mood: bored/tired
listening to: JZ/LP (Collision Course)

Ya kno what really sux? I've been on the computer so much lately that I don' even kno what to do. It's 2 am and I'm freakishly bored listening to the jz/lp cd. It's actually pretty good. ('nd it's funni listening to them mix songs w/ the music.) I'm hungry... but thennagain what else is new? (lol) I'm always hungry... but right now there's like nothing to eat. This is a major suprise to me. Ya kno how sumtimes when u think about something sumtimes you associate it w/ a smell? Well that's what I do alot of times... mainly w/ one person: CJ. Iono y, but I've been thinking about him alot lately... I don't really hate him anymore (or at least it doesn't feel like I do). Actually it's almost like i miss him. I kno he hurt me really bad and all... but I'm seriously begining to miss him again. Just sitting here at the computer the past few nights I've realized that a faintly familliar scent cames across.... cigarettes mixed w/ a really nice cologn. Yea, that was his smell. Maybe it's cause I've been listening to Linkin Park while I'm online. We used to walk around the neighborhoods & he'd have his cd player and we'd be listening to Linkin Park... Hybrid Theory or Reanimation. I guess that the whole missing him thing is also y i still can't listen to Crossroads (Bone Thugs 'n Harmony) w/o crying. I remember the day I went over to his house and he led me into his living room and put that cd in his sterio on Crossroads and said that he was listening to the cd the night b4 and when that song came on he thought of me and really wanted to be w/ me but couldn't cause it was so late. {that was b4 I started going out @ night} Does all this mean that I still have pretty strong feelings for him? I'm fucking confused about it all.... u would've never guessed would u? <- sarcasm. Am i the only person that's gone thru this? I mean... this is way more then just mixed feelings and major confusion. I'd describe it as worse then major confusion, back-fired feelings/ thoughts, and me being completely clueless and even scared about it. What if I go to Fla to visit and he's back there and we run into eachother? Last i heard he was back in florida I told Sean, Abe, Jonathan, and all of then to tell him that if he came around me he best watch himself... and if he tried anything on me that I'd kill him. That whole month I never left my front yard w/o my knife. Yes... I even brought it to school most of the month. (but not the whole month cause I was afraid of getting caught.) Maybe I'm just getting mixed up w/ all that's going on. I'm not sure, but I actually do really care if I do still care about him... I mean-> it's not like there's a 90% chance that I'm ever gonna see him again, and if I do who says we'll recognize eachother... right? I think I've dragged on about my confusion and lost feelings long enough. I'll end now for your sake -> ur probably about to fall asleep... if not then I'm actually kinda suprised. Goodnight.... ok, well goodmorning since it's 2:30. <3 Monkey

i feel similar. this whole thing with that guy has been on my mind, yesterday everything changed and i feel confused.. and yet happy?
» Broken_Inside on 2004-12-22 07:59:44

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