I dunno why I'm here again I guess I just felt like coming back and typing. It's kinda like the keyboard is calling to me. It's fucking telling me to just type. Okay, I've figured out why it takes me so long to just type one entry..... I can't type for shit. I have like 5 million different typoes in one sentence. I can type pretty quick tho ~ but yea, I'm attacked by typo-gnomes when I type that fast. O yea ~ and I have a new poem in my writing section if you wanna check it out. I kinda jumped into one of my friends' minds and wrote what kinda my thought of what he's kinda going thru w/ me... but it kinda goes to stuff from my past too. So... yea. Okay well I'm gonna go and put that poem on my writing place.
Goodnight!

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Ever just start crying for no apparent reason? I dunno, I just feel kinda weird about it, but can't help it. And I dunno why either ~ it's just happening. And I can't stop the tears.. they just come.

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I wish I could give up too. Sorry hun (you know who you are), I'm not gonna get to read your page tonight... I'm just here to vent then go to bed. I knew that all of it would end up falling. That I'd end up just crashing eventually and now it's happened ~ and to go along with it all I'm at the bottom of the pile. The pain's building up to the point that I'm almost crushed now. I thought it'd all be good from here on out, cause I was gonna be me. But now I've discovered that instead of going off in search of myself I've just resorted back to trying to find my "mask" which I threw out the window when I figured I'd be able to find myself. Now I'm caught in middle of it all. Mostly in the middle of a rock and heartbreak. I fucking hate this whole thing. Sometimes I wish I could just go and "live" with my dad.

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I'm back and almost completely better. I'm still in sniffles and I'm caughing up all the crap from my lungs. I even made it through school today, even though my mom didn't want me to go. However more recently I feel even worse then I did over the weekend. This time it's not having a cold and an ever-rising and dropping fever. Instead, I now feel like I'm about to throw-up, worried, empatetic, and my wrist-ish area is slightly numb. (<<< and it didn't even happen to me.) I was sitting outside by the park, in the field by my house, watching the guys play football as I do almost everyday when I'm out there. I know most of the guys out there, they're there almost every day. Pretty much it was the usual: Jimmy, Jr, Alex, Kevin, Matt, and then a bunch of little kids. Well Alex was apparently trying to block the ball, and Kevin was right behind the guy that had the ball, and Kevin was blocking "stiff-arm" (as Alex called it) and his hand went right into Alex. Everyone that was around said that they heard the crack. His arm broke. All I heard/ saw was Kevin walking to were me and a couple other people were sitting, Kevin was crying, and Alex called dislocation. Then I actually saw it and almost threw up. Omg... I can see it on TV but real life is way, way, way different. I just shuddered and walked away after I gave Jr my phone to call 911. Jimmy was trying to get my mind off of it and trying to get me to block out what all the guys were saying about it so that I didn't actually puke. Once he joined into the convesation I just walked off to where Jr and some military guy from the complex were talking and just stayed there. It's so beyond nasty! It feels like my arms are numb (right by my wrists) and like every single scar on my arms in that general area is open. It hurts but then is just like a tingle at the same time. Okay, I'm gonna go. (mom just cooked Mattew's dinner and I kinda don't wanna see food right now.) <3 Monkey

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Well today was boring as ever. I was on the fucking couch all day. The only times I wasn't I was either here (at the comp), in the kitchen, in the bathroom, or once I walked outside to take something to trash. I wanna go outside tho... see if there's anyone still out there. I doubt it, it's practically 9:30, so most ppl are inside. I wish mom would come home already... she's supposed to be bringing me chicken-noodle soup. I haven't had that in forever. But I'm thinking of going to bed cause I just took NyQuil and I've been kept up all day by people entering and leaving the house. Most of the time it was Sam and Josh or Jimmy. Erik was over for a while too... I almost managed to fall asleep the first time he was over. I dunno, I just feel so comfortable around him. And when Jimmy was here he was actually keeping me awake. Yea... okay, I'm gonna go and go to sleep for a bit. Love, Monkey

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I'M BORED OUTTA MY MIND!!!!!

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