Eh now I don't really have the drive to write about yesterday. I'm all sleepy and it isn't interesting...just my day. -shrug!- :) I'll give you the basic gist, though:

- Woke up too early
- Ate yogurt
- Watched Zoolander with Stevie
- Ate lunch with Meagan (mellow), Britney (NOT MELLOW, WHOAH, I thought she was on drugs of some sort), and Stevie
- Watched end of Zoolander (I'll just tell you when I'm done doing these things with Stevie, okay?)
- Went upstairs, watched the playing of video games
- Let Stevie glomp me goodbye (that's right, I let you, chump)
- Ran around inside the house with Mum and the dogs (I mean that as literally as you can take it)
- Sims 2, TV, and other generally time-wasting things
- Talked to Kevin and other assorted folk (but mostly Kevin)
- Bed

That was pretty short, right? I hope?

Because I'm about to tell you about today.

I went shopping. And not form dorm goods, either! Nope! Not anymore! I went clothes shopping (YAY! FINALLY!)! :D Now I have a bunch of nifty (and practical :OO) clothes. Plus, it was tax-free weekend, so I scored on some serious savings.

Altogether, Mum MADE me spend at least two of the four to five hundred dollars I ended up spending. She kept insisting on these shirts that I did, in fact, like quite a lot, even though I kept insisting that it would cost a lot, and that I didn't need it.

She won, in the end.

-sigh- I feel bad about it, but I guess it didn't hurt her any, so maybe I should just take it.

:-\ Fine with me, heh. I just don't want this coming back and biting me in the ass.

Nom.

Now I've showered and feel nice. :) My new razor is amazing. I can't even feel it, and that moisturizing strip...oh, Heaven.

I'm still keeping the other one, though, because I question my new razor's ability to get a close enough shave.

And if there's one thing I can trust the old one to do, it's to shave CLOSELY. I can't tell you how many times I've bled because of it, this week.

Hmm...

C'est ça!

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Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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I washed the windows in the front part of the house, and I'm vacuuming once I finish watching Austin Powers. The movie's actually not bad, just hard to keep my attention on, for some reason. The same thing happened with Punch Drunk Love, yesterday.

Meh, maybe I'll start more chores before then. I'm really working for this debit card. And I know they already got it for me, but it seems a little unfair that they pay my tuition, my meal plan, AND for little things that I usually pay for myself.

I guess since they don't let me have a job, that's fair. >.>

I think this is pretty much the cutest thing I've seen--as far as fairly cheap artwork goes--in a while:



-starves-

But I guess I need bigger posters or collages to fill the void in my room--not just tiny little wall things.

-sigh-

That's all for today. I'm off to watch more of the movie then get to work. :)

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And now I'm going to try to take some of the heat off of the other blog by writing something more...eh, normal? I dunno what you'd call it.

[But Katie! You're so annoyed a Logan's inability to comprehend what you're trying to say, rather than what he THINKS you mean! Won't you rant?]

-sigh- I wish I could, but...ugh, I'm just over all this with him. I've already had my semi-rebound, so I'm good for a while.

I just...I dunno, I was blinded by the relationship and the thing I thought was happiness and maybe love (but I always protested that (love) in the FRONT of my mind, so I knew it wasn't...I just didn't have the heart to tell him and I suppose it would do nothing now to tell him, nor would it make a difference), and after a while I've realized that he had absolutely no compatibility with me, nor did he have my trust, nor did he understand half of what I damn well said perfectly clearly.

Grh.

Anyway.

So, today.

Sarah and I are eating at McDonald's, which is all-around greasy and stomach-ache-making, so I dunno why I chose to get anything at all. She's talking to me after her second chicken sandwich (wow) when this guy strolls in. I look twice, thinking he might be someone I know, but he turns his head, so Sarah keeps talking, all while my eyes are set beyond her on the back of this person's head.

After a few long moments of silence where I guess I should have responded, she asks, "What are you looking at?"
"I'm wondering if I know him."
"Who?"
"Guy over there."

So she turns and squints, because she doesn't have her glasses, and that's the only way she's going to be able to see without them. Just as her eyes pop over the short divider, he turns around.

Now, try imagining this from his point of view. There's one girl, very calmly staring him right in the eye, as he turns around, and another girl, looking, frankly, like an agitated lizard.

In conclusion, I don't blame him for giving her the stink eye and squinting as she walked out. He probably thought it was funny to squint back.

In all honesty, I do it, too.

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JUST SO YOU KNOW: This blog is...well, it has a chance of upsetting you, because it's talking about my grandma and her cancer and...it's bad. Like, worse than I've regularly heard of. So if you're sensitive to those types of things, please don't read it. Or, if you feel awkward when people say things about that and you don't know what to say...don't worry about it, because I understand completely, though I certainly don't mind if you DO say something.


And it's my grandma. The one who's sick--I think I wrote a while back that she had cancer. And they said it's really spread, but I didn't understand to where and what type she has until today.

It's...really bad. Mostly because she's not on treatment because she's so old and it's spread so badly...

She has it in her liver, her lungs, and I forget where else, but it's...those two are bad enough, not to mention the third place.

What's worse is that, due to the liver failure, her legs are extremely swollen with the water (I'm not really sure how that works, but I'm also pretty sure I don't want to know, despite the fact that this makes me choose to be ignorant, rather than gain knowledge like I would prefer...I just don't think I could handle it). My dad called and had to listen to her try and make her way to the phone, and I think it nearly broke his heart.

My mum held up her hands to show how swollen they are.

That's at least twice the size of a regular human leg at a healthy weight.

And all I can think about is the name God, and not using it the wrong way, but just...wondering how this happens to people. She doesn't even have the mercy of painkillers, I don't think. She lives, but she doesn't. I think we'll all feel relief when she dies, even though we don't want to say, and even though it will still be horrible and painful for her children...

At least she'll have that peace. At least maybe when she finds her resting place, it will be worth it. I don't know. It's something I don't think about a lot, even though she's my grandma. I just never became very close to her, or anyone, really, on my dad's side. They seem less personal. On my mum's side, I stay with Gram, and my aunts come over, sometimes with their kids, and I hang out with my cousin who's the same age as me, and we talk some, but not enough to really know anything without our mums telling us.

It's not like that on Dad's side. And I wish I could say differently. But my cousin almost the same age (younger) seems like he's with the wrong crowd, and his brother seems like a jerk, along with him...I just can't find myself getting along with them. Ever. Or laughing like I do with the other side of the family.

Same with all the adults. Like I said, it's unfortunate, but less pain, I guess, when something like what's happening with Grandma happens with someone else.

I don't know how to feel. And I can't think about it for so long, because I'm so busy with other thoughts, now.

I guess my heart just goes out to Dad. I would be so hard to console. He doesn't even have a wife who loves him, anymore. Who does he turn to?

That's...kind of the question that scares me.

Who does he turn to?

Hopefully it will all just be over soon. And it sounds like such a weird thing to say, but the longer they wait, the more they hold on. Seeing that much hurt...

Well.

It's not for the weak at heart.

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(1:51:37 AM) Kagaboo: Thus, they feel nothing but net.
(1:51:39 AM) Kagaboo: ...Air.
(1:51:41 AM) Kagaboo: Um.
(1:51:41 AM) Kagaboo: K
(1:51:50 AM) Lopaca: ...net?
(1:52:06 AM) Kagaboo: Was thinking about the saying nothing but net.
(1:52:13 AM) Lopaca: huh
(1:52:18 AM) Kagaboo: Like, the ball going in the hoop without hitting the rim.
(1:52:18 AM) Lopaca: You're...
(1:52:19 AM) Kagaboo: >.>
(1:52:22 AM) Kagaboo: Special.
(1:52:24 AM) Kagaboo: Yes, I know.
(1:52:26 AM) Lopaca: Yeah
(1:52:39 AM) Kagaboo: Carry on.
(1:52:47 AM) Lopaca: um...
(1:53:40 AM) Lopaca: i forgot what i was talking about
(1:53:44 AM) Kagaboo: Yes. >.>
(1:53:48 AM) Lopaca: oh yeah
(1:53:54 AM) Kagaboo: I believe it was doctors feeling your balls.

I think I missed not fighting with Lopac. :D

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