I had yet another dream about Priscilla. Not last night, but the one before last night. We were eating some really good fucking asian food at this white persons house or something. And the whole time we were eating, Priscilla and I weren't talking to each other, instead we were talking to the other people at the table pretending like we didn't know each other. But when everyone left the table, I sat on the cushion (Yes, we were sitting on cushions like in a japanese restaurant, but we were eating Chinese food) next to her and I just started talking to her even though I wasn't suppose to. But we both didn't care, and eventually it started to be like how it was. We talked for hours, catching up, and such. I didn't wake up sad though. I woke up happy.

God, I fucking miss her so much. I just took the risk of writing on her NuTang page. I had to. I wish she would call me, but I'm scared that when she calls I'll end up finding out that things have changed, and things are different, and we aren't as close as we once were. I'm scared that she has already managed to close me out. I miss hanging out with her. She could always get me to laugh. Everywhere I go, it reminds me of Priscilla. The mall, the gas station, Waffle House, Shiloh, Oaklawn, school...everything. And everytime I go somewhere now, I feel a part of me missing, I feel empty because Priscilla's not there to light up my day, and she may never be there ever again. I miss our long intellectual talks beneath the Shiloh bridge while we're smoking a few dozen cigarettes. I miss just sitting in the alley behind her house and just chilling and listening to nature. I miss the way we always argue about me paying for her. I miss being in Ms. Ryan's class with her and the feeling that everything just snaps into place perfectly. I miss telling her things that I don't ever tell anyone else. I miss telling her everything. I miss laughing only because she's laughing. I miss the way Priscilla made me feel so much happier then I am now. I miss her terribly.

But it's starting to hurt less and less. I'm beginning to accept that I won't be seeing or talking to her for a very long time. I haven't accepted that I'll never see or talk to her ever again. I still have hope. Hope that things will work out in the end. Hope that we'll be able to pick up our friendship right where it left off, one day. One of these days, we're going to be back under the Shiloh bridge, smoking a few dozen cigarettes, and talking about everything and nothing once again. *Knock on wood* One of these days....

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