Last year, I realized that I always could get free ice cream at places on my birthday.

I wanted to make fake IDs, so I could go and get free ice cream whenever.

Then I thought, what if there are more people who give out free food on your birthday?

I found this page, a listing of places that give out food on your birthday.

I'm going to see how much ice cream I can get, I can get a free combo meal at taco bell, apparently... but I dont' know how I feel about that.

It would be insane to have fake IDs for free food, instead of for alcohol, porn, and cigarettes.

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On the first day of spring break my boyfriend gave to me
a dildo shoved in my ass.

On the second day of spring break my boyfriend gave to me
two fake boobs and
a dildo shoved in my ass

On the third day of spring break my boyfriend gave to me
three aborted fetuses
two fake boobs and
a dildo shoved in my ass

On the fourth day of spring break my boyfriend gave to me
four types of crabs
three aborted fetuses
two fake boobs and
a dildo shoved in my ass

On the fifth day of spring break my boyfriend gave to me
FIVE S. T. D. s!
four types of crabs
three aborted fetuses
two fake boobs and
a dildo shoved in my ass

On the sixth day of spring break my boyfriend gave to me
six shots of vodka
FIVE S. T. D. s!
four types of crabs
three aborted fetuses
two fake boobs and
a dildo shoved in my ass

On the seventh day of spring break my boyfriend gave to me
seven drunken frat girls
six shots of vodka
FIVE S. T. D. s!
four types of crabs
three aborted fetuses
two fake boobs and
a dildo shoved in my ass

On the eight day of spring break my boyfriend gave to me
eight drunken frat boys
seven drunken frat girls
six shots of vodka
FIVE S. T. D. s!
four types of crabs
three aborted fetuses
two fake boobs and
a dildo shoved in my ass


Yes... that's the end of our song.

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So, I planned a shindig for my birthday. It was tonight, at the local Mexican restaurant, because I'd been wanting food from there.

I call ahead, to see if I can make a reservation. 15 people, might be nice to call ahead, you know?

They say they don't take reserves, and today is Cinco De Mayo. Ok, I'll keep that in mind and get there earlier.

We get there, and are waiting for some people, and so we call in to ask if we can have someone come out and get us when there's a table ready for 15, because we don't want to block up the inside waiting.

They tell us 20 minutes.

30 minutes later, we call again, and they're all "yes, blahblahblah, don't know how long".

We figure, perhaps they think we're drunk prank callers, so we go inside to tell someone that we called about a group of fifteen, and wanted to verify our presence.

Whilst we're waiting for someone, a group of equal, if not larger size, that arrived later than us is seated.

I try to talk to someone, and they walk away while I'm talking to them.

Sure, they were seriously busy. I understand that. But damn, is it really that hard to say "oh crap, this group of 15 has been here for quite a while, perhaps we should work on getting them seated"? or something like that? How hard is it to listen to someone explain what's going on without walking away? I wasn't explaining anything complex.

We left, and went to a restaurant across the street, and had a swell time. We were seated as soon as we got there, and the service was quite nice.

The shindig turned out to be quite fun after all.

Taylor bought me a drink, and Debi and Dani got me a Mini Robosapien V2 and a Roboreptile. I don't remember who got me which one, but they're cool.

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I didn't want a celebration, I just wanted to bring cupcakes to class.

Now I feel... loserly.

If only I could think of a ... polite way to tell her "I really just wanted to make cupcakes... no mini-shindig"

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Today, I picked up a copy of the fishwrap, aka the Collegiate Times. It had a copy of a booklet being handed out by the Scientologists, "The Way to Happiness - A Common Sense Guide to Better Living." I'm curious as to if it were allowed by EMCVT, or if the Scientologists were silly enough to stalk all of the CT boxes and slip them in all of the papers.

I think they did it legally, because there isn't *any* religious stuff in here... just a "moral code"/"how to be happy" thing. No mention of Xenu, Christ, Thetans, Buddha, Shiva, Ra, or other religious beings.

Anyway, the back of the booklet says:
"This is the first nonreligious moral code based wholly on common sense. It was written by L. Ron Hubbard as an individual work and is not part of any religious doctrine. Any reprinting or individual distribution of it does not infer connection with or sponsorship of any religious organization. It is therefore admissible for government departments and employees to distribute it as a nonreligious activity. (Reprinting can be arranged with The Way to Happiness Foundation International.)"

It says right there, "nonreligious". But knowing that I've seen the Scientologists handing them out....

It doesn't help that they seem to be seriously picking and choosing their words so there aren't any loopholes or anything.

It kinda reminds me of something Thweatt would do, in the way it is written.

They go on to define words, with the footnote:

"Words sometimes have several different meanings. The footnote definitions given in this book only give the meaning of the word as it is used in the text. If you find any words in this book you do not know, look them up in a good dictionary. If you do not, then misunderstandings and possible arguments can arise."

Cute.

I'm going to set to reading this booklet, I will post thoughts on each chapter.

This is going to be fun.

The introduction says I'm supposed to pass it on to people that I want to survive. Reading it increases survival potential.

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It seems that the church Dave is renting his room through likes having yard sales two days before my birthday. Last year I got wine glasses, fuzzy wine socks, and a cantaloupe magnet.

This year, I got a 9 dollar Burt's Bees hand care kit for .50, and 6 books, one of which is called Hitler's Children. It seems interesting.

But, the winning book? 2,001 Things to Do Before You Die.

It's got a checklist, and whoever is selling the book has checked off things.
What have they checked off?

- Catch a foul ball at a pro baseball game
- Have mutliple orgasms
- Pay for the next car at the toll booth
- Flirt
- Crush a beer can with one hand
- Be able to explain Einstein's theory of relativity
- Suddenly decide on and leave for a trip
- Stay in bed all day
- Do something scandalous
- Approach a stranger and ask him/her out
- Have a tremendous, rollicking, soaking wet, water pistol fight
- Wear a scarlet A and see what happens
- Say things like "eureka," "hallelujah,", and "balderdash."

Ok, now I'm bored.

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