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October ends
Tuesday. 11.1.11 8:16 pm

I have a big problem with fear.

Okay, it's something you can't help but feel. Fear is innate. That's an obvious one.

Something that is apparently NOT obvious to everyone: Fear isn't supposed to control you.


I came to my current college despite many worries. I had a lot of reasons not to come here, and a lot of comfort entwined with my last college--my friends were there, my home was there, and I was safe, overall, from any bad confrontations involving my past. Not so at my current college.

Even my friends tell me that they were worried for me, going into my first month as a student there. But I wasn't. AND WHYYYY NOT?

Because you can choose to let your fears speak to you, coerce you, change your mind...

Or you can grow some freaking balls and do what will make you happiest.


I'm going skydiving in the spring and it's going to ROCK.

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triple the stress?
Tuesday. 10.25.11 2:31 pm
Me looking through the math major courses: Yay, these sound interesting and like good classes I'll have fun taking.

Me looking through the psychology major courses: AND THIS ONE, AND THIS ONE, AND THIS ONE--OOOOOOOOOOOOHHH YEAH AND THAT ONE. OHHH THAT ONE TOOOO AHHH...


How hard is it to triple major, again?

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Wednesday. 10.19.11 6:00 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Monday. 10.10.11 12:12 pm

It's Monday and I have a test every single day this week.



My roommate is struggling with the fact that she isn't making friends, down here.

I know the feeling. Not from this semester, but from the first college I attended (and then left in October).

It's really rough. Like...it's quite definitely from a lack of trying, if one is "unable" to make friends at college. Especially here. There are so many different types of people, and a lot of them are really great, well-educated students with whom I really do like to go out to eat, talk, et cetera!

High school messes it all up; students come into college unable to remember the last time they had to make friends, much less HOW they made those friends. So it's easy to forget that high school was heavy on group work and there was more time to talk--whereas, with college, you go in a classroom, usually, and you take notes for an hour.

So how do people make friends? Sports. Clubs. You don't go milling about in the cafeteria, you don't hope someone instantly likes you by the way you lift weights at the gym. You go places where people have to collaborate, just like you did in high school.

Only, in high school, it was called class.

So I guess my point, in all this, is that I know I didn't try hard enough at my first college. I know I was bad at making friends, and I know I ran away way too soon.

--But, to my defense, it was never where I wanted to be. Someone whose opinion I very much respected told me, the summer before freshman year, to chase it if I wanted to transfer to my current school (he was also there, and he knew it was a really fun place to get a degree).

That was literally all I needed--one person to say, Hey, go for it.

It was the one checkered flag among all the stop signs. He would hate to know that what he said was so important. And, to that credit, I would assume that I would have chosen my path, anyway, just at a different pace.

I hope my roommate finds her place in college life. Everyone needs that.

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