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Saturday. 1.14.12 12:06 am
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Tuesday. 1.3.12 9:53 am

Well, I'm sitting here after my dental checkup, with my best friend sleeping on the couch and some time to kill while she sleeps (rookie isn't used to staying up with me, anymore).

She probably crashed around 3am, last night. That would be pretty impressive, but I went up to sleep in my room, knowing that I would be up for a while. I ended up staying up till around...five? I've been thinking about a lot of things, in light of recent events.

Movie night was distinctively very happy and very sad, all at once. One thing I noticed that I won't take lightly is how much love I have surrounding me. I won't say any of my friends have the purest hearts, or anything crazy like that, but they're all just really cool, tender people, and I couldn't be more thankful to have each and every one of them in my life. It was nice to look around the room and see everyone comfortable--not trying to impress a crowd, just relaxing and having fun with one another. There's this blog I read, sometimes, that once had an entry about how she falls asleep on people's couches when she trusts them (she later made the analogy to falling asleep on God's couch--it was exceptionally well-written). I've caught myself, on several occasions, mentally referring to my behaviour with close friends as falling asleep on their couches.

It's terribly infectious.

The sad parts of the night aren't worth much mention. I think the saddest part that I was, at the time, aware of was...well. I had to make kind of a hard choice, and then, once I'd made it, I had the repercussions of my choice shoved right in my face.

But that's just...life. I didn't want to make the choice in the first place.

It's kind of relieving, in a way, though, because having those repercussions come to fruition really solidified the decision... You know you've made the right decision when it's worth the consequences, no matter how painful.

Anyway, le best friend is awake, now, so I'll probably say goodbye to her, run errands, have lunch with inhuman, and then hopefully have a good rest of my day...we shall see! I hope everyone had a great holiday. :D

(Okay I posted this WAY LATE, but the timestamp tells the truth.)

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Friday. 12.16.11 10:45 pm

So I'm three for three on getting a job, so long as I get to the interview stage (that is to say, so long as I'm qualified). It's time to test my might...and try to get a second job.





HE'S COMING DOWN TO VISIT ME!!!! The guy from the last entry! I'm SO EXCITED. inhuman, my friend Meagan, and my pal are driving down one day during break to spend the day in town with me on my day off!!!


My friends from high school don't visit much, mostly because I have a long-hour-demanding job and sports to worry about, ON TOP of a regular class load. Next semester, with a second job and a heavier class load (two more credit hours--I'll list my schedule later*), that's only going to work out worse.

So it's nice to have one day, this break, when they're able to come down and spend some time with me, especially since right now I have no school work to worry about. Otherwise, we'd probably visit a little more often. I love and miss my close friends...when you get to college, it takes time to meet new people and make those connections. I kind of hit the jackpot with my suitemates, because they really do suit me well, usually--one likes to cuddle and hug, which totally fulfills that need in my life to snuggle something to death, and the other likes to exercise at odd hours and talk about men. Plus, I have made some friends down here...I just wouldn't call any of them if I were, say, hospitalized.

And then there's Ryan, who is just sort of an uncategorized (Chrome wants me to change this word to "unauthorized") friend (who I kind of had a thing with, last winter, whatever). Along with a few other hometown people who I never really hung with, even when we were in high school.

Whatever, my point is, IT WILL BE SO NICE TO HAVE PEOPLE DOWN HERE. Winter break is kinda lame, aside from the occasional outing with friends in town, and I don't know many people who stayed.

Also, my suitemates left their fish to die, in the dorm (apparently this isn't terribly rare). I took them...to the house in which I'm staying. Their names: Hitler and Henry the Eighth.

I am less and less compelled to keep them alive...but then they're so helpless and stupid. So here I am, feeding them and figuring out how to keep them safe during a three-hour drive up to my parents' house, Christmas Eve. AND BACK DOWN, after Christmas!

Jeepers creepers, how am I going to keep them from tipping?


(PS yeah my mom found a stray and my friend's mom is keeping him until I get a house down here. His name is Alec Baldwin, but he did not get kicked off an American Airlines flight recently. He is the love of my life, other than my dog.)



* Calculus
Spanish Conversation

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Monday. 12.12.11 1:21 am


I was hospitalized, the other day. Dehydration, mostly. That night, when I woke up in my own bed after a car ride back and a completely-forgotten walk up to my dorm, I started feeling all the stress of my mishap and essentially went on a texting spree. No one made me feel all the way better, not even the people I'd hoped would elicit an emotional response.

So I texted someone I especially didn't want to tell. He'd taken a trip with friends, a few years ago, and I'd decided, before he left, to give him a hug and say nothing of the MRI I was scheduled for. He HATED that I didn't tell him, before he left.

I just didn't want him brooding in a corner when he was supposed to be having fun. Instead, I took to the brooding corner enough for both of us. I didn't tell him until a week later, and he gave me all the hugs I wanted, for a while, because he knew I was just stupid and scared.

So...again I get into a zone of physical danger, AND AGAIN I SAY NOTHING.


Essentially, I texted him asking if he could talk for ten minutes. Without texting back, he called me and talked to me.

Well. Kind of chastised me, actually, for the first five minutes, while I was still crying a little. He told me that I should have told him, blah blah blah, and that he would have driven down, had he known.


That's three hours, you beautiful man, you.

He played it down and made me feel like I could and should totally ask him to drive down if I need him...which...I mean, usually I would be like, Yeah yeah, really modest, you're so cool, EXCEPT YOU'RE DOING IT BECAUSE YOU KNOW I WOULD NEVER ASK SO YOU CAN FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF--

Except I know he would get in his car and drive, if I ever called him and told him I needed him.

I want to do that thing where you gently pat the side of someone's face because that's exactly how awesome that person is--TOTALLY UNINTENTIONALLY--and how much you just want to hug that person.

I can't explain how nice it was to have someone say all the right things. Nothing guarded, nothing for show, nothing selfish, nothing half-hearted. He told me he was glad I'm okay and to call, if there's ever a next time. Well. He said more than that, but nothing I'm terribly interested in sharing.

Nothing else is new, really. :] It's just nice to know that, after six years, some things never, ever change.

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