I decided to delete the last entry. I was feeling really really sick this morning, but after a little bit of R & R, i feel 100% better and quirky agian like always! No...i'm not on n e thing, geeze. I'm really disapionted that we couldn't see Harry Potter today, but i'm really excited about seeing it 2morrow. I think it'll be a whole less crowed too.

Its been raining lots this pass couple of days, but i hope it'll get sunnier so we can all get to the beaches agian. Man, beach makes to think of surfing, and surfing makes me think of snowboarding. I miss it so much. I think i'm gonna be going to cali for christmas. I really want to go hit the awesome slopes there, and hopefully this time, there will be powder, not manmade ice! Ouch, it hurts just thinking about it. Edie knows what i'm talking about. My neck and back has never felt the same since.

Okay, well, i think i'm gonna go do some grocery shopping for my mom, and hopefully this time i won't forget the list and roam cluelessly throughout the supermarket. And maybe a little bit later, i'll go visit edie and McD's. I need to find lots of things to do to keep me distracted, as my doctor has said. How common sensy. So don't worry guyz, i feel 100% good, healthy, energized, and normal, whatever that is.

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I haven't been writing much lately, but the truth is that i've never had so much on my mind. So much, that i havn't been able to get much sleep lately. I was trying to just now, but decided that maybe if i write a little bit about how i feel, i could finally get some sleep.

I find myself in a situation that is all too similiar and complicated...well, maybe not complicated, cause it really doesn't and shoudn't have to be, it only is because i guess i make it so. If everyone could be transparent and straightforward, situations would be a lot less confusing, but then agian, coudn't it make things more confusing too? yes. Geez, how ironic is that?

AHHH i feel so silly for even talking about this because someone is probable reading this and going like, "damn, this is stupid, why are u even talking about this?" Well, i guess the main thing is, i feel really awkward and confused when talking this person now, but i hope that this awkwardness will go away, either it will go away just with time, or something else. Meanwhile, i'm just trying very hard to convince myself that i don't have any feelings for this person because i know that its not mutual, and i don't want to set myself up for getting hurt, like i've done counless times before.

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I just found out that my survey has been used by another person, which reminds me that i have to change some stuff in it n e ways.

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I really wanted edie to spend the night last night, it would've been so much fun. (and i guess Matt woudn't have gotten 26 hickies either) "AWWWEESOME!"

I didn't really argue with my mom about it, 16.5 years of experience...i know it doesn't work. And i kinda understand how she doesn't want to get involved, i didn't to be mad or fight with her.

Its really sad that many families don't have much unity. It makes me greatful to be asian, because to us, family is always #1. (reminds me of how outraged i was when they said that god was suppose to be #1, BS) I like how our weddings are always huge, i even don't mind that they talk really outragously loud sometimes, i like how theres sort of a silent competition b/w families to see whos child gets in the best academic honors, i like how we always consider our families first and try not to lose face or create a bad reputation, i like that we eat together sharing the same plate, i lke how we know that being 18 doesn't mean to leave of families, i like how we don't emphasize the negative qualities about family members, but the good instead. Most of all, i know that my parents love thier children so much, that they would be willing to sacrafice anything and everything . When i think about it, my parents aren't living, working, surviving for any other reason but me and my brother. They're so selfless and full of preserverence, integrity, and love.

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I was really bored last night, so i decided to watch my Initial D collection. I am now really inspired to find a Hachi Roku aka Toyota AE86, and fix it up, own my own little Fujiwara Tofu shop and deliver tofu drifting up and down a mountain pass without spilling the open water cup in my car. I have to do it whenever i get some extra cash laying around, i have to do or my life would not be fulfilled.

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Ahhh! I'm so excited! After years of begging my mom to rent me a cello, she finally said yes. There has always been a special place in my heart for the cello. The tone and timbre of the cello makes me feel a strange sense of peace and a melancholic pathos that is enjoyable but couldn’t be expressed in words. No other musical instrument evokes such passions in my mind and the feeling is most intense when I listen to a cello sonata, such yearning and sorrow, mystery and depth, rips and strethches at my heart. I'm going to be playing on it as much as possible when i get back from Cambridge.

I was watching this Kirsten Dunst movie today and saw the name Aaron come up in the credits. It made me remember of the dream i had last night. I had a dream that he discovered my true feelings for him after he read the entry i made right after graduation. I remember vague fragments about it, his girlfriend...his lips are moving, he's talking to me, but i can't make out what he's saying. What were you saying? It must have been important....why couldn't i hear you? Then you fade away...blinding brightness...nothing but the echoing of the synapses of my brain breaking apart, no....i didn't want it to ever end...

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