberville on PBS Masterpiece Theater(is it still called that? or just Classic series). At least maybe recommend books on it, historical fiction to fiction, I'd rather not read any self-help books, thank you.

**Don't anyone steal it! I will have my vengeance!**
It's really the whole writer thing part of me. It's my work, go on, and find your own. Shoo.

I don't really mean for you to answer the above questions or what not. I just wanted to put it down before I forget and have nothing to use if/when I do get that forum-thingy

Now, gotta run. Toodles!

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ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
MY NAME IS XX AND I AM SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD, ALMOST EIGHTEEN. IN FACT, I WILL BE EIGHTEEN IN THREE MONTHS--JUST ABOUT. I AM HUNGRY AND I AM GLAD THERE ARE NO CRAZY FLIPPINGS IN MY TYPING SO FAR.

Let me explain. I am sitting at my marble table by the bar on the other side of the kitchen wall. I was still sitting here a half an hour ago when...well, I had my cup of water on the bar, it was on my right. It had been left over from last night and I had never even started drinking it. I noticed it mid-morning and took it down. I put it to my right of the laptop and left it there.

Out of nowhere, I happened to move my hand and...you can guess what happened. The cup tipped and splashed a full portion of water right across my keyboard and all over the table.

Not much, if any, got into the computer itself. But the keyboard, or a number of keys at least, got wet. So...it went cazy on me for a few times. But it hasn't happened again yet.

Curiously, the headphone jack on the LEFT side is not working. The cup had been on the right and the left had barely gotten wet. I have a feeling it might have been the headphones itself, because it had been wet. And if you put a wet headphone-thingy into the jack, the jack too gets wet and then...

Well, I shall be trying it again later tonight.

Oh, crap! And it seems like the scrollers on the pad aren't working. Drat. That'll be nuisance.

None o' ya'll tell me dad, y'hear? Or I'll box ye ears off!

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It is morning and I am drowsing. Perhaps hoping to catch a few extra z's. Well, that is not to be allowed because

BangBangBang BANGBANGBang Clink Bang BangBangBang

Some idiot upstairs has decided to renovate. Just, out of the blue, I suppose? And I don't even know if it's the people in the apartment or just a handy guy in our building helping the apartment people or working on his own job.

I am glad I don't have a headache, because I am sure it would feel like they are jamming their nails into my skull and hammering away! Alas, I do not have one so I am better off than the other me.

Damn it. Back atcha!
--------------------------------------------
It hasn't stopped and show no signs of stopping soon.

Great. Oh, how great.

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Did you ever walk down the street, meet an old friend or an aquaintance, and find that they know specific details about you (your schedule, activities, events) that you had only told one person?

Well, I don't want that to ever happen. So far I have managed to avoid it, but I know it is possible, I just had the luck not to meet them yet. I know that my mother has told people things, my personal business which I believe is no business of my mother's let alone their's!

If I tell my mother something, I expect it to be just a conversation between a mother and daughter, not the ears that come after. I don't expect to hear it from others' mouths next week. I don't want my personal conversation to be gossiped and go down a game of 'telephone' or 'operator'.

Right now, I can't help myself, I can't do anything. I'm just watching my mouth and my actions a little more. I'm not used to regulating the words out of my mouth so it is uncomfortable yet, but I expect to be good and silent when my eighteenth birthday comes.

Perhaps I shall give an ultimatum that day or sometime around then or maybe not say anything at all. She should be fine with not knowing anything beyond the basics of my life. A cell phone number is good enough, no?

If I stay in the city, I want my own place. I need to get away, the two of us need ROOM, SPACE. We need it and I'm gonna find a way for us to get it.

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and yet I have no plans, no places to go. This sucks. I really want to travel, go do something. A cruise, roadtrip, anything!

Oh, and something might be changing in my life. I'm not sure, but I'll tell ya'll when I'm certain.

Sorry, I don't have much news. My life is boring.

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I don't know what to do.

I'm confused. I don't know what my heart wants. I can't hear my brain reason and argue about logic and what I want, or should want.

I'm tired. Tired of running away and just doing nothing, but wait. Tired of this feeling of loneliness. Tired, just tired.

Should I give it a try? But I've always told myself from the very start that it wasn't right. There were maybe two days, maybe three, in which I settled myself. Resolved to give in--no, agree. Smile and answer with a positive. But in the end, the expected came too late and that resolve broke away. I didn't do it. A non-answer and I was free to think, to pore over everything. To come to the conclusion that it was best that time had passed.

Best for me.

Now I don't know again. I just don't know. I can feel doubt eating away at me and the new resolve I had thought so firm.

This is the problem with unstable hormones. You never know what you really think, because it always changes. I can depend only on this: I will feel differently tomorrow. *chuckle*

I had truely thought it was right. I was READY. For the first time in my life, I was. Then time passed and I thought the opposite was reality. I thought myself so cool-headed, logical, and realistic about myself.

Haha, I can feel this strange new twist melting away right now as I type.
I'll feel different tomorrow. Let's see what a new day brings.

listening: The Climb

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I need a job, I need a job, I need a joooooooob. ;_;

Plus, I've got a performance in abut a week and I have no idea what I'm doing and since I have no idea what I'm doing, I can't get a costume, do rehearsal or get the music if I need to because I'm trying to make my decision on what music I do have here at home or else I have to choose without it and get the music from school...

Or I might just have to choreograph a whole new dance all together and then I'd have to get new music.

*siiiiiiiiigh*

Did I mention I need a job?

And that I still have to arrange my li'l overseas trip for my year off. Did I mention I'm taking a year off?

hoo, boy...

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