I have to admit, I miss it. I miss how the world used to be before it was turned upside-down by high school, and revelations from various people, and new people, and lost friendships...

I guess you could say I just miss loving certain people. As friends, that is. Then again, you can love someone without being in love, so maybe I miss...

Anyway. This one song I used to listen to, back in '06 made me start writing this. Everything was easier in middle school, and I know that sentimentality might be over by the time I'm fully grown, but...I don't care. I'm young now, and I know what I miss. It might have been complicated with the emotions of hundreds of new teenagers flying around, but there was a sort of peace that came with that tiny workload. And, none of my friends cared about who they were.

Now, it's like we're all such different people. It makes me wonder if I can ever be happy like that again. I guess if every love is different, then there could be different types of happiness...

-is not convinced-

Life's rough. People move on from each other so quickly, then their friendship turns into a pizza in the way that, when you cut a pizza, if more people want a slice, then it cuts into more tinier slices.

There are some people who are giving me a really nice-sized slice, though, like the ones at the pizza place in the galleria. Like Britney. She's such a loyal friend. I think people make the mistake of thinking loyal means...Iunno, clingy. But she's just there when I need her, and makes sure to every once in a while hang out with me one-on-one. I think I prefer her, too, because we hit the height of our friendship when I was happiest. Sometimes I think I should just do exactly what I did then, because I must have been thinking pretty clearly, back in the best days.

>.< I guess that's the long version of saying that I'm not happy, now. There have only been a few days when I have been, lately, and I don't even want to talk about that, right now.

It's just too complicated.

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I can't stand when teachers go horribly, horribly wrong.

There's this teacher in my school...we'll name him Kermit for the sake of being anonymous, since I don't think people would appreciate me giving out their last names online. He's usually a really nice guy, but he's having a super hard time, lately. His home life has recently become VERY stressful, so I could understand some strain.

But this is ridiculous. He called out my buddy for not reading something I admit, we were supposed to be reading. HOWEVER, no one else had been reading it during class; they'd done it the night before. I don't know why he assumed she hadn't but they had.

That isn't even the point, though. The point is that he's gotten so mean. Again, I do understand it. I just don't think that's right, to call people out and embarrass them. Mean teachers do that. He shouldn't.

Anyway. I just got back from Italy a couple days ago. Generally, I was really unimpressed with Italy. I tell everyone the guys were the best part, and that is so totally true.

I mean, there was just this one very sweet one in Italy...he made the entire trip worth while, just by smiling at me, and giving me looks, and grinning when I ate...

It was...ugh. I'm not used to having cute little tender moments without it being ruined by a kiss. And you know, I like kissing. Kissing is good. More kissing, I say.

But there are times when things should just be more simplistic and pure. Life should be easy and happy, like childhood, sometimes. If it's not, you won't survive. You just won't.

I just wanna have more of that. It's not even that the guy and I had anything, it was just that he was quiet and sweet and...did simple things.

That's the best way to get someone to love you. Simplicity. Because I think every thing's complicated enough as it is.

I know the best times I've ever had with guys were in the park. It's so peaceful back there, you can't help but be taken by it.

-sigh, happy smile-

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I hate when my mother talks to my aunt. She gets out the wine and drinks it like it's fucking water.

And then she comes upstairs and tries to socialize with me. And she wonders why I'm so mean to her, at that moment? Doesn't she get that this type of stuff is disappointing? I mean, honestly, I'm the teenager. I'm the one who's supposed to be going out and getting drunk. That's what they do.

But no. I'm the responsible one, driving for her when she isn't "well enough" to do so herself.

Sickening. I want to Caps Lock at her.

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Five minutes.

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I fought the urge

So hard

Not to just

B
r e
a
k

d
o
w n


But I think I am, anyway.

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Seth got on me about my friendship with Sarah, tonight...that was kind of crossing a line, too. It wasn't his business, but he insisted upon it, anyway.

I'm trying, you know? I'm trying to make things better, but we'll never be the same, and I'm aware of that. It isn't that we don't like each other--I love her like a sister--it's just that we're changing. She isn't so loyal, anymore, and that kind of hurts.

I guess it's just hard to mold ashes back into a full piece of paper.


The bruise Will gave me on my elbow is aching nonstop, and he's kind of being an asshole about it. It'd at least be nice if he'd really said sorry and not tried to wipe spit on me again RIGHT AFTERWARDS. Because my elbow hurts. :[ Sarah says the bone is bruised. Agh.


Anyway. It's really nice outside. Even now, I'm betting I could go out in something for temperate weather and feel all right. The days have been generally sunny with some clouds. It's nice to feel the sun again. It's also nice to not have to stare at it through my eyelids to get my daily fix of happiness, haha. We all have our diseases, you know? Everything, these days, is an ailment.

I usually have pretty neat ones. :D Even my illnesses are unique and quirky! Ohoho!

Trying to not talk about what's making me frustrated, right now.

So I'll talk some about my classes.

Today, in first period, all we did was test. First it was a big test on all the elements up through period seven on the periodic table (I think I probably got in the 90s, if not a perfect score), and then the second was a quiz on our chapter, which was hard and I think I bombed it.

Everything kind of balances out.

Anyway, I found out what I'll have to do while in Italy--

BY THE FREAKING WAY, EVERYONE!

I'm going to Italy. :D

In...four days. We're going to all the big places, then a little island where we'll lay out in the country and eat cheese with some wine. I don't think I'll drink the wine, even though it's supposed to be amazing and I'll be of age. I'm just not...into drinking. Some alcohol every once in a while is all right for of age adults...but I don't see the use in it beforehand. Drown your sorrows? Buy ice cream and drown them in that. Just tastes good? HEY, so does apple cider!

...No one should NEED the stuff. That's all I'm saying.

Topics flying everywhere. I'm getting off for the night.

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