God, it hurts so much..so much....its an indescribable pain. I've been crying so much that my face doesn't even resemble one anymore. Please! Take this pain away, i can't take it anymore. I've never felt so sad before in my life. Why must life be so cruel. Why must the person that gives me most fulfilment, happiness and meaning in my life part with me? ........*breaking down completly* I want to scream! its all just bundled up inside and it hurts so much

I keep hearing in my head him singing, like he did the other night...."I'll be down on my knees, begging for that girl to stay, Don't let go Ooo oh oh" and "Ooo wee ooo, I look just like Buddy Holly, Oh oh, and you're Mary Tyler Moore." The cute memories like that are so sweet, their killing me...

I feel so miserable, like my whole body is getting flipped inside out and i'm about to die a slow painful death....i don't know what to do....I feel so weak and helpless.....so weak

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I'm in such a confused state...i don't know what to say, what to do, how to act....how to say goodbye...i don't know anything anymore. I feel so scatter brained. If i seem kinda wierd...this is probably why.

Does anybody understand how i'm feeling right now? Its aweful, like i'm about to break apart any second. All i know is that i'm not able to spend as much time with the person i want to, but i can't help that. I hate facing things are totally beyond my control.

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Wow, i'm in shock...i just found out that Holly Baughman, who was in Senior Lyceum, just died of a car accident. I didn't really know her, but i saw her almost everyday. Its so strange, i can't really grasp the concept of death, more so, i can't grasp the concept that it could happen to anyone at anytime...

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Eh...I feel so bad for being upset over something that really wasn't his fault...he had no idea and i should've told him how i felt before getting upset. It would have saved us so much very needless heartache, especially during these last few days.

Ahhh, i'm such a cruel person! I wish i could take back my actions so very much...i really regret it...its such a horrible feeling. The feeling of being hurt by someone is nothing compared to the feeling of knowing you hurt someone whom you so dearly love and mean so much to you.

I'm also really worried...its strange. On the outside, he seems like an always happy go-lucky-person, but he can get very self destrucive during his low times. *sigh* I wish so much that there was someway i could help, but i can't think of anything that would and that makes me feel so weak and useless.

On a lighter note...I wonder what we'll do on Friday. Anything will be absolutly perfect just as long as i get to spend time with him. It's going to be so bittersweet.

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I have to admit that i am a little hurt, well...maybe more than just a little. Its been all day, and i don't beleive that steve would be so busy to not even have a chance to just say a simple "hey". I would call him...but i feel bad because i don't want to bother him. I feel like so empty, yet i'm about to burst in any moment. I just don't understand, don't we only have 3 days left together? I would without even thinking, stay up all night doing work just to be able to see him (i'm not in any way suggesting that at all, just an example!) I was right after all, there will never be anyone that would love me more than I love them.

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Wow, 6 weeks has gone by so fast. It seems only like yesterday that i first arrived and met all my roomates.

It feels so wonderful knowing that by seeing Steve, even for the shortest period of time, and getting to feel him close to me, makes my whole day complete and worthwhile...lived to the fullest.

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