Ah, such boredom the weekend does hold. There's nothing on right now, so for the next 15 minutes I'm watching Harry Potter #2. Last night I got really bored, and I managed to come up w/ a poem. ^.^ Hope ya like. (it's kinda sorta a bit long.... jus' ta let ya kno)


Emotionless
The tears swell deep
Deep within
My hidden heart
Lost among many memories
Of a past of fun
Friends and foes
I seek for a way
To escape this dream
The nightmare
Of which is 'now'
Refusing to let go
Denying it is gone
And now here I lie
Emotionless
Yet sorrow filled
From my heart
Hidden deep
You have pried
Picked and pulled
'Til from me flows
A dark crimson stream
My broken heart
And now lost dreams
For my heart now
Is swollen and wronged
The torture
This Hell
All breathing down
Upon my body
As emotionless
Here I lie
Tears bleed
Deep within
Puddle to lake
Stream to river
The flow gets thicker
Deeper and wide
This crimson flow
You have caused from me
It shalln't cease
And I
Still broken and lost
Remain within
As the tears gather
Never leaving my eyes
I lie here
Staring at the ceiling
Listening
The clock ticks off time
My eyes burn
I burry my heard deeper
Never to be found
I deny it all happening
No!
It's not true
Never did I leave
But again
The nightmare comes
A growing terror
This 'truth' hovers
So high it swells
My emotions
Deep within
Out of my reach
And if this wave
Shall, so brutally hit
A wave of furry and fear
My heart sinks
As do the tears
Emotionless
Yet sorrow filled
Here I lie
As you come for me
I run and hide
For fear of what you'll say
And this price
Of which I know I must pay
I refuse to let go
And with that thought
My emotions die
No longer lost
Yet never to be found
No fear
Nor furry
The escape
Gone
No more sorrow
Or memories
Thought never meant to be lost
And so
Emotionless
Here I lie
Staring at my ceiling
Thinking of you
Apologizing
For allowing myself to live
In this nightmare
Emotionless

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After how much fun yesterday was today's a real fucking hell. I'm bored outta my mind and I've got nothing to do. However yesterday... -smiles-... yea, yesterday was really wow. Got to school a bit l8r then i usually do, but that didn't stop me n Chris joking around. The we walked to 1st hour (2nd period) together. O, and just so i don't confuse anybody... yesterday was block schedule for 2nd,4th, and 6th period. After class we met up in the hall and when i hugged him he was like "Do I kno this beautiful person?" lol i kno he's joking around about not knowing me when he asks that... he can always get me to smile. We walked to 4th period together and said that we'd see eachother @ lunch. Durring Algebra (4th period) I had to go to the bathroom, so i asked the sub, and went. On my way back guess who I saw coming up the stairs... yep Chris. He didn't notice me till I said something. "Baby we gotta stop meeting like this." I was just joking around cause this had happened on tuesday too, only he was going to the library. He was gonna walk me to my class and go around the hall to his, but Dr. Gonzalas |the principal| was down my hall. So we just turned and moved outta his sight over by the lockers. I think that's the first time I've really risked getting in trouble that much @ school. Making out by the lockers, just around the corner from the deans office, the principal just inside, and right by a camera. Lunch was just as fun... and I found out that Temika approves of Chris. -claps- yay! She saw us walking to lunch. But now i get to lay around doing absolutly nothing and being bored outta my mind for 4 days -pouts-. It's not fair!!! Well, i'm gonna go. I'm thinking of calling him. <3 Monkey

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YAY!!! Chris is so cuddly. (lol) Not really how a lot of guys wanna be described... but it's true. Lunch was weird, but since i'm almost outta time i'm gonna go & i'll xplain tomorrow. I wanna talk for a while. <3 Monkey
AND... my new AIM is: stikkie note

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YES! Today was fun. (and Ash... Gir is a character from Invader Zim) I got to see all my friends, and i walked to school w/ Kitty (Jen) again. When we got to school I was happy to see/hear Chris calling after me & walking w/ Erik. It's nice to wake up w/ a kiss... cause I'm never really awake until I get to school. However, tho he's alive Erik did attempt over the weekend -tear-. He said he'd been to the hospital ~> he lost too much blood. (he took in 2 bags) I feel really bad now, I freaked out and almost started crying over it durring Biology *second period* and Mr. Cooper sent me to the counselor. She told me she can't do anything about it... cause I don't know his last name or any of his schedule. DAMNIT! Erik just doesn't understand... yea, i might not wanna be in a relationship w/ him; but that doesn't mean I don't care about him at all. Right? Well I've tried telling him that, obviously he didn't understand. O yea, and my let-out... the whole me & Alex thing, I'm actually Alexa. I just wanted to be able to write whatever w/o certain ppl knowing so I created Alexa. The private entry that's in, I think, my second page on dkzmonkey gives it all away... the password is midnightmonkey. I don't know what else to put but: Erik if you're reading this know that I do care about you, and that I do love you. Maybe not the same as you love me, but love all the same. For you to go I'd be depressed beyond all reason, even the thought of it upsets me. Going to sleep not sure if you'll be alive the next day when I wake up, or when I get to school brings me to crying myself to sleep. I know that a lot of people have told me not to worry, that you won't go that far... but I won't underestimate you. Piercing deep into my heart is the pain of knowing that I really did ruin your life, and that you have come very close to your target; death. I just hope you do read this, cause I don't really have any way of getting through to you anymore... so I hope you read this and you understand that all of it is true.

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Yeah, another boring-as-hell weekend entry. I haven't done anything today xcept my homework, and right now i'm talking to Mike, Bryi, and Justin. The special thing about this weekend enrty is... GIR!!! He's the most awesomest cartoon character ever! Well at least one of the most awesomest. Today is a bad day for me, I gotz some sort of a stomache flu thing... and i feel like i'm about to puke . I really hope I get better by 2morrow, cause i don't wanna stay home. I wanna see Chris and Steph and everyone else... I also wanna make sure Erik's still alive, all the stuff he said Friday after school I'm really worried . Well I'm gonna go & look around some websitez a bit b4 I've gotz ta get off. <3 Monkey ((hugs)) ......... o yea! I have just one last thought/question-ish thing for all of the guys that might be reading this ~> and now a question for everyone/anyone who's reading this ~>

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