The first impact was a tree root, and it made an audible crunch. I felt pain shoot up my entire leg, and yelped a little.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah...that one actually hurt. My toe feels weird. ...It's okay."

He looked at me for a second longer, his eyebrows pushed together. I gave him an encouraging smile and we kept on the trail. We were on mile fifteen of our hike, and, up until that point, I'd been feeling pretty strong and able to finish the hike.

Now I was shaking a little.

The second impact came from a rather large rock, about a mile or a mile and a half later, and my eyes teared up. We were less than five hundred feet from the car, so I pushed forward and insisted everything was fine, that, "Worst case, it's broken."

...Worst case happened. I got the shoe off, in the shower room, and grabbed the toe to wiggle it, ignoring the pain for a second to inspect its stability.

It crunched uselessly.

"AHHH SHOOT."

(Author's Note: I can hear myself saying this in my head because it is exactly how I react to bodily harm.)

Standing on one foot, I checked myself for ticks (none, what the heck) and showered. Then I rinsed out my Camelbak's reservoir, hung it up to dry, and went to sleep because my whole body was confused by this sudden introduction of intense pain.

I woke up still crunchy.

Now it's all buddied up with its neighbor, happily difficult to move. I should be in more pain but I'm freaking Batman so WHERE'S RACHEL you stupid broken toe you don't hurt me NYAH.


NOW FOR A SHORT DISCUSSION ON FEAR, which is one of the topics that truly infuriates me.

Buying stuff will not make you interesting or lovable. Stop being afraid of being alone and not fitting in. Everyone feels alone, at some point, everyone is single, at some point, and you don't need to be afraid of people not thinking you're their type of person, because, frankly, people will hate you more if you pretend to love something than they will if you hate something upfront (plus everyone can tell when you aren't passionate about something and it's really annoying to watch someone lie).

You DO NOT need videogames to make friends with gamers, just like you don't need to have to drink just to get along with drinkers. People either respect your conviction to yourself and your interests, and will find common ground, or they won't like you, and you'll know one more person with whom you would never want to hang out, BECAUSE GUESS WHAT, THAT PERSON IS A JERK.

I'm so sick of seeing people trapped within that need to do everything and be everything in hopes to increase the possibility of finding a mate/more friends/more acceptance. It infuriates me that society has us thinking we have to consume, and hide, and fill ourselves up with things we don't care about, in order to get along in this world.

...I'll start.

I freaking love the outdoors and I cannot stand going to amusement parks. Roller coasters could cease to exist tomorrow and I would not bat an eye. I also don't like golf or watching football. Or futbol. I like basketball. I don't usually play video games, nor do I like drinking. My favorite drink is NOT water, screw health, I LIKE CRANBERRY JUICE. AND PASTRIES. I freakin' love pastries.


So let's see, I guess everyone who loves roller coasters, most major sports, video games, drinking, and/or healthy eating is OUT OF MY LIFE.


...Welp it appears I made my point without meaning to, because I've dated someone in every category I just listed and we got on fine.


So in conclusion, crunchy toes, and society can suck it, because I am not afraid of ending up alone.

CRUNCHY TOES BECAUSE I AM NOT AFRAID OF BEING ALONE.



PS: Out of nowhere, I started watching Star Trek, and it's actually winning, in my books, over most modern television shows. It's especially awesome, after watching the one Star Trek movie (2009), because you can see how they filled in certain uncertainties like the double pilot, not to mention all the homage paid to the original series. That's something I've noticed about the "nerd community" as a whole; every movie based on a graphic novel, comic book, or sci-fi show that I've seen has slipped in a few tiny pieces of history from the origin.

PPS: I was surprised about the lack of ticks because the person with whom I was hiking racked up about fifteen. If you mind ticks, though, you won't like hiking. Fact of life.

PPPS: Can someone please bring me Crunchy Cheetos? Saying the word "crunchy" a bunch gave me a craving for those and Crunch Berries.

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Try not to judge me when I say that I AM DEFINITELY WATCHING AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL RIGHT NOW OKAY.

I have a point to make!

There's one girl in...which season is this (I don't know self)...okay whatever there have been several girls like this throughout the seasons, anyway. There's a girl named Heather. She apparently has Asperger's Syndrome and a cocktail of mental disorders that, in part, come along for the ride. So Tyra Banks, during judging for a commercial shoot, mentions that they did read her the lines because of her Asperger's.

She proceeds to call it an advantage.

...Excuse me?

From my viewpoint, which is that of someone who has (very minimal, but still active) help from the school for a mental disorder, this girl is constantly living her life at a DISadvantage. It amazes me that, especially in the United States where we seem to be especially open about therapy and mental health (considering that the AMA writes the DSM manuals), some people still think that all extra help is putting someone at an advantage. I may need a separate testing area, but that's because it is impossible for me to concentrate on a test if someone is even chewing gum, and that alone can push me into a serious anxiety attack. If everyone had that problem, I am most certain that we would have a different testing environment altogether, because no educator in his right mind would make students test under those circumstances.

The point of disability programs are to even out the playing field. Of course there are students who take advantage of the program, just like there are students that take advantage of medications (Ritalin, hello?). The new DSM-5 is supposed to really restrict the number of diagnoses for any given disorder by increasing the minimum number of symptoms any given person must meet to receive affirmation and treatment, which will make a big difference, there. (By the way, this freaks me out because I'm very high functioning, but it will help with this ADHD madness.)

Disability programs identify what the student needs to even out the playing field with every other regular student, whether the disabled student ends up not studying too terribly well and makes a D, or the student works hard and makes straight As. The point isn't to turn them into dependent, lazy people. The point is to get them through school, so they can go into the workforce with a great resume, just like anyone else. Once you're in the workforce, it's up to you to figure out how to accommodate your own disorders...but it will be okay, because getting help in the peak years typically helps you figure out what you need, and what you need to avoid.

I'm in support of getting help when you need it. People who make others feel ashamed about it need to put some of that energy into educating themselves about 1) the mental disorder itself, and 2) the disability service.

So, essentially, Tyra Banks can take her false sense of understanding when it comes to mental health and "special treatment" and shove it.

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My perfectly healthy, nine-year-old dog died, while I was in Florida volunteering. I felt her go when I was standing beside the 19A soccer field, and wasn't surprised, later, when my dad texted, telling me to call my mum. I got home that night and she tried to let me get settled in and go to the bathroom first, like any mother should. I turned around and asked her what was wrong.

"Nothing...everything's fine."

"Then where's Sophie, Mum."

And then she burst into tears and told me she was sorry, that she had to put her down. The suspected cause was rat poison. Her blood wouldn't coagulate enough to give her spleen surgery, and so they just gave her the injection. She would have died soon, anyway, but not soon enough, and in a lot of pain.

I've been crying since I found out, last night. I've been this upset only one other time in my life, and I had to surround myself with friends just to get myself to eat, for weeks after the fact.


Mum can have some, but I want most of her ashes. I know it's kind of weird. But she was my Adventure Dog. She always came with me.

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I left the house at 11am yesterday and haven't spent more than ten minutes sitting around at home since then.

IT IS EIGHT TWENTY IN THE MORNING AND I AM JUST GETTING SETTLED IN FOR BED HOW DID THIS HAPPEN. First it was Oh Come With Me to the Vet so You Can Help Me Decide on a Method to Remove [Dog's] Eye (sounds cool, sold), then it was Ooh New Resale Shop We Should Go (yeah sure I like shopping occasionally), then it was ARE YOU COMING TO ULTIMATE? (what ultimate) THE ONE TODAY (what are y--ohhh crap maybe (can I bring a friend? ...okay then I'll come)), then it was Hey Let's Get Taco Bell (not hungry, but I'll watch you eat), then it was HEY LET'S GET CICI'S (hell yeah pizza desserts), then COME BOWLING WITH US (I like bowling), then HUNGRY. STARVING. LET'S GO TO WAFFLE HOUSE (yeah sure I could eat again).

I thought it was over when we left Waffle House. Nooo. My friend ended up staying in the guest room (Neb; he's sleeping soundly upstairs as I type this (sucker)), which I neatened up for him, along with the bathroom.

So I come downstairs to check my computer and wobble off into a lazy sleep.

Oh look chat messages.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP YOU SHOULD BE ASLEEP COME OVER NO DON'T NO COME OVER REALLY YOU'LL LOVE IT NO YOU'RE WEAK IF YOU COME OVER YOU WILL FEEL ASTRONOMICAL REGRET COME OVER OR DON'T I DON'T CARE DO WHAT YOU WANT BUT YOU'RE MISSING OUT (KJHEKJHGE HOLY CRAP YOU ARE INSANE I'M JUST GOING TO COME AND WE'LL SORT THIS OUT ON THE FLIP SIDE).


LEAVE THERE AT SEVEN IN THE MORNING.

I Should Check on Mum While I'm Out, [Dog] Has Surgery Today (I DON'T CARE JUST DO WHAT YOU WANT fine I'm going to visit Mum).

HEY [Unicornasaurus], WHY DON'T YOU COME WITH ME FOR ADDED SUPPORT (O_O what is sleep).

LET'S GO HOME SELF (shnorgfffffffffffffffferrrrrrrrrrnnnn...?).


Guuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh...?

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