questions which turned into a body image rant?
Wednesday. 2.27.13 3:10 pm
61. I have terrible circulation! My skin is almost always ice cold.
62. People who self-diagnose mental illnesses particularly bother me. Many illnesses have very common symptoms, and self-diagnosis can be problematic for actual, licensed psychiatrists, because you can very easily twist your experiences to match symptoms, and that can lead to some stuff like taking anti-depressants for bipolar disorder, which, by the way? Makes your bipolar disorder symptoms worse. -throws down mic-
63. I'm seriously considering stuffing my coat pockets with biodegradable confetti so I can sass bad drivers with flare. People are constantly almost hitting me when I have pedestrian right of way. Nothing says "Watch the road, jackass" like a psychotic smile and confetti.
64. Speaking of which. When people actually make me mad, I laugh like a serial killer.
65. I generally hate everything about having my nails polished, but sometimes I find an old color in my stuff and try it out...only to regret it, five seconds later, when something smudges.
66. This is why I have press-on nails for special events. I just glue those suckers to my actual hot mess nails, and they look good the whole night.
67. I've been wearing the same watch for four years...I don't take it off when I shower and usually not when I sleep. It stays on in the ocean, in the tub, while swimming laps, and during most nice dinners, although I draw the line at balls and formals.
68. I've erased about thirty potential facts about myself because they feel too emotionally-indulgent.
69. I feel like housekeeping has ruined my environmental consciousness.
70. I have a collection of quotes from my mother which I've turned into poems. They're all from her conversations with our pets. Behold:
before I kill both of you
Not just one
with my bare hands
71. I have too much spare time.
72. OH AND I JUST APPLIED FOR AN OFFICER POSITION WITH THE PSYCH CLUB, I have so much time! Hopefully I get it. I'm unusually qualified.
73. At some point in my life, someone told me that graphic ts are for teenagers, and I haven't worn one since, outside of band ts. I have no idea why that stuck.
74. Sometimes I go to the office where I work just to eat and play on the computer.
75. I have this school-approved disability thing for my anxiety (because yes, it's that bad, sometimes), and they gave me a pdf that I can print and give to my professors so they know I might sometimes need a different testing site, etc. etc...problem is, I get anxiety about giving the pdf to my professors so AWESOME JOB CAMPUS for actually not helping people with anxiety disorders at all.
76. My brother and I don't have a very strong relationship, but I've been trying, lately, because I know I'm the closest to him, out of all our family members, and that just sucks.
77. I don't know much about this aspect of my heritage, but my family is part Native American. I DON'T IDENTIFY AS NATIVE AMERICAN. I don't reject my culture or anything like that, but I also don't feel like my family participates enough in the community to make that, personally, okay. I have a special UV sensitivity because of it, but that's about as far as my awareness of the culture goes. I identify as Caucasian.
78. It sincerely bothers me (in a fleeting way) when people don't remember what color my eyes are.
79. When people tell me they've lost weight, I congratulate them...and always make sure to ask if their bodies feel healthier. Sometimes that small change in focus can make someone realize the true power of a healthy diet. There are plenty on bad ways to lose weight, and you won't ever feel good. Just like there are plenty of heavier people who feel amazing.
80. I used to hate my body, but now I'm absolutely in love with it. I celebrate regularly.
80.5. People who say, "I never understood why people don't just love the skin they're in" can go DIRECTLY to hell, do not pass Go, do not collect any money, assbutts. Also anything about thigh gaps or collarbones. Or tummy pooches (WELCOME TO HAVING A UTERUS, COME ON).
twenty more, and SCIENCE
Tuesday. 2.26.13 12:00 am
41. eBay and Amazon are essentially the only two places I shop online. Which is bad. But theyíre so easy and the free shippingÖ!
42. Studying. With big masses of information, I typically read, highlight, make a study guide for myself, and consider any sort of memory devices. With definitions and grammar, I make note cards.
43. My midterms are this week.
44. My favorite color is red, but mostly because people, for some reason, associate the color with me.
45. I really like carrying people and being carried. I think piggyback rides are fantastic.
46. I also like baths a LOT. There were about three weeks, when I first moved into the house Iím living in, when I took a bath every night.
47. I also chose this house for its clawfoot tub.
48. If you put cookies in front of me, I will probably eat all of them.
49. Sometimes I daydream about going back to eighth grade, knowing everything I know now, and setting myself up for an easy future.
50. But I canít, so now I really focus as well as I can on doing that for my future self, now. Itís just hard, when you canít see what the important aspects will be.
51. I think living like money doesnít matter is naive. Do what you love, by all means, but have a logical plan to follow through with it. Know your lifestyle.
52. I wish I saw my friends more often. Itís like we all live on different continents.
53. Iím extremely attracted to pragmatism. Itís the main thing I look for in romantic interests.
54. Probably because Iíve only had issues with people who are more emotionally-driven.
55. I dated an older guy for maybe a week, last year. It quickly ended when he mentioned his high school partying days to try to relate with me.
56. My roommate, last year, taught me how to stop conversations, and it has never failed me: ďHaha yeah.Ē It was the last thing I texted to the older guy, along with several others, and for some reason, that stops texting in its tracks and they never start up again. I donít understand this sorcery.
57. The first time I went to a college party, I ate two plates of pasta beforehand because I was afraid of getting drunk. I was the personification of Americaís alcohol education. That said, I ended up having like half a beer before realizing how much I didnít like parties. Or beer.
58. Iíd prefer going out and getting dinner/dessert/frozen yogurt/coffee/hot cocoa.
59. But anyway, then I discovered scotch and things went downhill for my ďAlCoHOl??????!11 EEEWWW!!1Ē persona.
60. I write any recipe Iím about to try on a post-it note and stick it to the inside of the cabinet above the oven. If itís too long for a post-it, it probably isnít worth making just for fun.
"Some people call me Maurice..." he mutter-sings, followed closely by the corresponding whistle. This is exactly the type of morbid comedy that manages to make me laugh out loud, as there is currently a dead rat named Maurice in front of us, its intestines hanging just slightly over the left edge of its open abdominal cavity.
Later, after he cracks the jawbones in Maurice's mouth so it hangs open awkwardly with Joker-esque, jagged cuts, he wiggles the poor rat's tongue around, then fixes his fingers around Maurice's bottom jaw, opening and closing his mouth. "Ahh, how ya doin'?" Maurice asks.
This is, apparently, what attracts me.
the next 20
Monday. 2.25.13 12:01 am
21. I'm a big list-writer. I plan everything with them, from packing for a trip to celebrations--everything. Not just shopping lists and the like. It's borderline obsessive.
22. Doctor Who is one of my favorite shows, and I sometimes see people on campus with Doctor Who t-shirts on and give them high-fives.
23. I love running into people I know more than just about anything else that happens throughout my day.
24. If I can make someone attractive smile, it makes me so giddy.
25. Even more than that, if I can make someone who really doesn't emote much laugh? It feels so rewarding.
26. If you know how to cook real Southern food, we're immediately friends.
27. I am completely in love with everything Anne Hathaway says or does.
28. This year brought about the first time I've ever ended on bad terms with a boyfriend (--or, an ex-boyfriend, by then, but it's still bad terms).
29. And so I'm left with this awkward, "What do I do with the elephant he got me" feeling, because I don't really want to look at it, and I'm not sentimental enough to keep it somewhere, and I'm not rude enough to toss it, and I'm not evil enough to sell it, so it's just sitting on my top shelf, waiting for judgement day.
29.5. I just realized that this makes it THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM
30. I've never liked any living situation where I couldn't walk around naked at any given moment.
31. Hoping for a private backyard, when I get my own place. Not much else matters.
32. I've been thinking more and more about getting my motorcycle license. My car is getting old and unreliable.
33. I think it's really aggravating how America makes it seem like people admitting to their faults is enough. Yeah, you still have to work on them! You can't just go, "Yeah I'm a shitty person and that is very unfortunate."
34. From what I've seen, there are very few straight, single males on my campus who are educated without being unstable.
35. My neighbors are very noisy.
36. The house I live in is lovely, but I can't wait to get back on campus. Next year will be much easier.
37. My favorite foods when I was a kid were chicken and dumplings soup and white cheddar shells.
38. I was not a thin kid.
39. I like the idea of living somewhere tropical, maybe near the beach. Mosquito nets, screened-in porches, wooden chimes, greenery everywhere outside... It always sounded perfect.
40. I have a lot more composure than I used to. Even though I still talk at the speed of light if you get me angry enough.
Sunday. 2.24.13 1:21 am
I'M GOING FOR THE GOLD AND USING THE LAST FIVE DAYS TO TACKLE THE 100 FACT CHALLENGE ROUND TWO.
TWENTY QUALITY FACTS PER DAY, STARTING NOW.
1. I love knowing how to cook. Thereís a certain gratification that comes with being able to mix up some cookies or a good sauce without consulting a recipe.
2. Also, I love cute couples. Itís different if itís all about emotional photos or kissing whereverÖ what Iím talking about, here, are couples who just glow with happiness, even when theyíre just walking down the street together. They give me a lot of hope.
3. Iím big on equality.
4. But Iím also still learning.
5. My favorite musical artists are Dead Manís Bones, Bon Iver, and The Black Keys.
6. I love snail mail. Thereís nothing quite as awesome as sending someone a package.
7. Much like cats with people who have allergies, children naturally gravitate towards me so strongly that I'm afraid they're going to start to maintain orbit. NO, NO PIGGYBACK RIDES okay maybe one
8. I own an obscene amount of bathing suits, partially due to the fact that I havenít grown since fifth grade, and partially due to the fact that I love the beach and have to have several just so my other ones can have time to soak and dry.
9. Iíve been contemplating writing my own student cookbook, since I have yet to find one that is both healthy, easy, and cheapÖand all of my personal recipes are healthy, easy, and cheap.
10. I love wearing other schoolsí t-shirts.
11. Iím more afraid of ending up with the wrong person than I am of being alone.
12. I apologize to and thank all the things I dissect in Biology lab.
13. But I still shake when making the incisions.
14. I like the idea of having nieces and nephews sleep over, when I own my own home and whatnot, but the prospect of having children of my own has never interested me.
15. People give me a hard time about that, claiming that Iím too young to understand wanting children. No, youíre too closed-minded to understand emphatically not wanting children. Thereís a difference. Some people are not like you.
16. Sometimes I feel really hopeless when I sit on my perch, on campus, and listen to the conversations of people passing below.
17. I like McDonaldís.
18. I hate people who shame people who like McDonaldís. Making others feel sucky about their choices doesnít make you look any less like something that would come out of a horseís butt, so cheers.
19. I used the phrase ďsweating my balls offĒ in conversation, last night, and now Iím thinking that may have been a date. This realization sent me into raucous laughter.
20. People pay for my dinner a lot without it being a date, though, so I can never tell. In related news, Iím not really sure why my friends all decide to pay for my meals. I love them and owe them.
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