I don't know what to do.

I'm confused. I don't know what my heart wants. I can't hear my brain reason and argue about logic and what I want, or should want.

I'm tired. Tired of running away and just doing nothing, but wait. Tired of this feeling of loneliness. Tired, just tired.

Should I give it a try? But I've always told myself from the very start that it wasn't right. There were maybe two days, maybe three, in which I settled myself. Resolved to give in--no, agree. Smile and answer with a positive. But in the end, the expected came too late and that resolve broke away. I didn't do it. A non-answer and I was free to think, to pore over everything. To come to the conclusion that it was best that time had passed.

Best for me.

Now I don't know again. I just don't know. I can feel doubt eating away at me and the new resolve I had thought so firm.

This is the problem with unstable hormones. You never know what you really think, because it always changes. I can depend only on this: I will feel differently tomorrow. *chuckle*

I had truely thought it was right. I was READY. For the first time in my life, I was. Then time passed and I thought the opposite was reality. I thought myself so cool-headed, logical, and realistic about myself.

Haha, I can feel this strange new twist melting away right now as I type.
I'll feel different tomorrow. Let's see what a new day brings.

listening: The Climb

Let me guess....
BOYFRIEND

Or I could be wrong :) But in any case, it is good visiting your page again Dotty, we hath not spoken in very long...and good luck on the decision-making (I do have to agree that perspective on life keep changing...makes things very difficult!)!
» The-Muffin-Man on 2009-03-23 06:19:46

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