today was..... bla. I have no other way to explain it. It was fun at some points, boring at others. Pretty much the fun time was lunch & P.E. Cause in P.E. we didn't have to dress out and we got to play volleyball. I've gotten alot better at volleyball, so playing is really fun. hmmmm..... i wonder if the background thingy will work. Well, that's pretty much it..... so byez for now! Love, Monkey

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Cutting. Your depression can be found lingering on
the edge of a razor. An easilly hidden little
habbit that's often used as a subsitution for
crying. The blood is surprisingly hypnotic...


How do you deal with your depression?
brought to you by Quizilla

not anymore tho.... especially not w/ my promise to Mitch today. He had good reason behind his reason for my stopping.

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I'm not sure which I should do... but I'm doing my best to keep a smile becasue we are friends(Steph and me). And as I watch from a far I wanna be w/ her even more.... when we're hanging out, I feel like she owns my heart & my mind. And yea... Steph gave me another note today. Basically saying that she's sry & that she didn't want to hurt me. She also said she did it cause she thought it was the best thing & she wants me to be happy. oOoOo... I like this song. Breathe No More from Evanescence's new cd. I've gotta get this cd.
I think I'm kinda going insane for my emotions right now.... cause I cry over even the littlest things and I have no idea why. Maybe it's cause along w/ what's going on right now the past and everything I miss is slowly creeping up on me too. I dunno.... I talked to Mr. Cooper about it the other day and kinda gathered myself a bit. But last night I just fell apart again, so I guess it was kinda useless. All in all I am losing control of myself slowly... and I don't kno how to regain it either. I hate this soooo fucking much. I'm putting a poem thingy on my gallery that I think is really sweet.... and a funni quote thingy too. So check em out if ya want. The poem thing fits how I've felt lately, and the quote just made me laugh. Well, I'm gonna go for tonight... I'm glad I got time to put a desently long entry on here for once. Goodnight *hugs* Love, Monkey

and nvm about the poem thingy.... it won't show up big enough to be readable. The quote thing is there tho

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GR! This is all I need right now. Now Joe's goin on about five million different things and is threatening me. I HATE THIS!!! Y is most everything negative in this house aimed at me?
<- to Steph
Ok... diff note, so I can get my mind off it. I GOT SUM1 TO SIGN UP ON HERE!!! Well, actually this is my second person that I got on nutang. I feel so proud of me.
Well, I've gotta get fo rthe night. Love.... Monkey

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Yea... life really sux! I guess u could say my life's falling apart slowly... yet ever so quick. Today at lunch Luis gave me a note from Steph -> she's been thinking of breaking up w/ me for a while now... but only now did I get the note. My dream was right. Every time I really have major feelings for some one they hurt me. Maybe I should just give up... no more relationships = no more heartbreak. I have a really strong feeling that I'm gonna end up crying myself to sleep tonight cause of this. Luis feels bad, and not too long ago he called to make sure I was ok. I was on the phone w/ Eric for a while, but I got off cause I wanted to come on here. (listen to sad music & poor my heart out in here as usual.) On a bit more of a happy-ish note I found out today after school that Seth likes me. I was hugging him & some chick asked him if we were going out-> he said no, then told me what she'd asked and said he wouldn't mind it... but no we aren't. And I'm really lost now too; what do u do when some one u trust w/ eveything and consider ur best friend tells u that they're falling in love w/ u? Not just that they like u... but love. I've gotta go... my half hours about up. I'll return tomorrow. Nite all -> *hugs* Love Monkey

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mood: really quiet.... and sad
listening to: Kelly Clarkson's cd -> Breakaway

GRRR!!! I don't kno what's happening to me lately. I feel like everything's gone wrong... and there's nothing that can happen that'll make it all better. Ever heard the saying "your just putting salt on a fresh wound"??? Well, I think that's what's goin on w/ me. By crying about all this stuff it's not helping me out any -> in a way it's just making it worse. Like crying cause I miss Justin so much is just making me miss him and wanna be back w/ him even more. And thanx for the comments on my poem.... I'm still working on it, not quite sure what it's leading to either. I always knew looking back at most of the tears would make me laugh. But I didn't know that looking back at the laughs would make me cry. And that's what I've been doing, looking back/ remembering all the fun times and all the times we just went insane... and I've just been sitting crying my ass off about all of it. I'm gonna be getting my film, that I was using durring All-County, developed soon... then I'm gonna die. Each picture is gonna bring back so much-> especially when we were at Kissimmee Middle for the all day rehersal. I remember we were all joking around, Jesus didn't want us to take any pictures of him and I kept catching him off gaurd, and that was the day I met Daniel. Then there was the ever-famous Phillip and "Mr. Pokey" LoL. I miss it all so much, and I'd do it all over in a heartbeat. I'm really glad that mom told me that we'll probably be going down to Florida to visit durring the summer -> so I have something to look forward to. (and when we get there I'll choose my friends over any amusement place in less then a millisecond.) I don't wanna go to school tomorrow, cause I'm afraid that I'm gonna end up breaking out into tears just outta no where. But at the same time I kno that I can go to Seth (if he's there) or Mr. Cooper about what's been going on lately. And I might just hunt down Steven at lunch and say hi just fo the Hell of it. Just to bug him-> but not like I used to go to Justin's house after school to "bug" him. GR! Some one find Justin and tell him I love him... even tho I never told him so, I still love him. (ashley, u go to school w/ him... can u find him and tell him!? PLZ???) I'm gonna go for the night.... do my laundry and get ready for bed. Goodnight all, I u. and *hugs* to my family (u all kno who ur). Love ALWAYS, Monkey

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