Positive Penny Powers Up!
Thursday. 1.7.10 9:28 pm
Today, I realized that I'm getting back on track with things. I went through all my saved and cherished voicemails and deleted all the ones with the lost in them. By "the lost," you know, I mean people I just don't have/want/get along with anymore.
It feels really, really good, just to know that I'm free of the burden and pain. I plan on putting the photos somewhere else far from my regular attention, too. I plan on locking things away until I'm older and can appreciate what happened, despite how everything morphed and filled with hate or hurt or resentment or whatever it was in all those weird cases over the years.
I am going to live my life with every single feverish heartbeat I have.
The point of living isn't always to hang on. It's good to have firm roots, and it's okay to have memories. In fact, most of us can't imagine life without any roots. But, at some point, you have to come back to choice.
There is always, always, always a choice. You can loosen that grip.
The very last voicemail promised that next time there would be more listening, and less jumping to conclusions.
I pressed seven, I pressed seven, oh thank goodness I pressed seven and it was gone.
And, hey, I've mentioned Neb from the ROTC Ball I wrote about when I was fourteen or fifteen, and from the party I had this summer. He's back for another round of friendship.
We have something, but it's nothing, and it is the strangest nothing I have ever experienced, amen. It's a nonlationship. It never goes anywhere. It is fantastic because it doesn't exist.
And yet it does exist?
And yet it does.
It's strange, but he's been my friend longer than a lot of people. Maybe not when you add all the time up. XD That's all we'll be, in any case. I don't want more. I haven't honestly been really into any guys since this past summer, and that's unlikely to change.
Which is good. My math score is going to soar.
There's a rainbow pinwheel in front of me and I have faith up to my newly pierced ears.
pwp, ask and you can have the pass.
Monday. 12.7.09 7:52 pm
The Acronym Stands For Nothing.
Friday. 12.4.09 10:05 pm
listening to: my own humming
SATs are tomorrow. Who's pumped?! (Katie is!)
Because this is the easiest step towards college ever! You just do it and hope for the best! Not too much preparation, no year-round learning... You just review some old stuff, take a couple of practice tests, then get up one day and knock that sucker out!
What could be simpler? I mean, other things you have to do to get into college deal with asking teachers for references, writing long essays about vague subjects, and actually doing well in school. That, and knowing every detail the colleges want to know about you. such as social security numbers, e-mails of people, courses, parents' colleges, parents' work stuff...
This is the easiest part. Just sitting down, taking something that was originally an IQ test.
So simple. Let's do this thing.
SAT has stood for a lot of things, but they changed it to mean nothing. Now it's just a meaningless acronym.
That makes me more nervous than the test itself.
Friday. 11.27.09 12:33 pm
listening to: "Id Engager"
The other day, a couple of kids were walking through Michael's with foam swords. As I walk past, one of the kids looks back at her mom, then quickly stabs me and keeps walking.
Never in my life have I had so much hope for the next group of youngsters.
I've bound together my ticket, a PowerBar, a bundle of number two pencils, and a list of things to remember to bring for the SATs. It doesn't take long to become a veteran of this trade.
Here's hoping for a 2200. My writing score is about as boss as it will ever get, so I really have to focus on owning the heck out of math.
Otherwise, the last holiday hurdle has been jumped, and we're running towards the big kahuna. Time to get presents together, and make sure no one was left off the list. Time to hope and pray that everything gets here on time, and that everyone who gets something will like that something...or those somethings.
Which reminds me: I finally gave Seth a dreamcatcher I made him a LONG time ago. That's the thing about them, though; once I make a dreamcatcher with someone in mind, it isn't mine, or anyone else's. It is that one person's dreamcatcher, forever.
Sometimes, I wish that wasn't true. But usually, it's a beautiful thing, and a good motivator.
He seems to like it.
Time to go somewhere.
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