I am here to insist otherwise.


FIVE DAYS LATER, at TWO FORTY-FIVE IN THE MORNING, I realize he was trying to set up plans to watch a movie together.

STEP ASIDE, OSMIUM, for I am now the densest naturally-occurring element known to man.

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"[Unicornsaurus]... Will you go on a date with me."

"...Sure?"

"SHE SAID SURE! SHEEE SAAAID SUUUURE."

Not NuTang Steve and I have been friends for a few years, but that still isn't long enough, apparently, for me to tell the difference between him being serious or not. Are we going on a date, May 9th? No idea. Is it a real date, or just a friend outing that he's being silly about? Not sure. Does he even know whether it's a date or not? Super not sure.

Let me note that this whole thing was prefaced by him talking (joking?) about how we need a pact to get married, if we're not married by a certain point in our lives. He told me, to explain the date, that we need to go on at least one before getting married. I'm sure you can see why all of this has me confused but in an unconcerned sort of way.

So it's all kind of hilariously, awkwardly ambiguous.

...Shrug.

Either way, I guess I'll be ready to don a sun dress and eat some pizza, come May 9th.

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