Time goes by so agonizingly slow.

I'm beginning to realize that how much i've been missing him is only the shallow surface compared to how much time...every minute, every hour...makes me miss him even more. I can't even say miss...things you miss you can live fine without, but this is different...

I feel like i've been screaming at the top of my lungs but I'm still all alone. I don't know what to do anymore, feeling so depressed everyday. I hate shedding tears everyday. I've exhausted this journal, i need to take a break. Goodbye for now.

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BU isn't very prestigious. My mom wants me to go to an Ivy League school, but i don't know. My biggest problem right now is, i have no idea where i could or couldn't get in. My grades are good, I take mostly all AP courses, my SATs will be around 1350, but i don't have many honors or awards. IDK, i'm totally in the dark, the only thing i can think of is to just apply to where i like, and let the schools decide.

I still can't get over the fact that steve's bro goes to Yale. Its ranked #1 in selectivity this year in US News and World report. Its so beyond me...i wish i were smart.

Damned car dealership. They close on Sundays! 2morrow i guess.

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I used all the money i made from working last night, till very late that is, to buy myself a wireless FM transmitter for my iPod. (69 bucks ahhh) Its so awesome, i don't have to change cd's and have them sliding everywhere in my car, i've got my iPod, secured in a little car dock in my cup holder, yay. I wonder how long it will take for this excitement to wear off.

So i went to the chiropractor the other day and i saw an x-ray of my neck, it wasn't good at all. I've got damage from major whiplash i had from snowboarding last winter. Fell pretty hard, damn fake snow! Like, the first two thingys of my neck bone are suppose to be evenly spaced, and their totally not. They adjusted me though, god...it felt sooo good. I get to go back every other day, i'm stoked.

So my dad has decided to wait till 2morrow to get me my new CRV. Its white. Eh...its not the best, but its something new and different.

I've given early graduation a lot of thought lately. I just feel like i'm stepping backwards so much being in high school, but i think i should just stick it out. I talked to the BU admissions counselor, and she said that they would be happy to take my application for the spring, but i would really miss out on freshman orientations and just the whole experience of being a freshman. I want to move on so much, but i don't want to regret anthing. My mom really wants to grad early, but my dad says i'm still too young and that i should enjoy my senior year. I think i need to just breathe and slow down. Enjoy the freedom my parents give me at home while they're also supporting me financially. hehe. Its so wierd going to eat and grocery shopping without having to pay.

I feel like i have so much i havn't done. College applications, essays, senior project. I've got an idea for my college application essay, i think i'm going to write about my experience at Harvard. I felt like i learned and grew so much there. BU isn't that great of a college, so i don't think it would be too hard to get in. I like having that pressure taken off of me

Tonite, i tried to go run around in the rain, it was pouring, but it stopped just as i got out the door. How sad...

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I saw the Exorcist: The Beginning today. It wasn't scary scary, just freaky scary. It made me think of Lyceum haunted house, i'm excited to get started on that. I love Halloween.

*sigh* holidays...makes to think of christmas....i love christmas. Such a romantic time, being with loved ones and family. Even if its freezing outside, you always feel like you're cushioned in a warm and cozy atmosphere. I just wish i could be with the one person who means the most to me.

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So much effort is put just in getting by each day. I miss the way his eyes close and create a crescent moon shape when he laughs or smiles, i miss the way he use to always blow on my face, i miss holding his hand, i miss his scent, i miss listening to music with him, i miss tickleing each other and our little wrestling fights, i miss holding him close to me...letting out a big breath and thinking how lucky and how happy i am being with him. I wish i never had to let go...these tears won't cease to fall

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