I was just sitting in calc class until the women on the intercom said we all had to evacuate because there was a bomb threat. Whoa....a total flashback of freshman year. It really sucked, i mean 10 more minutes and i could of been on my way home, but no, we had to sit in the freakin hot sun for about half an hour. It felt so good finally coming home and taking a hot bath. French went by rather quick today. I took my test, which she had given us a copy of to study the day before (WTF?). Oh well, i'm not complaining, i finished it in about 5 minutes and then Jess had to bribe someone to hand me a note to go to the counselors office because she had skipped latin and didn't want mrs lewis to see her.

I wish this weekend could be a really fun and exciting one, but its going to be dull as usual. I need to remember to make and appiontment for a message or body wrap to unwind before my AP Calc exam on the 5th. I'm so scared....i really need to do good on it. Its really stupid because on the free resonse questions, u have to include every freakin detail of the process of finding the solution.

I can't beleive i've finally come across a book that i actually enjoy reading, its called The Jungle and we're reading it for Am. Lit. I can't wait to go on the senior trip. I'm pretty sure i'm going to costa rica cause the other trips are way way too expensive.

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Lately, i've been so afraid that my friendliness to guy friends will be interpreted as feelings for them. I hope they don't think that, but theres really no way of saying that to them, cause first of all, i don't know if they are really thinking that, and second, well, its just all really complicated. But unlike some people *cough cough* , i don't just try to totally avoid them!

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blade
dance on my arm
emerge
a trail of red hot tears
now cold
exposed
to this world
everything turns cold

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God...i have so much to say, there is so much that's i'm feeling that i can't even express in words. The most significant is my stress and depression, its almost the end of the year, and everything is starting to cram together into one huge bubble that will burst any moment. The second this is my personal problems, but i'm not going to talk about them right now.

I though that Jess's home and school life would imporve this semester, but everything is still going downhill for her. I'm so worried about her, but theres nothing i can do. I feel like such a failure for not being able to help my best friend

As long as Emily is with Marty, she is on a self destructing path. God!!!! i'm so fucking frustrated about why she can't see that this guy is the worst fucking loser! He treats her like shit and she always cries to edith about it everyday. Why can't she let go of him? He is the reason why she changed from being so nice, to antisocial and alienating her real friends.

Edith has way too many worries that completly weigh herdown. She doesn't need to have more people to worry about when her life is just as bad right now. I remember the days where she use to be so happy, always outgoing, smiling, just really carefree. Now, even when she seems happy, i can see through her eyes that she isn't truly happy.

Why is everything going so downhill of all of us. It makes me really depressed and i just want to cry all the time. I started to tear up in Biology, but i just pretended i had allergies. I'm so hurt...so unhappy...and nobody knows...why does life suck so bad...what it if can end?

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10:48 am
i hate loneliness. It makes me feel like i'm wasting time, yet time goes by so slow. It makes me feel down on myself, because i'm just drifting....people take time for granted

8:31
I just remembered what weird dream i had today when i took a nap. I had some kind of surgery done and the doctors gave me these wierd Oxycotin pills that were laced with this other brown stuff. Weirdo....and when i woke up, i was like, damn it!

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10:15
*sigh* another day, another entry.

It really meant a lot to me that drew imed me last night. We haven't talked to each other in ages and it was really nice having a conversation like old times. I was really needing someone to talk to and he came at the perfect time. Even though we seem like we're so different, we actually have a lot in common.

1:43
Yesterday, i was just thinking about how not having a car can really ruin your social life. I'm the only one with the car, and it sucks that sometimes if i don't give my friends a ride, we end up not being able to do n e thing at all.

10:53
Today, i tried extra hard to keep myself distracted so i won't have to start my research paper, and i must say, i was successful. hehe. Instead, i finished my application to Harvard Summer School. I love the lyrics to Privilege by Incubus. You have to read it many times to understand and you can interpret it a lot of ways. The words pretty simple, yet the meaning is still really deep.

11:26
I think i've finally come to my senses with the whole falling for a friend thing. If n e thing was suppose to happen, it would have already happened. I don't want to expend energy on something that has a great potential to just further complicate things for the both of us. Its either not the right person or the right timing.

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