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Well, your CD collection looks shiny and costly
Saturday. 6.26.10 11:11 pm

What's there to say?

This past week has been a crazy whirlwind of good and bad.

First, I should preface my tales with this little fact: my parents are divorcing. (I'm fine.)

Father's Day, my dad and I went out to dinner after a long weekend of Mom out of the house (some of which Dad was out of the house, too. That was nice). We talked and bonded a lot. I learned a lot about the divorce that I think I needed to know. I've always only gotten my mom's side, when really my dad's family has the record of holding more stable relationships.

What I'm saying is that I've been looking back on my relationships of the past, wishing I'd had those talks with my dad before now. Reparation to myself is on its way, I think, so maybe I can love someone, someday, the way that person deserves to be loved.

Instead of being a crazy copy of my mother.

Anyway. That was something I had some time to ponder and maybe start to fix.

Otherwise...there was a party on Wednesday--Manal's. She's a friend of mine and has been since I was in...I think eighth grade. Her party was generally pretty fun; we swam, ran around, and just generally enjoyed ourselves. Afterward I told some of the people I hang around that I wanted Steak N Shake, so we headed over there for a late night meal.

I got some really bad news from my mom and went and threw up in the bathroom. Admittedly, the poker face I had on, coming out of the bathroom, masked exactly how bad it was--heart-shattering--and I was somewhat proud that I had that ability still. Even though I couldn't hide it completely, it was better than reacting the way I wanted to.

I went home and told Stevie. I'm still not sure if that was too cool of me.

But what's done is done. :-\

Anyway. Thursday was spent cleaning up the mess that was made the night before, which was REALLY no easy feat. I distinctly remember using the sentence, "I'm just eighteen. I don't know how to help," like it meant something (it doesn't). I fell asleep late, after learning that my dad was going to move out.

The next day, I went to Neb's house. It was pretty cool. I love how you don't have to talk, there. You can just sit, and sing, and not talk. I mean, sure I talked some, but mostly it was just nice to be outside, hanging out with people and listening to Neb and Xavier play their respective instruments (Neb with a guitar, Xavier running between guitar and bass). Xavier sang a song in Spanish to me...I'm not sure exactly what he said, but what I did catch made me blush like mad.

Then he sang a song about a vendetta against cats...then about a fuzzy fuzzy caterpillar...then munging (Sarah's idea)...then he went back to the caterpillars because I reminded him that they turn into butterflies. Later in the night it was dark and the tiki torches looked even cooler. Everything was so chill. It made me want to pick up a guitar all over again.


So, here I am, on Saturday, listening to Cake and doing tons of laundry and cleaning.

That's my story, and I'm sticking with it.



(I so almost snuck out and stayed the night at Neb's. A bunch of people were camping in his backyard and my mother doesn't seem to understand that 1) I don't have sex, and 2) I'm a legal adult. Whatever.)

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Droid does parties.
Friday. 6.18.10 9:33 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Light
Monday. 6.14.10 3:56 pm

All right. Here's how it went down:

I woke up this morning an hour late, grabbed a quick shower, applied some no fuss makeup, and was out the door. Then I sat in the wrong section of the health department until they let me know (there are practically no signs up) and pointed me in the right direction.

I hate places without signs.

THEN, I filled out my form, handed them my license, and sheepishly let the ladies know that no, my mother did not give me the insurance card, and that I had no idea who was covering us.

All right, okay, just bring it next time and we'll fill you in.

Great! So I'm off to the office to get some shots!

Three! Two in my left arm, one in my right. I think going alone for me is better, because I didn't even feel faint. Usually I'm all over the place after a shot.

THEN! because I was feeling great, I swung by the old bibliotheque for some books. I picked up Anna Karenina (Tolstoy; because reading it off my computer is sometimes a bit inconvenient), War and Peace (Tolstoy), A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens), Bluebeard (Vonnegut; I've already gone through all his popular ones), and Pride and Prejudice (Austen; tried reading it, hated it; watched the movie, fell in love with the plot. Going to try reading it again, for the sake of enjoying a good story).

Hopefully I can get through this set in a week or so. I'm a bit worried about War and Peace.

Anyway.

After that, I went and bought a wallet and some underpants. The salesgirl seemed pretty quiet at first, but I've figured out from some trial and error that, if you ask or comment about how hectic it seems (when it does), it really gives them something to be happy about--someone noticed how much it sucks! Yes! She complimented my blue and green pair of underwear, even, after we talked about the sudden customer rush and the strategy she has to combat it.

It was pretty cool. I hope she had a nice day.

Hmm. Then I went to Michael's for some bandannas, because hiking gets really strenuous on certain trails and it helps to have something around my forehead to keep me dry. Several different colors. Nice. There was also a cayenne pepper grow kit and a hackysack, both on sale. Bought them. Hello, college preparedness.

So now I'm yawning, considering dinner and a movie before some late-night cleaning. :]


"All the variety, all the charm, all the beauty of life is made up of light and shadow."

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coming up only to hold you under
Saturday. 6.12.10 12:18 am

:]


First of all, I went to the beach with some friends. It was a last-minute thing, and I'm so happy I went. The waves always feel like home. I think maybe I'll hope for dolphinhood in my next life.

Otherwise...hmm. What is noteworthy. I *did* find someone to talk to about literature, travel, things of that nature. Funny thing is, I already knew this person...? Just, knowing someone and "finding" that someone is different. It's like you realize that this person is sort of in your life somehow. XD I don't know how to explain it. I'm just pleased with this turn of events because it means I get to gush about Anna Karenina when I finish reading it.

Which, if you know me, is pretty exciting.

Plus, I haven't seen the inside of a plane in months, and don't even talk to me about international flights. I thought I was going to Peru, this spring break, but my cousins planned it so that I wouldn't be able to go. Hopefully not on purpose. I can't see any reason why they would do that, anyway. I'm generally pretty no-fuss.

That's a current frustration of mine, if you haven't noticed. I was supposed to see Germany, this summer, but I haven't brought it up since my dad brought up divorce. Funny how voicing some things can silence others.


Sad music just swelled up on iTunes. I think it's mocking me. -changes song-

It goes into "A Fifth of Beethoven."

Disco fares better.


Anyway...

I started filling out a transfer application after realizing that 1) I could really use Latin and my school only offers French and Spanish, 2) I can most likely cover the costs of the college I'd rather go to with my scholarship-making skills, and 3) the standards of the school just really aren't great. Let me go into that last one a bit better.

They pride themselves in being a women's college. And yes, it's pretty cool. But then they talk about how the fact that no male students may attend will help the female students concentrate better and not worry about what men think of them.

WHAT.

If you're attending a women's college, you already don't care, because you know most men out there now assume you are a lesbian. Further... empowerment is, to some extent, ignoring the issue. If you want to be a powerful woman next to any man, ignore the fact that you're a woman and they're men. Equalize yourself immediately.

Play with the big boys, for goodness sakes.

So, yes, that kind of offended me. The whole,
We help women feel comfortable asking questions and taking charge with labs and stuff
thing.



I ran a literary magazine for two years with men in high positions. We worked well together even though I led and they followed, which is what happens in a corporation. Someone leads. Others follow. I just happen to be a woman.


Get over it.

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