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Wednesday. 6.10.15 4:10 am
It's 8:30 and S and I are on the treadmills, working off a long day of whatever we did (she worked, I...somethinged). We're at one of the lamer chain gyms (hint: it tries to give you free pizza, on Mondays, as though we're dogs who need to receive regular treats for a good behavior), and it is PACKED, mostly full of weird guys who keep awkwardly and openly gawking at us. Ew.

This is not Love Connection, dudes.

Anyway.

I'm having a nice little jog while she walks off the elliptical round we just went through, and we're talking about the possibility of getting our boyfriends together, because, surprise, her boyfriend is a loyal member of the gym next door, and my boyfriend has been scoping that place out like he's casing the joint for a job. We're scheming about getting them to meet so that we can make our boyfriends be friends together and have cute couple outings as cute couple friends, and that's when it hits me:

Hooooly crap, who am I.

Like, add that to the ongoing list of things I never thought I would see; I'm in a happy, growing relationship, I have a gym membership that I pay for, I'm looking at buying myself a car, and I'm planning out these disgustingly cute things to do as a working adult with our other couple friends--because couple friends are great and I love the idea, damn it!

I learned how to program the coffee maker, tonight.

He and I sometimes discuss things like having an apartment together, in six months.


This probably isn't a big deal...just, I've been using a campus gym, for the past five years. I didn't know all of the factors that go into calculating a credit score until, like, January of this year (because I'd never had a credit card, before). I've been single since the 11th grade. You have to understand, this is all coming at once, and it's just...

The other night, I found myself popping open two bottles of beer and kicking back with Chinese takeout and a movie with this gorgeous, stubble-y version of the guy I had a crush on when we were eighteen, and suddenly, it hit me that he and I have a legitimate chance of ending up together that we may not have had, had we gotten together earlier in life. It just...blows me away, and it seems like he's just as confused and awestruck. Today, I found myself trotting around Home Depot with a succulent in one hand and an aloe plant in the other, because he mentioned once that he wants to start a little succulent garden with me. He says it's a symbol for our relationship, because succulents grown out of a harsh environment.

I got the aloe plant because, even though I think this is incredibly corny and disgusting, I wanted to remind him that things heal. He still beats himself up about all the lost years.

But it's more like...a shelf falling, so that, when you put it back up, you're sure to reinforce it enough.

I don't know, good things are happening.


[edit] I showed him the plants today and he didn't even know what to do with himself

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SURPRISE MOTHERLOVERS
Friday. 5.15.15 8:14 am

It was Mother's Day, recently; the title felt deeply appropriate.

I got to spend a few really awesome days with the guy, first off. One of the most rewarding feelings in the world was going strawberry picking with him, one afternoon, and then making those strawberries into a syrup to pour over our pancakes, the next morning. I don't think I've ever felt quite as generally satisfied as I did when he took a bite into our from-scratch pancakes--topped with strawberry syrup picked fresh, the day before, and whipped cream I taught him to make himself (if he ever eats the stuff from the tub or the can, again, I would be surprised)--and immediately told me how great they were. If only every morning could be strawberry pancakes outside on a warm summer morning.

HAHA OH WAIT, they can, because now he's my boyfriend and he cannot escape my love for breakfast foods and destructive over-planning habits.

Look at your hand, now look at me, NOW LOOK BACK AT YOUR HAND; THE RELATIONSHIP IS NOW DIAMONDS

I GRADUATE TOMORROW




PS how cool would it be to propose to someone with that whole, "Look at your hand, now look at me," thing?! Suggestion for those of you looking to propose to someone.

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more mush
Friday. 5.1.15 3:13 am

Oh no.

I'm disgustingly cute and functional with someone who really likes me and who I really like.

People are going to hate us both.

So, my birthday was freakin' great. I bought this lovely white summer dress and wore that and some tan and white wedges to dinner with my friend Andrew, that Friday night. He drove us both to a restaurant I really like, and I ordered soup and a salad for which he totally paid, like a good friend does. We got dessert by the coast and he paid for that, too. The dolphins were out. They knew it was my birthday.

Then, he and I sat around at my house for a while and talked while he loved on my roommate's dog, which was relaxing, but I could feel the lingering "Okay it's time for us to part" feeling. So finally I was too tired to press on...but really I cleaned a bunch, that night, and folded all the laundry I'd had going, before, BECAUSE I HAD COMPANY COMING IT WAS VERY EXCITING.

The next night around six, there was a knock on my front door, and I went trotting across the house towards the door, like a little dumb-ass pony in a field of wildflowers, or whatever, which I proceeded to whip open so I could throw my arms around the knocking perpetrator.

He was surprised, and I was surprised at myself, but it was that sort of night. We raced to get our stuff together so we could go see this movie they were putting on in a local park, so I didn't waste any time in grabbing my picnic blanket, my wallet, and my yoga sandals, and we were out the door.

We got the same thing for dinner, because only one thing sounded so good--it had Creole macaroni n' cheese, braised ribs, and kimchi, all folded up in a roti (it's flatbread)--and we just... Well, first, we carried our food to the alcohol tent, and we both got beer, and then we figured out our picnic blanket, and then we sat down and HEAVEN.

The food was out of this world, the beer was good, and just...sitting on a picnic blanket with him, on a nice day, eating great food? Totally overshadowed Andrew's gesture, sorry Andrew.

Then someone we both know came up and SAT DOWN ON THE BLANKET WITH US, EVEN THOUGH IT WAS TOTALLY OBVIOUS THAT WE WERE ON A DATE.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OBLIVIOUS!

We literally had to fold up our blanket and leave to get dessert in order to shake our third wheel. I joked that, if we were a tricycle, our pal there would have been the front wheel, LEADING the awkward situation. We were practically held hostage.

(During that time, however, I was spotted by several coworkers and my boss, which, okay, I guess I'm not hiding anything, so that's fine. Just weird. I'm used to not dating out loud.)

--I want to note, here, that I was pretty tipsy, by the time we left.

So, we went and got dessert. Or, I got dessert, which he paid for. I told him I wanted what I always got, but then I spotted this cake slice...pineapple cream cheese cake.

So, he bought two desserts, neither of which were actually intended for him. Then, because we forgot to ask for one of the desserts to be a la mode, we went to the grocery store and bought more beer and ice cream.

(Side note: "So...why wine?" "Don't...you want wine?" "Not...particularly...I'd prefer beer." "Oh thank God.")

At that point, we straight up set up camp in bed and watched movies in our pajamas, with a couple of cans of beer and some really great cake. We both found out about one another that we are, in fact, the type of people who will smear icing all over each other's faces if given even the slightest opportunity.

It's not a bad thing.

The next morning, it rained, but in the afternoon we went for tacos and a walk on the beach, which was pretty romantic until the moment he announced that he had to, and I quote, "Pee like a frickin' racehorse."

After that, we washed off our feet and went home to take a nap.

I worked on my knitting, that night, while we watched another movie and finished off the rest of the cake slice. We talked for a long time and stayed up way too late, but that was justified, since, in the morning, he had to leave. I knew that that was going to be our last time to just be around each other and talk at leisure, so I took advantage.

And the next morning, I slept while he got ready, and he came in to hug and say goodbye before leaving.

And I just...missed him, when I woke up again. There are only five days between me and seeing him again, and I feel the idiot horse trots in my feet, already.

MAN.


Anyway...classes are over. I have a couple of exams, and then I'll go hang out with this cool guy, for a few days, celebrate Mother's Day, graduate, and start my summer class. Everything is moving along so quickly, and I hardly feel ready, but I'm excited.

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sliding into 23 like water down a drain
Thursday. 4.23.15 1:31 am

Warning: This entry is unusually upbeat. If you're having a bad day, don't read my entry, because it'll probably end up annoying you.



TODAY

IS MY BIRTHDAY

yeehaw

In honor of my emergence from my mother's womb, twenty-three years ago today, I HAVE A VISITOR COMING TO SEE ME GUESS WHO IT IS IT'S MY...almost boyfriend (I'm dating a boy this time! ...It's weird)?

We're in negotiations but it's pretty much a for sure thing, at this point.

He's darling and wonderful and driving a ways just to spend the weekend with me.

In fact, I realized, today, that I'm doing okay, generally-speaking. I'm about to graduate college, I have some savings because of my second job, and I have this excellent, healthy, normal relationship forming with someone really freakin' cool...everything is kind of sorting itself out.

And yeah, that could change tomorrow, but at least I got a taste.

Graduation, by the way, is coming up. Oh gosh. I'm waiting for my class ring to come in the mail, but otherwise...I have the tickets, I've made reservations for brunch and dinner because my parents must be kept separate, much like bleach and ammonia-- Reservations for four! If everything goes according to plan (which it had better), it'll be me, my best friend, my pretty-much-boyfriend, and one parent per meal...which is nice and scary. Meeting the parents. Attending major events.

ME GRADUATING.

(If he ends up not being able to make it, the silver lining is that I can write an angst poem titled "Reservations for Four," which is still pretty cool.)

Luckily inhuman, who has not written here in forever and who also still hasn't read my message to her confessing the fact that I'm totally dating someone and it's totally serious kearjghwkjhg she's going to be taken aback and not sure how to feel--

...Ah.

Luckily inhuman is able to come to graduation and hang out a day beforehand, so we're going to hit the beach, eat, enjoy ourselves, and generally celebrate me having enough of my stuff together to, as they say, get graduated.

PLUS, I don't have classes for the next FOUR DAYS WOO HOO! THANKS, CONFERENCE IN KENTUCKY, FOR TAKING ALL MY SPANISH PROFESSORS!

I get to clean my room, get some stuff turned in early, and pick up some breakfast foods for Saturday and Sunday morning when I'll be enjoying the best weekend ever over some delicious, hopefully strawberry-topped pancakes and bacon, with my darling pumpkin pie of a man.

And then Monday, I'll turn in my final papers for one class, finish up the final paper for another, go ahead and try to complete my final for yet another...and then I'm chilling until one last scheduled exam.

AND THEN I'M CHILLING UNTIL I WALK ACROSS A STAGE AND OFFICIALLY BECOME AN ALUMNUS (other than my summer class which I had to take thanks to some stuff that went down but whatever it's online and American History...CHILLING).


So, to sum it up, when I get myself together, I really freaking get myself together.

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