I've added on more to my story just recently. If you wish to view it go to my "reading room" and click on The Thorned Rose. That is all, I just wished to advertise myself. <3 Monkey

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mood: sad / very emotional
listening to: lotz of different sad songs

Its been so long since i've actually cried, that now that I want to they won't come. Its like I've held them back for so long that now they don't wanna come. Talking to Ash about relationships... moreso about Justin and what all went on right b4 I left, right now all I wanna do is cry. I did the dumb thing and listened to I Miss You and remembered the day b4 I left I'd listened to it & i was pacing around my driveway (cause that was the only place I could cry w/o my parents getting mad at me) and then like 10 min later Justin came over & I just cried. Iwas so stupid to never say anything... and to act like I hated him, and in the end it all came back to me and kicked me in the ass. I wanted to run, so I could stay in Fla forever, but I was afraid that if I ever wanted to see my mom again that I wouldn't be able to find her. I just wanna rewind time and live that year and a half all over. Only I wouldn't go back just to change it to how it should've been... I'd do all of it the same way-> I'd do it all exactly the same way, because that's what I remember and that's what I loved & had so much fun doin. And that's what I miss... I miss how things were, not how they should've been. I'd do it mostly for my friends. OMG I miss u all sooooo much. And I love u all too. U cared about me, u're my family, and ur the reason I'm still alive. The ppl I kno out here haven't really done anything for me... u actually saved my life. U all didn't just think I should get help, you made me get help. And I'm thankful for it, no matter how much I complained I'm thankful. I shall end now. I don't want to just keep repeating myself over and over again. Love, Monkey

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It's hard to belive that it's Tuesday. Everything's goin really slow since there's no school. It's had to tell what day it is & it's hard to determine the time too. I'm usually good w/ the whole thing of guessing the time, but not anymore.

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mood: bored/tired
listening to: JZ/LP (Collision Course)

Ya kno what really sux? I've been on the computer so much lately that I don' even kno what to do. It's 2 am and I'm freakishly bored listening to the jz/lp cd. It's actually pretty good. ('nd it's funni listening to them mix songs w/ the music.) I'm hungry... but thennagain what else is new? (lol) I'm always hungry... but right now there's like nothing to eat. This is a major suprise to me. Ya kno how sumtimes when u think about something sumtimes you associate it w/ a smell? Well that's what I do alot of times... mainly w/ one person: CJ. Iono y, but I've been thinking about him alot lately... I don't really hate him anymore (or at least it doesn't feel like I do). Actually it's almost like i miss him. I kno he hurt me really bad and all... but I'm seriously begining to miss him again. Just sitting here at the computer the past few nights I've realized that a faintly familliar scent cames across.... cigarettes mixed w/ a really nice cologn. Yea, that was his smell. Maybe it's cause I've been listening to Linkin Park while I'm online. We used to walk around the neighborhoods & he'd have his cd player and we'd be listening to Linkin Park... Hybrid Theory or Reanimation. I guess that the whole missing him thing is also y i still can't listen to Crossroads (Bone Thugs 'n Harmony) w/o crying. I remember the day I went over to his house and he led me into his living room and put that cd in his sterio on Crossroads and said that he was listening to the cd the night b4 and when that song came on he thought of me and really wanted to be w/ me but couldn't cause it was so late. {that was b4 I started going out @ night} Does all this mean that I still have pretty strong feelings for him? I'm fucking confused about it all.... u would've never guessed would u? <- sarcasm. Am i the only person that's gone thru this? I mean... this is way more then just mixed feelings and major confusion. I'd describe it as worse then major confusion, back-fired feelings/ thoughts, and me being completely clueless and even scared about it. What if I go to Fla to visit and he's back there and we run into eachother? Last i heard he was back in florida I told Sean, Abe, Jonathan, and all of then to tell him that if he came around me he best watch himself... and if he tried anything on me that I'd kill him. That whole month I never left my front yard w/o my knife. Yes... I even brought it to school most of the month. (but not the whole month cause I was afraid of getting caught.) Maybe I'm just getting mixed up w/ all that's going on. I'm not sure, but I actually do really care if I do still care about him... I mean-> it's not like there's a 90% chance that I'm ever gonna see him again, and if I do who says we'll recognize eachother... right? I think I've dragged on about my confusion and lost feelings long enough. I'll end now for your sake -> ur probably about to fall asleep... if not then I'm actually kinda suprised. Goodnight.... ok, well goodmorning since it's 2:30. <3 Monkey

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B:

Your Beauty lies
in Plain Sight. Plain, simple and the girl next
door. People tend overlook you as you are the
"normal girl", but you're actually
very beautiful. And you have plenty about you to
set you apart, but more that
lets you blend. People love the stability you have
because as others may come
and go, you will always be there and you may always
be the same. You like simple
things and that's what people like about you. You
most likely enjoy things most
consider normal, like movies, shopping, that sort
of thing and are very friendly
and probably have many friends. You are sweet and
kind and that shows on you,
but you're also strong and not very naive. You're a
rather well-rounded
individual. Even though some people pass you off as
just another girl, shrug it
off because they don't know what they're
missing.

Some Things
That Represent You:

Element:
Earth, Light Animal: Cat Color:
Pinks, Blues, Browns Song:
Girl Next Door by Pilot Expression: Simple
Smile

Gemstone:
Alexandrite Mythological Creature: Fox
Demon, Hobbit Planet: Jupiter Hair
Color: Light Brown Eye Color:
Brown

Quote:
"To the world you may be one person, but to
one person you may be the world."

Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::..
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You are an angel!
Positive-
You are sweet, kind, and gentle.
Negative-
You are sensitive and can be hurt easily.


What is your inner magical being??? lots of results and all that good stuff!!!!!
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