the possum in his closet
Friday. 2.15.13 7:35 pm
This interview, in which Aziz Ansari casually convinces me to marry him.
Phone calls are important. Talking is important. I don't like this texting business going on with my New York person, and I think, if things don't start getting a bit less...chatty, I might have to pull a Monster.
...Usually I say, "Pull a [last name of SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW (SOMEBODYYY)]" but this is NuTang so hello, Pull a Monster.
LITTLE BACKGROUND INFO:
It was very quickly decided, once, when our romance was legitimate and not yet the romantic equivalent of Macaulay Culkin in his adult years, that we would not be so romantically persistent because there was great distance between us, and the monster was particularly opposed to phone calls (PS when someone far away says they "would date you right now" but that they don't like phone calls, run like they've just poured gasoline on you and are lighting a match). This was his decision, even though I was starting to feel...caged in our texting. The monotony was becoming very apparent.
BUT, it took sixty-odd days to get there, and that I'm oopskindofproudof. Those were mostly good days, I don't care what came after.
Anyway, at that point, things disintegrated and became increasingly complex and intermittently painful. That's what happens when you pull a monster--you end that initial habit, and make distance so that it doesn't start up again. Even if you're just doing this for a couple of months, you're essentially dooming the relationship (though, maybe it was doomed from the moment it didn't really become a relationship, but rather some place in between where there was mutual affection but too much distance and time between).
But now I get it.
Now I freaking get it.
It's done for either way. You either tell this person that there needs to be more distance, because things are moving along artificially (text does not sustain real conversation--you can't connect via text that well, I'm sorry) and it won't support a real romance, and the relationship becomes almost certainly doomed because you almost feel uncomfortable and angry when the other person somehow violates that distance...OR, you let it keep going and you become so claustrophobic, so exhausted from putting up with monotony that, someday, the tension snaps and the relationship ends.
Third choice is, of course, that both parties stop naturally and things continue to take their course of action. Whether things work out or not...well, that's up to the two individuals, and what it's like when they're together...
But I get it. I totally get it.
And, I definitely need to see if I can't stop the everyday texting (yeah, I know, bad Unicornasaurus. Bad idea), before it turns into a, We Need To Seriously Slow Down and Take Some Distance.
Because I'm starting to feel like I'm just pacing in a cage, again. It's more extreme than last time, but I also wasn't the one to suggest "taking distance," last time. Maybe this is how he felt.
Maybe he's just a jackass, but just maybe this is how he felt.
Just...right now, I'm doing what makes sense, which is to take space if I need space. He knows the deal--we've been feeling this whole thing out, and that takes time, so we should be moving so slowly, staying free agents, et cetera.
But I think that--like I did, once--he's changed his hopes.
Knew it was too easy. The fates love pairing the elusive unicornasaurus with blatant, glaring parallels. It's like a game. See How Obvious We Can Make It Without Her Noticing.
BUT OBVIOUSLY MYTHOLOGICAL CREATURES DON'T MAKE MISTAKES SO I'M COOL RIGHT
Thursday. 2.14.13 6:21 pm
Really loving all the self-love statuses about how Valentine's Day isn't just for couples, but, personally, I just went ahead and opted for the neon sign which reads, "I AM UNHAPPILY SINGLE." Saves me SO much trouble, on days like today.
I GOT MY HIKING BOOTS, TODAY. They were eighty bucks off the regular price, on eBay, just because they're a little marked up. But they're hiking boots! You won't know what color they were supposed to be for long, anyway! And in either case, they make me feel like I'm walking on air. I'm so excited to get them out into the mountains. Overall awesome day.
the human shield
Wednesday. 2.13.13 12:29 am
various graduation dates
Tuesday. 2.12.13 1:36 am
So I have four credits beyond my major and minor. Which used to be one, before I nearly laughed myself off a cliff and dropped an unnecessary three-credit course, because there is NO WAY I'm staying here for an entire semester for one credit (no, there isn't another way to earn it before my "graduation date," but it's okay).
So, four. That's two physical education classes, or a language and a conversation lab, or a science and a lab, or a seminar/practicum/stage makeup class and a regular three-credit course, or two dance classes, OR A BUNCH OF OTHER THINGS. Or a combination!
I think maybe ballet or more French.
Anyway. The school has this program where basically they'll train you for free to become a LGBTQ ally--essentially someone to chat with, go to about problems...someone people can trust.
And I'm all about making people feel safe at university. Going to uni is a commitment that deserves all the focus and effort possible, and feeling unsafe/anxious/unwelcome at the place where you not only study, but eat, sleep, shower...?! You'll never graduate!
And by that I mean, statistically, you will never see graduation.
--Sobering considerations aside, I'm going to training, tomorrow night, and I really hope it's everything they say it is.
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