an ode to getting better
Friday. 9.6.13 12:17 pm
I decide friendship might be okay and send the stupid text asking him to get food and be friendly. He's a huge butthead and makes me feel silly for asking him, which keeps me up, half the night, brooding and saying all sorts of angry things to him, in my mind.
It isn't until after he texts me, the next day, expressing a hesitation birthed in the nervousness of this new situation, that I realize he was lashing out because of his anxiety.
...Me too. Seriously. I'm freaked out. I'm constantly halfway between wanting to talk to him about Led Zeppelin and calling the whole thing off. It makes no sense, because we were so inexplicably close, before--and there's still a weird sort of connection that I can't define, hesitantly drifting in the airspace--but we're undefined, and things need to be...defined. I need a friendship, not an occasional tornado.
Other friends get frustrated because we won't just separate, but sometimes...it isn't that easy. There are certain people who will hold very particular positions in your life, and for me...he's in a very particular position. We've talked every year for three years on Christmas morning, you know? I lend him the books that mean something to me without any trepidation that he won't appreciate them enough. He's an emotional trust fall, but he's important.
Just...both of us have to keep our bodies straight and trust the arms below.
tech entry--SAMSUNG CHROMEBOOK YAR
Monday. 9.2.13 5:47 pm
So I went a little nuts and bought a Samsung Chromebook, after witnessing the demise of my four-year-old HP. The HP's hinges had warped to the point where it was catching and ripping the screen apart, and at least one of the drives was malfunctioning so that it would hit a BSOD after some reasonably light use.
Basically, it got to That Point.
The tiny little Chromebook is about 12 inches, and it weighs less than three pounds. The Chrome OS doesn't support stuff like iTunes, Microsoft Office, et cetera...and, with the growing amount of Internet storage, it's no longer necessary that an operating system does support them. Instead, we have Google Drive, which hosts all the files, and Google Docs, more specifically, for producing text documents, spreadhseets, slideshows--the whole shebang.
This is what I'd been using, anyway, so I figured it wouldn't be an issue to just eliminate some unused aspects in my "upgrade."
The previous laptop cost about $600...this one was $267, with tax.
My only complaint is that, while I mostly live on my school e-mail account, I also have a home account that would remain far more permanent, after my years at uni are over. The mass-sharing option is wonderful, and very useful, but not for my circumstances in particular...and I find myself having trouble with more minute aspects of the sharing process between my two accounts. For instance: I would like to be able to transfer ownership of all my files to my home account, after my campus account becomes useless or otherwise obsolete. My campus account is part of the Gmail service, but it uses a special system special to our student population. That means that my e-mail address doesn't end in @gmail.com, and that I can't transfer ownership to anyone whose e-mail doesn't end in the same service name.
A somewhat small inconvenience...I believe I am able to save the files to my other Drive, and then it would work out just fine, but that will have to come after the campus e-mail is not so terribly useful, and for some reason the stretch of time between now and when I will be able to do that makes me somewhat nervous.
Generally, though, using the Chrome OS seems so intuitive. I think this is a great purchase, and just...man. Technology. I just bought a perfectly functional, lightweight laptop for $250.
conversations with people who don't know at all what it feels like
Tuesday. 8.27.13 11:52 pm
We're on a busy street corner, and it's still light out.
"Let's say say goodbye here so we don't do the awkward corner thing and stop traffic."
He tugs me along. "I'm gonna cross too and walk you to your apartment."
"No...go ahead to your thing, I'll walk myself."
"No." He continues walking in the direction of my place.
"You realize this is now non-consensual, right?" I say it without even a hint of a smile.
"So? I want to walk you there."
I'm giving up on people at my uni. When someone's desire to do something overrides consent in any action, big or small, that someone is a total nimrod and has no regard for your personal feelings, wants, needs--or lack thereof.
Run real fast. Don't stop running until you find someone who will always respect your wishes.
on the topic of people I'm not dating???
Monday. 8.26.13 3:08 pm
We're off-topic and discussing Inception during an executive meeting. One person, after getting The Sixth Sense and the current discussion confused, says, "But wait...they're not dead."
My wit bubbles up: "Or are they."
Simultaneously: "Or is he."
Evan and I turn to stare at each other with the same sarcastic, wide-eyed expression.
THAT'S THE LAST STRAW.
YOU'RE UNDER ARREST.
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