So we meet again, my mind and I. We seem to have this meeting at the most twice a month; at it's longest interval (lately) about every month and a half. However, and this is how I know it's been a slow month for me, this will be the third time in just October.

We meet like this because, for some unknown reason, my mind feels overworked, exhausted and like it's overflowing. However when I give it any period of time in my day I can't seem to focus on any thought at all and it almost feels like my mind is so very full that it's empty. I don't know if that makes sense at all. Maybe I really am going crazy/ losing my mind like a good friend joked about... and if I am how did he know before me? Eh... I suppose I would be the last person to realized something like that happening.

But I'm here again. I must say that, honestly, I open up NuTang at least a couple times a day... meaning to write but feeling like my thoughts are repetitive, even within my personal/ pw entries. So I'll just close it again and either let my thoughts fester, hope to get into a conversation that'll take my mind off of it or try to get busy and find something to occupy myself. I think going from never being home before I got pregnant (in '09) between work at the studio, "work" at the hooka lounge, parties and just hanging out to being a stay at home mom for the past almost 3 years, with no car and no reasonable way to get around with Bubba when Zek's at work has begun to drive me to my breaking point. I absolutely love being a mom and wouldn't change that for anything... I just wish it didn't come with the price of being a hermit. Plus when Zek is home and we can go out it seems like we're always fighting or getting at each other. I love what I have with LegalShield... but I'm really getting to the point that I think I want a job/ to actually work again. I miss being around people all day and getting to have different conversations and building new relationships with the people I'm around.

It'd help me meet my goals (financially at least) much faster too... I just can't reason with myself to go out and make money just to turn around and spend it all on childcare that I don't even trust just so I can go out and make money... it seems like another pointless circle to me. So I stay home and know that my baby is around a loving, nurturing, safe environment instead.

I don't know I'm just trying to make sense of the different things that are going through my mind right now. I don't even know if it makes any sense. And, honestly I'm just thoughtlessly typing as it comes... not even looking at the keyboard but instead typing with my face smashed down into my mattress. And just very warily looked at the screen afraid of the nonsense I'd see typed and have now learned I've gotten much better at typing over the past few years that I'd thought.

I'm going to return to having my face smashed into my bed now and retreat to trying to make sense of the rest of my thoughts.
... plus I'm hungry... someone should bring me a burger of some sort... just no onions. Yea... a burger... that sounds good...

Buh-bye

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So I've been involved in LegalShield for six months now and it's hard to believe it's already been half a year. When I started I didn't see the big deal about the meetings... Super Saturdays were amazing but of course that's only once a month (though there was two in May)... but the weekly briefings and trainings? Yea I didn't see it.

Fast forward six months: Almost every week I've heard "If you've had a good week the briefing needs you. If you've had a bad week, you need the briefing." It's Tuesday night... the briefing starts right at 7:30pm, doors open at 7 and I'm used to being there about 6:30. Six o'clock rolls around and passes and I get a little worried... six thirty and I'm calling to find out my phone dropped the most important message of my night and I'm stranded at home on the other side of town from the briefing. Where six months ago this would've been fine to me, tonight I spent about an hour and a half sitting in the driveway, tears streaming down my face calling and texting everyone I can think of to try to find any other way that I can get there. Now two hours later I'm here... still squeezing out the few tears that are left in me, my eyes burning and all I want is a really big hug.

I've been taught

The Ten Core Commitments
start where you know you can and work on working the rest into your routine... none of this is "required"
1. Fast Start Qualify
- missed my 30 days but still working on it
2. Two Exposures A Day
- I average one a day (still some work to be done)
- Don't let your minimums be your maximums
3. Attend Your Briefing Each Week
- 52 Week Commitment
> if you miss a week you start back at week 1
4. Attend Your Training Each Week
- 52 Week Commitment
> if you miss a week you start back at week 1
5. One Long Distance Package Each Week
- Definitely need to start doing this one... even if "start" is one a month
6. Attend Your Monthly Super Saturday
- I have NEVER missed a Super Saturday event
- This month's is Sat Oct 27th <3
7. Attend Two Conventions A Year
- I went to Dallas and I'm going to OKC in April and plan on Dallas again next year if they open it to everyone again
8. Personal Development
- 10 pages a day of a good book
- 15min a day of positive audio
- association is EVERYTHING
9. Workout Partner
- I need to find someone who will push me
10. Be Here a Year From Now (and 1-9)
- Really, where else would I be that has brought on the positive changes I want in my life and that would have this kind of amazing associations
- "If you give up on your business you're not giving up on or quitting LegalShield... you're quitting life by giving up on yourself."

I want Thursday to come quick... I need my training night.

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So I think I might've figured out at least a little bit of that weird and disturbing dream I had might've been about. I made a recent-ish investment in some new piercings... something I haven't done in a while. I now have four surface anchors (or micro dermals) in my lower back; my first set I got almost three months ago and my second set I've had for almost 3 weeks now. Well on Wednesday I ended up with some "slight" concerns. I woke up and everything felt normal... spent some time outside on a business call with one of my mentors and a friend and then headed inside. After being inside for just a few minutes I felt this weird painful stinging in my back. I looked in the mirror and saw that one of my first set (the ones that are 3 months old and are healed) was very red and swollen even worse than when it was new. Over the day it only got worse and after only a few hours I went to look at it and by accident pushed a couple mm below the jewelry and all kinds of stuff came oozing out from around it... the same color as the sludge from my dream. I was really worried about it being infected but there was really no smell to the oozey puss stuff so I think it might've just been a puss pocket from being hit pretty hard Tuesday night.

But yea... it was the exact same color. So I suppose it might've been a foreshadowing of what was to come with what really has been the easiest piercings I've ever had. So in a sense I guess you were right Brittney <3

Two day's worth of salt soaks, neosporin and keeping a bandaid on it to make sure it didn't migrate and it looks a thousand times better and no longer hurts. Tomorrow I go back to my piercer so I can get his opinion on how it is now and to tell him about what Wednesday held. Plus to get a quote on the next piercing I've been thinking of.

Now to enjoy the finally cool weather with my Bubba boy!

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