My parents have agreed to let me visit colleges to on my own during Martin Luther King weekend. So, i'm going to Tufts and BU on Saturday, then taking a flight to Bryn Mawr in Pennsylvania the next day. I'm excited, but scared at the same time. I don't know if being in Boston will conjure up emotions that i don't want to feel. Some hurts run too deep. Its bittersweet.

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Wow, I think i've finally started to accept the ending of my relationship. I've stopped lying to myself...even though I've loved him so passionatly, with all my heart, my soul....i don't think he ever really felt the same way. I guess words cannot be trusted and *sigh* all of it was false. I know this now because if he had really loved me, he wouldn't be cutting me off completly, not ever asking me how i'm doing or showing any concern for me. He's so cold.

I don't care if he doesn't feel the same way, I still love him and care about him anyway, but instead of expressing it, i'll keep it inside.

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Why do i feel like i'm already dead? Why am i waken up at night by shocks of my depressing reality? Its suppose to get better as time passes, so why is it getting worst? How could I be hitting the lowest part of my life while the reason why doesn't know, care, or feel the same way. Never even said any comforting words, it was just as if the past months didn't mean anything at all, as if he just cut me out completly in his life. You can give me anything, all the love in the world, all the fortune, all the knowledge, all the fame,but all of it would mean nothing.

Some people want it all
But I don’t want nothing at all
If it ain’t you baby
If I ain’t got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain’t got you

I don't want to hear "this won't work out" I want to hear him actually say he hates me, that he never loved me, that he's already forgotten me completly and doesn't care.

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Just got back from the emergency room. I have a really high tolerant for pain, but tonite, i endured scale 11 pain for almost 3 hours until they gave me numbing medicine. Tongue and throat numbed up too. Multiple stomach ulcers. They stuck a camera down esophagus and i could see them. Nasty and painfull looking.

Can't sleep anymore now.

At least its physical pain

and Life goes on

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I found essay samples very helpful in inspiring and guiding me throughout my college essay writing experience. I just wanted give back by contributing mine.


My Common App Main Essay:

My most vivid childhood memory is of a Thai refugee shelter, where I spent two nights at the age of five. I recall rain droplets creating infinite indentations in the sandy dirt road outside of our straw hut; I hear the dizzying sounds of children crying and old men snoring; I smell the odor of sweat and human filth. I remember suffering from thirst.

I had spent the earlier part of my childhood in Refugee Camp 979A in Vietnam. As we prepared to leave for Thailand, my father told me that we were going to the "Beautiful Country," yet our Thai experience was infinitely harsher than anything from 979A. In Vietnam I had had friends, a home, and I had never been thirsty. My mother gave me rainwater that she had collected in a plastic bottle, and assured me that this wasn't America; this was Thailand, just somewhere we had wait until our plane arrived to take us away. My family and I waited two nights for the arrival of our airplane, spent a night in transit in Japan, and finally arrived in Los Angeles. Amidst the intertwining threads of memory I clearly recall being greeted there by the most beautiful sunset: a symbol of the end of an old life and the beginning of a new one.

My family had dreamed of migrating out of Asia for generations. During World War II, both of my grandfathers left China for Cambodia; later, my Cambodian-born parents fled to Vietnam during Pol Pot's Khmer Rouge regime. After the Vietnam War, our family waited in a Vietnamese refugee camp for ten years, praying for permission to immigrate to America. After years of nerve-wracking interviews, rejections, appeals, and endless waiting, our family finally gained approval to immigrate to the U.S.

Our arrival was not the end of our journey, however, but only the beginning. We soon realized that our dreams of easy American prosperity were an illusion. With my father cooking six days a week in a Chinese restaurant, and my mother working as a waitress, I had to assume many household responsibilities at a young age. Since my parents couldn't speak English, I wrote checks to pay our bills, filled out doctors' forms, translated parent-teacher meetings, filed immigration forms, and discussed telephone and utility bills with representatives who struggled to take a little girl seriously. Later, I juggled school with cashiering, waitressing, and paying bills at our family restaurant.

Over the years, I have matured to develop appreciation and pride about my challenging childhood. I am inspired by my parents' determination and their lifetime of overcoming hardships, and recognize any challenge I face as one that can be overcome. My parents' tenacity and perseverance has given me the opportunity to come to America, where I have developed an insatiable drive for wisdom and success. To carry on my family's dreams, I intend to make the most of the opportunities before me; attending college is the necessary next step in my story.

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Oh my fucking god. I'm so glad I'm finally alll done with colleges!!! Well, at least the applying part.

My Cornell essay was awesome!!! Ward should be scared.

Lets see, what do i have so far:

Bryn Mawr- accepted
State- accepted
Tulane- accepted (no essay or fee required, how awesome was that?!)

Carolina, Tufts, Cornell, BU and UVA still pending. Patiently waiting...yea right!

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