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note from the author
Tuesday. 11.11.14 4:28 am

So, I might not post for a while.

My bipolar disorder kind of hit ice, this semester, so I'm just trying to stay above water and keep my head down until winter break. It's hard to write an entry when everything feels so off and so not me.

That's all.

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i've always been a fan of poppies. (regular password)
Thursday. 10.16.14 1:45 am
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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When people feel guilty about eating.
Sunday. 9.28.14 1:14 am

"I really want a second burger...but I know I shouldn't."

"Well go get one!"

"I shouldn't, though..."


"...Okay, the way I see it, we are specks of dust in this universe, held by gravity on a sizeably larger speck of dust, hurdling through outer space at around sixty-thousand miles per hour. Grand scheme, an extra burger every once in a while is just as significant as inventing the atomic bomb. Grand scheme."

"...I feel so much better."

"Feels good, right?"

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Thursday. 9.25.14 10:01 pm

We have a speaker for the seminar I have to go through to keep funding for my organization.

She's 26 and is CEO of her own business, which she built during her college years. Something about her just says she knows what she's doing, so, when she tells us to figure out our top ten priority qualities that everyone in our lives should meet, I sit down, the next week, and think of around five, right off the bat.

The rest are still coming, but what I have so far:

1. Consent
2. Honesty
3. Equality
4. Communicativeness
5. Attentiveness
6. Respect

These are now my core, and that's been working for me. I've cut out a lot of unhealthy behavior in my executive board, and things are functioning much better. On top of that, I feel a lot better, because, suddenly, people aren't stepping all over me.


On Thursdays, we make decisions.

...I can't go through with dating him.

This hurts me a lot for a huge amount of reasons, the biggest being that I know we can't go back, now. I've trusted him with so much, over the years, and it hurts to have to let go of someone who has held so much importance and influence in my life.

I have to look out for me.

He doesn't meet this stuff--not even close--and it ends up hurting me and making me feel distressed, every single time. I'm not about to go through life feeling like this.

I'm sad, but it's time to make cuts. I'm nearly 23 years old. Enough fooling around.

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