The highlight of my day today was getting spanked by Mistress. I didn't really expect her to do it all that much. It hurted. For a little bit at least. Okay, it hurt when she was spanking me but ten seconds later if faded. But like while I was driving on the way home, I got like muscle spasms in my left butt cheek. It was kind of cool. Haha. I never had that happen before. I think Mistress hurt her hand from spanking me though. That's kind of an amusing thought. J/k! I wonder if Mistress will ever spank me to the point where I beg her to stop.

My leg itches from bug bites.

Oh, I left my cell phone in my car and I'm way too lazy to get it right now because my legs are sore from softball and I'm just plain lazy. Luckily, Mistress charged up my cordless. Yay! Hehe. I love Mistress.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

Okay, some of the people on my softball team really fucking pisses me off! Let's start with Katie. I hate her. Today she complains about having to sit twice in a game. Fuck you, you stupid ass fucking bitch, everyone had to sit twice. So the second time she sat she went out of the dug out to sit with her dad. I hate her so much. She complains about everything. Fucking EVERYTHING. She complains about playing third, she complains about being in the outfield, she complains about sitting. What the fuck does she want then? I don't even see why the fuck she even plays if she gets a god damn attitude so much. And she expects the coach to play her every single inning. The only people that get to play every single inning is the first base, catcher, and pitcher. Because we don't have a good back up for those positions. Stupid bitch. I don't even see why the coach plays her at all! She doesn't make an effort in anything. She doesn't listen to anyone. She always thinks she's fucking right. She deserves to sit in the dug out for the WHOLE game. Ugh. She pisses me off to no end. Okay. Now that stupid ass chick that goes to Pearce. What's her name....Ashley. I swear, all the Ashley's in this world are bitches. She can't hit the ball. She thinks she's all that. Oh yeah, and she doesn't listen to anyone either. She thinks what she does is right. Just because she's on the school team doesn't mean she's a fucking hot shot. Whoopdeedooo. Here's a new flash, none of the softball school teams in RICHARDSON are any good. Ugh. Megan, I like her, but not when she's playing because she doesn't make an effort at all either. She does at the last minute. And Julie, omg, she's cool and all and I like her, but god, she is so stupid sometimes. She is surely not an athletic person. She doesn't have the body for it or the brains. I'm not trying to be mean, but that's the truth. Those are some of the reasons why I didn't want to play on the team this year. The other is because there's like some rivary between the coaches on our team. My phone is ringing. Oh btw, we lost BOTH our games today because no one fucking tries. It's annoying. So shoot me if I'm a competitive person.

Wait! I'm not done with my bitching yet. So my parents friends son is coming in tomorrow and he's bringing his friend. I HATE it when people stay at my house. I hate it when we have guest. Even though I've known him since I was little, still, and the fact that he's bringing a friend just makes it worse. The only people I like staying at my house is Mistress and Priscilla. They better not touch my Xbox! I'm going to be so pissed. LoL. So I'm a selfish bitch, so sue me! He was particulary nice to me.

Anyways. Now to happier thoughts. The floor and I became great friends today. Mistress made me crawl the whole time except to get water and set the alarm. That book is really a bad influence to her. It gives her too many ideas. =T Ohh, what am I kidding, I liked it. I liked crawling. I liked feeling like her little pet. But it hurted my knees. I didn't like that. I love Mistress so much. I don't ever want to disappoint her.

Oh btw Priscilla, I quit smoking!

Comment! (1) | Recommend!

Alright. I don't like my dreams very much right now. I suppose they're trying to tell me something. All of them had her in them. In some way or another. So the first one that I can remember is with Lindsey Overby. Of all people, why the fuck her? What the hell? That's so weird. I went to elementary school with her and junior high and since then I haven't seen her except when she goes into Blockbuster. Not to mention, we aren't even friends or enemies! But I think I know why she was in my dream. I use to be all obsessive over her in elementary school. I wanted to be just like her because I thought she was beautiful and she was one of the "popular" kids. LoL. It's rather humerous now that I think about it. So like I saw her somewhere and we just started talking. I don't remember what she was talking about but she said something about NYC and how she loved it there and wish she could go back or whatever. And in my head I was like, "Fuck, everyone who use to live in NY loves NY and wish they had stayed." And I just gave her a frown and walked off all sad because I started thinking about her. But I don't remember what I was thinking! It had something to do with her and NY, obviously! Alright. And then I looked over and Lindsey was crying and shit spilling her guts out to a guy. Then I realized just how fucked up she is.

Alright. My next dream both were not fun. So like in one of them I was living in a RV or something, and my "protector" was a jock in a horse race. And for some reason, the RV was on the track the horses run on. But ummm, lets seee, suddenly there's this guy there and he kept us hostage. I watched as my "protector" faded away. We were like all scared and shit. The guy caressed my ass and I almost fell to the ground because of the overwhelming helplness and pleasure I felt from just that fucking touch. She was telling me that I have control over this. To just snap out of it. But he just kept touching me, and I kept on losing myself. But then I had to pee. So I went to the bathroom to pee and she came with me..but it was like a potty pee bed. I don't know. Don't ask. The guy came in and started touching me and stuff. And then it skipped over to me living in my house that looked like where I lived in the RV but it also looked like my house. Okay, there's one room that looked like my house and that was my parents room. So yet another guy sneaks into our house and we're like held fucking hostage again and he's trying to like molest us. Ohh, I remembered something. Back to the RV one. While we were driving along on the race track, we saw dead bodies of females and that's what got us scared. Yep yep. Alright. Back to the other, so he's in our house and has us hostage. He wasn't as bad as the other guy. I suppose he was more "gentle." Maybe it was the same dream. Yeah. It was the same dream. Okay. So where's on the potty peeing bed, we're laying on the bed pretending that we're peeing still...(don't ask)....and he walks in her and grabs each one of our nipples. And I'm like.."Fuck, fuck, fuck" That feels good but I hate the fact that it feels good. And he can see it in my eyes so he like leaves her on the bed and takes me and I'm like all wet and shit and he's about to finger me...and I wake up.

No, I don't. Suddenly, that dream fades and I'm at Blockbuster with my parents, we're renting movies and I see him. He shows the person behind the counter his blockbuster card and I'm like, "that's fucking fake." Oh yeah. Fuck. I left so much out of the dream. It's cause I'm trying to type fast cause I'm about to leave. When he was in the house, we made plans to distract him so I could go get the gun in my dad's room. And yeah, but we ended up locking him out of the house ....

to be continued.....

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

I don't know how long I can continue my fakeness at work. At the end of the day, it leaves me so fucking tired and depressed. But eh, that's what I get paid for right? To keep customers happy. To be fake. That's kind of sad. Wait, it is sad. Yeah. Okay, I admit. I like making them feel happy. It makes me kind of feel good to bring a smile on their face because half of them walk in with a frown. Half the time I'm just saying really stupid shit and hyper off my ass. It makes them laught, it makes them smile. Good enough for me. Even if it is fake. I am so much like my dad. Actually, I've found myself acting a little like Priscilla with her ditzyness and shit. LoL. No offense! Hehehe. What can I say? I was taught by the best! Alright. I'm tired. I used up way too much energy. Goodnight.

Comment! (1) | Recommend!

Fuck.

I wish you would take me back. I don't know what I did wrong. Sometimes I think it's all my fault. I would have changed for you. Without you I don't know what to do. I'm lost. Stuck in a world that is real yet so unreal. It's sooo fucking hard letting go. I want to believe that there is still a chance. I'm willing to wait for eternity just for you, just because I'm still madly in love with you. I'm trying to hang on as hard as I can but my hands are slipping. I have hope, yet at the pit of my stomach I know we were never meant to be. But yet, how do I know that? Hope. That's all I have. Hope. That things just might work out my way just once. Yet, it would kill me to see you unhappy when you're with me. So I know, that I have to say goodbye.

It's just so fucking hard.

And that's all the more reason to let go.

Because I love you.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

Dude, I figured out what that vibe means. At first I thought it was an insane vibe, but then Kensey's insane and it wasn't the same vibe so I got all confused and shit. Hehe. Yep yep. But I figured it out. It's a vibe where they have a large part of themselves locked away. I can't help but see the similarities. Everyone of us has a child like personality that has remained untouched by others but touches us. It's what keeps us going, I guess. Hope, compassion, all that jazz that kids have. Instead of letting it grow with them, they've managed to seclude it. Hmm. How to explain. It's like they've grown in the mind but not the heart. Hmmm.

I know why I was able to open up to Mistress, why I was able to really love her. She was the first person that I wasn't searching to be in a relationship with. If that makes sense. I wasn't looking for anyone to make me secure. In the past, even with Mariela, I did that and it didn't work out. You find love in the least likely place. It catches you by surprise. Wow. All the pieces of the puzzle fits together. Granted, at the time I met Mistress, I had a major crush on Megan. But it was a crush, nothing else.

I feel different, I feel really different. I don't know how to describe it. The deep rooted anger is gone. I don't feel it anymore. At least, I think that's what it is. Or perhaps my heart has finally mended itself. No, that's not it. I feel free. And this is me talking without Zoloft!

Or it could just be the video game. =D

No, but truly, I am happy. Without the meds, by myself, I am happy. That's a nice thought. *Content sigh* If only it could last forever! LoL.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!