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I will give you the password!!
Thursday. 1.26.12 11:16 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Actually I'm not that interested in which shoes you get, but thanks for including me.
Wednesday. 1.25.12 2:20 pm

Define your choices. Write them down, if that helps.

Eliminate the choices you don't want anything to do with immediately.

Weigh the benefits and issues with each choice. If it helps, create a numerical points system using several different variables (long-term advantage, 1-5; ease of implementation, 1-5; et cetera).

List the choices from best to worst, based on your numerical analysis.

(For people who don't make their choices based purely on logic)
If you're unhappy with this list, go with the one you wanted to see at the top.



THIS, everyone, is how you come to a decision in a (mostly) logical fashion. I've had approximately one million people come to me for advice on silly little things that they are AGONIZING OVER, this week, AND I'M DONE LISTENING ABOUT THAT GUY YOU WANT TO ASK OUT.

ASK HIM OUT OR DON'T.

SO I'M WRITING THIS ON SEVERAL NOTECARDS AND HANDING THEM TO MY DECISION-MAKING-HANDICAPPED FRIENDS.



ANYONE HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?

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I used all my good puns on midday
Saturday. 1.21.12 1:07 am



I got an interview for a position I'm really, really interested in, and it's all very exciting. :3 If I get this job, I won't need the job I have right now...WHICH MEANS I CAN *~*~*~*~*~*QUIT*~*~*~*~*~*~*.

Sales just doesn't fit me. Especially when I'm not incredibly passionate about lotions and two hundred dollar plates. Were I selling, say, cameras, or books, or a single, solid, likable product/line of products (from the same company), this would be a slightly different story. But general goods...not really my favourite sell. It's kind of like trying to defecate out of your ear.

Also, I'm pulling a Meredith (Grey's Anatomy? Anyone? Please?) and knitting. I'm staying far, far, far away from relationships for a long, long time. My various scarves, afghans, and sweaters will keep me warm at night. I've been hit on, down here...and it's just annoying... It doesn't make me feel *~*~*~*sexayyyy*~*~*~*. It makes me feel like someone is in my personal space, trying to see what lurks beneath my pants.

BRO. THEY'RE THERE FOR A REASON.

My first datingish thing here started, actually, because the guy mistook me for someone who wouldn't ridicule him for playing Angels and Airwaves and lighting candles to gain access to the netherworld between my legs. He was lucky he had conversation skills, or I would have left the house laughing.

So until someone can treat me like a cute little rabbit in their backyard and stalk CAREFULLY, and SLOWLY (rather than running and screaming at me)...I'm knitting this scarf. And then another. AND THEN ANOTHER.

SCARVES FOR EVERYONE.

Photobucket



[1:48:15 AM] middaymoon: whatcha blogging about
[1:50:04 AM] Unicornasaurus: Wool you guess before I tell you?
[1:50:15 AM] Unicornasaurus: I'm yarning to hear your thoughts
[1:51:27 AM] middaymoon: You want me to guess?
[1:52:27 AM] Unicornasaurus: It's about time you cotton.

(I just realized that you guys don't usually see us as two real-life friends who interact quite often and sometimes have inappropriate dreams about one another. Guys, we talk in real life, SOMETIMES ABOUT NUTANG. IT ACTUALLY HAPPENS.)

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emotion commotion!
Tuesday. 1.17.12 3:28 am

While I'm awake...(disclaimer...I talk about a super duper mental disorder, in this episode. If you don't like riding in the Bummer Hummer, check on out of this page, pal)


I had this thing, with a friend of a friend, over the summer. It wasn't really a big deal--actually, it was kind of a dark, destructive time for me (so it's funny that I think back to it now, in a way, because I sort of self-destructed this past week--back to that in a bit), so it was a big deal in a different way.

I just needed something to NOT care about. I'm the type of person who doesn't get into relationships; I find the men who most desire the single life, and I get hung up on them, and they get hung up on me. And it's all very, very frustrating, sometimes, when I realize that the only thing different between us and a couple are the words "a couple."

So I needed to not care, for a while, and it worked out great. I had delightfully surface-level, minimal feelings for him, and there was absolutely nothing permanent or even semi-permanent about it. Coming into college, last semester...I felt freed of all that horrible weight, freed of that terrible feeling of instability.

Of course, I easily found my way back there. But, I've found that, now, I rear back from it more often. I remind myself that I'm exactly where I don't want to be, and I freak out, and I get mad, and I try my hardest, subconsciously, to screw everything up so I don't have to be afraid of the guy leaving, anymore. And I guess that I just wish these guys would realize that, when I get mad, and upset, and start pushing...it just means I'm developing real, concrete feelings (which takes me months, if not years), and that I DON'T want them to let me push them away.

But, of course, when someone goes absolutely bonkers and accuses you of avoiding her, tells you she's super upset, et cetera...well, you don't hear the things that don't come out ("I'm scared you'll leave and we won't be able to talk, anymore." "I might actually like you, which keeps me up at night." "I'm having a bad week and I kind of need you around to support me").

You mostly just hear that ringing in your ears that comes with being really, really mad. And the sound of some crazy wench trying to yell at you for no apparent reason. Or crazy person reasons.


Whatever. Problem two. As some of you might remember, I have this thing called Bipolar Type II disorder (IT'S OKAY, WE CAN TALK ABOUT IT). I'll give an example of the two polar sides when they meet:

I will become SUPERWOMAN, and I'll be furiously cleaning at an unreasonably fast speed, and I'll be laughing really easily, and then I end up laughing so hard that I collapse into tears and don't leave bed for two days because I'm so depressed.

Sounds fantastic, right?

Now imagine that happening on my way to WalMart, because I'm singing along to songs, and chattering happily to myself about things that are going on, and all the sudden I get a single and tiny piece of bad news (due to a miscommunication, I swear it).

Radio's off, MIND SHUTS OFF, I get to the parking lot and have to sit in my car for ten minutes because, SOMEHOW, THIS HAS TRIGGERED A PANIC ATTACK (which, FYI, makes Normal Unicornasaurus laugh, because it's SO ABSURD).

Now let's say this piece of bad news came from the person I'm starting to actually maybe like, romantically.

PANIC ATTACK + RECENT CHANGES IN FEELINGS + MORE PANIC ATTACK + CONFUSION + FEAR OF COMMITMENT + BIPOLAR EPISODE
= EXPLOSION OF RANDOM ANGER OUT OF NOWHERE.



I feel so bad about it! I screwed up, and I know it, and the worst part is just waiting for things to start blowing over so I can maybe bake this person some cookies and try to explain why even I would not get romantically-involved with myself. Not that we're romantically-involved (I'm not going to try to explain).

Aahhh why must this crazy live within! It's never affected my job performance, it's never affected my health too much, and it VERY RARELY affects my school performance (the former statements are most of why I'm able and willing to speak so openly about all of this)...it mostly just hits relationships, and hits them hard.

]:

So right now I'm trying to jump a depression episode hurdle, and it stinks. I'm kind of a sad example of a college student, hanging out in my room and praying no one notices that I'm suddenly a freakish, reclusive version of Unicornasaurus.

So yeah, hi everyone. That's what I've been up to. Hahahahahahaha.

OH ALSO, I MADE A FORT OUT OF MY ROOMMATE'S OLD BUNK BED.

IT'S AWESOME, I WISH WE COULD HAVE NUTANG PARTIES IN IT.

Okay bye!

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