My mind is racing at a hundred miles per hour
I think I've finally managed to find this little place
In the back of my mind
Where things seem to matter but it really matters not.
Where white is black and black is white

There's a certain freedom in it
A calmness so overwhelming
That just makes me want to let out
A big fat sigh.

Twenty million thoughts are racing through my head
My minds a blur
Too fast to keep up
And with it comes
Silence
So defeaning and all around

White light in one end
Black light in the other
And when it intwines around my soul
Poof.....

Nothingness.

I'm dreaming a reality.

Or this could just be exhuastion.

I really do feel quite spetacular.

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I had yet another dream about Priscilla. Not last night, but the one before last night. We were eating some really good fucking asian food at this white persons house or something. And the whole time we were eating, Priscilla and I weren't talking to each other, instead we were talking to the other people at the table pretending like we didn't know each other. But when everyone left the table, I sat on the cushion (Yes, we were sitting on cushions like in a japanese restaurant, but we were eating Chinese food) next to her and I just started talking to her even though I wasn't suppose to. But we both didn't care, and eventually it started to be like how it was. We talked for hours, catching up, and such. I didn't wake up sad though. I woke up happy.

God, I fucking miss her so much. I just took the risk of writing on her NuTang page. I had to. I wish she would call me, but I'm scared that when she calls I'll end up finding out that things have changed, and things are different, and we aren't as close as we once were. I'm scared that she has already managed to close me out. I miss hanging out with her. She could always get me to laugh. Everywhere I go, it reminds me of Priscilla. The mall, the gas station, Waffle House, Shiloh, Oaklawn, school...everything. And everytime I go somewhere now, I feel a part of me missing, I feel empty because Priscilla's not there to light up my day, and she may never be there ever again. I miss our long intellectual talks beneath the Shiloh bridge while we're smoking a few dozen cigarettes. I miss just sitting in the alley behind her house and just chilling and listening to nature. I miss the way we always argue about me paying for her. I miss being in Ms. Ryan's class with her and the feeling that everything just snaps into place perfectly. I miss telling her things that I don't ever tell anyone else. I miss telling her everything. I miss laughing only because she's laughing. I miss the way Priscilla made me feel so much happier then I am now. I miss her terribly.

But it's starting to hurt less and less. I'm beginning to accept that I won't be seeing or talking to her for a very long time. I haven't accepted that I'll never see or talk to her ever again. I still have hope. Hope that things will work out in the end. Hope that we'll be able to pick up our friendship right where it left off, one day. One of these days, we're going to be back under the Shiloh bridge, smoking a few dozen cigarettes, and talking about everything and nothing once again. *Knock on wood* One of these days....

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I got hired at Blockbuster. Yay. Free rentals and cheap movies! I start orientation next Saturday, and then start work Monday after that. Actually, it's like training week, where I get to read some stupid book. Joy.

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I think my period is about to start. It explains why my mood keeps going up and down and it's really fucking annoying. Like right now, I'm pissed off, for the stupidest reason, and yet I know it's stupid, but I'm still pissed off and annoyed and fustrated. And, ugh! I'm not even going to think about. I think I just might write my english paper today. And I'm still fucking sick. I need to go get a tuberculosis test. It's been going around at my school. Everyone at my lunch table that has taken the test has come out positive. They don't have the disease though, obviously, they just got the germs. Yep, probably everyone at our lunch table has it cause we share our food and drinks and shit with each other. My throat still hurts. I have never been sick for so long. Although I am getting better. Anyways, I have nothing meaningful to write, not like I write anything meaningful anyways. Bye byes.

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