So our realtor-lady invited us up to the condos on the lake that she manages/rents/owns/????? I'm trying to figure that out.

It was super-nice. Our condo had skylights and it was open and had a great view of the lake and the stars. We bought some cheap sangria and sipped it on the balcony while schmoodling and looking at things.

We got to go on her husband(?)/the owner of the area's boat. I say ? along with manage/rent/own/??? as she spoke like they were married, not divorced, and that he owned the realty company/condo property. Maybe it was a "I get to spend all day/night/etc with him, I'm gonna talk to the people I invited to be boated around." sort of thing.

Whatever, the boat ride was fun. We waved at people who were fishing, but they didn't really wave back. She spent some time talking about how the island she got married on is kind of a small tree on a piece of sand now, and how people like to get married around here and there and over there and ... Yeah. Maybe she was trying to implant an idea or something. :/

We got to sit on the top of the boat, it was much better than standing around the deck-area, you could see all around. There was also a set of controls on top of the boat, so whenever the boat was moved inside, the controls on top would move. Being the small children that we are, Dave and I were quite amused.

There was a mini-poodle on the boat, Hotrod fka Snowy. It was an awesome mini-poodle.

I mentioned my raft that I had when I was younger, and how I might be able to use it, but I might have to drop 5lbs to guarantee that I won't sink it, as the weight limit is 130. Dave took this to mean whatever, and now he seems worried that I'm not going to eat or something. Blah, I eat plenty. More than plenty, even.

Speaking of plenty, there were plenty of deer and cows on the way in, thankfully the deer weren't terribly stupid.

We forgot to take our trash, I feel kinda bad. I'm not sure how I should approach that. Please send our regards to the cleaning staff; We forgot to take our trash. ?

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I am considered unhealthy and abnormal.

Why?

"Guys' testicles have a size range that is analogous to women's breasts -- anything from AA to DDD is considered healthy and normal."

It may be TMI, but I am certainly DDD+. I can wear a DDD and be normal/healthy, if I go up in the band size...

:(

I guess I'll go die now or something.

Continued critiquing of this magazine.

There's a feature entitled "16,000 Women Tell Their Body Confidence Secrets".

Well here's mine.

Don't fucking listen to Glamour. They will tell you are unhealthy and abnormal.

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Some person left their 20 dollars and change in the u-scan machine.

I turned it into customer service, they looked at me like I was crazy.

I figure if someone left it, they will probably be looking for it later.

I need to continue my going ons about the crazy weddingalog I picked up from the mailbox.

I also need to go check mail today.

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as too much meat will be pressing on them.

So sayeth the spam. I wonder what sort of meat it is I am going to be stealing. I guess a good side of beef would work.

Anyway. I started thumbing through creepy wedding catalog, and found the following things to be worthy of commentary:

There are stigging Save the Date magnets in this catalog.

Right. I would not send those.

Oooh!

Beer coozies!
So you, your now husband, your best man, and maid of honor can get COMPLETELY trashed... and no one will know.

Or I guess you could do it in public.

This one is a generic boring one.

This one is cute.

Two Hearts One love... two toilets. >.>

Tissues. That's right, you had BETTER be crying at my wedding. I am awesome and totally leaving the market, as is the person I am marrying. The two awesomest people EVER to be in the dating pool have now left. Cry like the little girl that you are!

Yeah, I bet you hate us! You want to set us on fire! Well guess what. You'll either have to write us a note telling us why you hate us, or just suck it up and enjoy its mintyness. No matches here.

Alright, in all seriousness, cliche though it may be, this cake topper is pretty shiny. It's probably cheap and made of recycled stripper-heels.

Really hate us? wish bad things upon us! This box, it is also seriously nifty.

This floor cling is nice, but what do I do with it after I'm done?

Sweet Creams sound tasty. They would be much awesomer if they were buttermints. Everyone loves buttermints. If they don't, then they aren't going to be invited.

Oooh I found buttermints, but they are cross-tacular. :/ There is a separate candy section, I'll have to write about it. OOoh non-cross buttermints... and popcorn! and... eterni-tea. >.>

Funeral fans! Oh wait, this is a wedding catalog... >.>

I am enjoying this WAAAAAYYYY too much. I think I will stop here for this particular theme. The next section will be Mr. & Mrs. Prestty... HOLY CRAP THERE ARE TIARAS. I think I would need WHOA A PARASOL... hrm. I will need th... aww, it's for the flowergirl. If she had it, I'd beat her up and take it away. >.> I think I'll stick with the top hat.

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Earlier today, I had planned to post some odd thing about "If I get married..."

I don't remember what the point of it was, but it was something along the lines of "I will need cocktail weenies, a top hat, and meatballs."

I wonder what it could have been. Oh! I remember what it was. I won't do any of that stupid "lookit at the ring! then lookit us. Well, by us I mean me. He's an afterthought. BUT THE RING IT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT"

But that is not what I was going to post about. Though it also made me feel dirty.

I stumbled across this website (reading a completely unrelated one) called STFU, Marrieds. It's about all of those people that make silly updates about their husband/wife/whatever.

Sayeth the author: Married couples on Facebook with their inane status updates and wall posts are the bane of my internet existence.

ANYWAY.

That is not why I started this post. Though it also made me feel dirty. >.>

I went to drop of the rent and pick up the mail. The mail was junk. Walking away, I saw what I thought was a catalog. Not just any catalog, but an Oriental Trading catalog. The best, most full of nearly useless junk EVER catalog.

So of course I picked it up.

But it is not the standard Halloween, Angry Pink Heart Day, Live up to Drunken Stereotypes Day, Thanksgiving, or not even Christmas/New Year's OT.

This is a blipping WEDDING OT. Seriously. Are they going to eventually have a Kwanzaa OT? A Bar/Bat Mitzvah OT? I don't think there's a graduation one, though they do have large sections for it....

Therefore, as rightly as I should, I feel dirty. One for snagging discarded mail. Two for being excited over a blipping wedding OT. I'm not sure if it's the fact that I know it's an OT catalog, so I can expect to see ridiculous and completely unnecessary, but awesome things that I really have no need for, or if it's because I know it's an OT catalog, so I can expect to see ridiculous and completely unnecessary, but awesome things that I really have no need for, but could needlessly daydream about "oh I will need this favor because it is AWESOME".

I'm gonna go take a shower.

Maybe I'll post another entry with some of the cooler things in it.

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"If you are unable to reach our web site, you may be infected. In that case you will need to get to a computer that is not infected, download our specialized Conficker removal tool and run it on the infected machine before installing new antivirus software."

So it sayeth in the middle of the page. I think I understand that perhaps it's a "this is reposted somewhere" or "not reading it on their own computer" line of thought, but then it says "go to a computer that isn't infected". Obviously if you can reach the website, you're on a non-infected computer.... Why would I go to another that isn't infected?

So I decided that since tomorrow is April Fool's Day, and Dave's birthday is in about two weeks, I could play a pretty mean prank on him: Get a box, tape it up, wrap it all fancy-like, and give it to him tomorrow, but tell him he can't open it until his birthday.

Inside of the box? A small note: "April Fool's!" or something like that. Maybe I'd put it on a spring. Or on the snake in a fake can of nuts.

That'd be horrible.

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