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On the topics of turkey and urine:
Sunday. 11.25.12 9:53 pm
odi et amo quare id faciam fortasse requiris
nescio sed fieri sentio et excrucior

You know, Latin love poems really aren't the best way to say "We're just friends who share romantic feelings."

Anyway, hello, friends!

Thanksgiving was good, my break was long. It felt shorter than it was, because we did absolutely nothing, most of the time. I had a lot of plans with friends, but they were in bursts, and nothing was really awesome except for getting to see my best friend for a couple hours. I talked too much and bothered myself; I'm not sure why I get so chatty around her, lately; it might be because we haven't written one another in a year or so.

Or it might just be because my love life is in a constant state of confusion. If you haven't noticed.

Anyway, it was nice to see her and EAT SOME SALAD! As wonderful it is that my mum thinks of me, she always buys all junk food and carbs, because I guess she's still going off what I liked to eat when I was ten (AKA the chubby days). I crave fruits and vegetables like a fiend, after visiting home for a week. Blegh. To Harris Teeter, for some kale! Huzzah!

Last but not least, I ran out to my car to get some pajamas, and our puppy thought I'd left. I came back inside without him realizing and changed in the bathroom, then went to find him and playfully approached him a couple of times, like usual.

He peed himself in fear. He had no idea who I was.

I didn't even mind cleaning up that urine. It was worth it.

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Friday. 11.9.12 10:47 pm

Same old same old.

I just told my friend to come over any time she wanted for wine and ranting, so I'm officially becoming that person I was reluctant to become...

I'm social in that feminine, Sex and the City type of way.

And sometimes I'm a social drinker.


Anyway, it's not bad. I like that most of my closest friends, now, drink occasionally but that, when someone tries to turn a really nice hangout into some, Let's Get Drunk and Not Talk About Politics and Other Important Things Anymore occasion, everyone gets really quiet and awkward because they hate the idea that much.

I want to squeeze them all. Ugh. It's so refreshing to be around people who can face the world head-on, no matter how stressful classes are, no matter how poor they are (and I know students on food stamps and scholarships, so they're seriously heroes in my book), no matter how many family issues they have at the time. None of this Party My Sorrows Away crap. That isn't healthy, man.

--In short, it's nice when people value academic discourse over drinking.

Otherwise. Uh. OH. Well, there's this guy I started talking to, recently, and I gave him my number so he didn't have to keep awkwardly Facebook messaging me while I'm on hiatus. So he starts texting, all normal, but then he told me I should let him train me at the gym, sometime...? And I kind of brushed it off like, "I'm already hitting my goals. :]" OR SOMETHING TO THAT EXTENT, and he texts, "You could have just said no."


...Okay... I let it slide, SORT OF, but kind of gave him the general Back Off signal, because obviously he didn't ask our mutual friend about my temperament before adding me on Facebook, and it wasn't his fault--BUT, I do have a reputation for not being the kindest being with whom one could pick a fight.

In any case, it was let go, and we continued with oddly polite conversation for several more texts, until I had a meeting and had nothing left to say, anyway. It was a good, natural progression of conversation.

But then today, I saw him on campus, and he said, "Thanks for texting me back, yesterday..."



Seriously, dude?

I'm sorry--you thought that we were going to have a lengthy conversation about your summer job? I'M A BUSY WOMAN.



So anyway, yes, hopefully he will learn from this experience, and maybe ask our mutual friend (who knows me better) what I'm like, before proceeding. Any of my friends could tell him that my tact and willingness to put up with someone is inversely proportional to the sensitivity and controlling tendencies of that person, and that I will not take it lightly, if someone starts acting like they're entitled to my attention, affection, friendship, forgiveness, or time--especially after only a week, COME ON.


Who ENJOYS being treated like that?!

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one anecdote and I'm out
Wednesday. 10.31.12 10:12 pm

One time, this summer, a few of us were waiting to perform various jobs in the upstairs presentation room in the student center during a big clusterfrack of campus life presentations. Everything was going fine, and the woman with Student Life got up on stage to play the getting involved video, which is a bunch of videos and photos of students...getting involved...to this song:

Apparently something went wrong with the sound system, though, so we all had to sit there and pretend nothing was wrong while we listened to what the radio was playing, which was, for some reason, this:

I can't even explain how moving that student life video was.

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Thursday. 10.25.12 2:55 am
I used to pride myself on being a confidant, back when I was still in high school. I didn't really have feelings, back then. I would support people, or tell them what they needed someone to tell them, or tell them what everyone was too scared to tell them--whatever the case, I was good at it, but it wasn't because I felt anything towards their stories. I just knew what to say. I was decisive and a good listener. That pleased me.

Somewhere along the way, I started to feel like I'd lost that vibe, because people stopped automatically coming to me. Maybe it was that we'd known one another too long and they didn't need my advice, maybe it was that it became so routine that I didn't notice it anymore, I don't know. I was scared that it was because I became more empathetic. I thought that, maybe, it was useful to be fully impartial, emotionally, and that this changed how often people would approach me.

But now I'm at college, and people are coming to me, and some of it is really heavy. It's still the same protocol--I take secrets more seriously than anyone I know--but...man. Takes you back to that comical truth that most therapists have therapists. After listening to the things people have to go through, all day, every day, it consumes you.

I'm thankful to my friends (and, lately, the complete (yes, sober) strangers), who rely on me to keep their secrets, don't get me wrong. Sometimes, though, I get so frustrated, because I don't know what else I can do for them. When is it going to be in my power to cure the disease rather than treat the symptoms, you know?

A lot of them cry, too. Which is fine, and understandable, and I'm not shaming that in any way, shape, or form, because people cry, and it's fine. Get it out. Crying is acceptable. I accept them. Shut up.

But crying makes me cry. One time, I watched Up with friends, and I was TOTALLY FINE, until I heard sniffing. And someone laughed about everyone crying--WHILE CRYING--and then people started talking and backlashing, and it was in that sad voice where you're still crying and all mucusy and whiny, so NATURALLY, my eyes start watering and I'm begging everyone to shut up and stop crying because hearing them cry makes me so sad AND GUESS WHAT THINKING ABOUT THAT TIME IS ALSO MAKING ME CRY.


It was never like this, when I was younger. No one saw me cry, between the ages of probably ten and eighteen. It was so good.

Then I stopped being a rampant sociopath and it all went to hell.

I guess my point is that I cried all the way to Walmart, tonight, because one of my friends is just...in the worst of situations. I don't know what to do, what sort of small kindness to bestow on her to make her day a little lighter. I feel like there's more to do than be an active listener. Listening is good, but...listening PLUS doing something kind is better.

Oh, and I'm writing my final paper on Doctor Who for my academic writing class, and I proposed the idea to my professor and her mind just exploded. First thing she said when I got to our one-on-one conference was, "Where is your annotated bibliography...I was just using it as an example because it was so good..."


I had four papers and two tests within a three day period, and it was just...

And all I really did was go to the library more and stop using Facebook. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


Speaking of things coming through, I thought I had a popcorn kernel stuck to my gum, so I tongued it, but then it didn't come out, so I rubbed it with my finger, AND IT'S MY WISDOM TOOTH CROWNING.



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