mood: brainless

Hmmm...one more week til I get back to uni...and I thought I would be excited and all but not really. I guess I have accomplished quite a few things these holidays that I did plan to do...my new year's resolutions aren't going too bad. The only one that I have bummed out on was probably the 'eat healthy' point. But then everyone has their blahs and boos right? Me...especially in my body...urrrghhh I dunno why but it is such a BLAH! There's also my brain which I'm worried about, trying to figure out a way to wake it up from it's SLUMBER! 3 months is a pretty long time to get the brain outta 'holiday' mode.

Today I had a fun time bowling with Michelle, Gail and Mel. I'm trying to spend as much time with Mish and Gail especially cuz they will be moving into country town soon and I probably won't see them this whole year. The assure me they will be back becuz being city girls they cannot be away too long...hopefully! They are my childhood friends - knew them since they were 6 and we have been through a WHOLE lot! I dunno how I will cope without them...might try making new friends but then old friends are always kept close to the heart no matter what.

I'm much better today now... ahhh...my lil bro is pretty worried cuz he sees me with all these mood swings and he is usually the one that is in firing range. I feel so sorry for him. I luv my bros and they have to put up with all of this shit....sometimes I admire guys for being so 'tolerant'. Wow... that is a surprise from ME! I mean...I don't usually give credit to guys (I know that sounds mean...esp when I'm in a MOOD. Sorry!) but this time I will...cuz without them all women would be pulling out their hair due to the overflow of estrogen aka 'bitchiness'. hahaha! The world would be absolte chaos! So ever said it would be wiser to hand over the political power to women? Would we truely acheived peace and harmony? I dunno...but you can argue with me on this one... hehehe

I wouldn't blame it on PMS cuz I couldn't have it right now...if you know what I mean. Is there such thing as 'Permanent PMS'? Can get so sick of my complaints sometimes...and me being a woman. How do you guys stand me?

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I'm am so fucking peeved at this customer who came through my checkout today. This guy thinks that it is his right as a customer to treat me that way - but FUCK him, he doesn't know nothing about me. DON'T pity my position as a checkout chick and don't be all in my face when I can't be bothered to smile at you! I have problems...just like you asshole - don't think the sun shines in my life all the time. Do I have to smile 24/7 because I don't think any human being can do that! I have a job to do and I'd rather do it quickly than give you some kinda pick up! Especially since you don't respect my postion! And don't give me a fucking hard time, you as a customer still do not have the right to lose your manners - if you had ANY in the first place! Some people are so smugged just because I allow them the last word - that loser threw his money at me even though I had an open/receptive hand. FUCK HIM! Manners, where are manners now in this world?

I'm so not feeling a care in the world for these ppl... how can they be so insensitive, especially when I'm feeling like shit. I could've busted him on the spot with his hoe behind him - fuck he would've been bitch slapped! I'm pissed off - so I'm gonna kick a wall right now...excuse me...

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mood: mixed

I am feeling like - sad, happy, tired and can't be bothered. Today is the anniversary of my grandfather's death. It was this time last year I was at Ipoh, Malaysia. It was no holiday adventure but a sad trip...the only time when our family reunited. It was sad because we should've had this reunion when our grandfather was alive and well *sigh* ...life can be full of regrets. The only way to keep on going is to put it behind. But what I would give to have a conversation with my koong koong. Not even at his death bed was he able to talk to me...

I wish I could go back to pay respects...but all I can do is pray here. But then my faith has nearly depleted...I stopped praying ages ago...I guess I thought no one was really listening to me. Then again may be he was cuz I still have a wonderful life...still...I didn't have enough time to speak to my grandad.

I went clubbing again last night (metros again!)...I felt great dancing and being around my friends who I haven't seen in a while...but at the back of my mind I felt bad for having fun. I should've been at home with my family. Every weekend of this month I have been clubbing...and it doesn't get any better. The faces around just get more common and the music is the same. It is a short moment of satifaction and euphoria, it is when you feel the soles of your feet burn, your knees buckle...is when you know 'this is not fun anymore'!

There was a time when they asked the ladies to dance on stage...my friends asked me to get up there...'AS IF!'. Infront of 3000 ppl! errr...don't think so! But I would love to dance hey...only if I wasn't so conscious. :/ One lady up there was shaking her booty like crazy!!!! I was like oh ma god!!! I'm sure all the guys enjoyed it...it was the 'milkshake' song you see...but i couldn't do that! Hahahaha...she had all the bounciness to make it look good. hahaha! I was happy to see her off the stage cuz I definitely - DID NOT WANNA SEE THAT. Ok ok...maybe I was a lil green eyed monster... :p

I went out for dinner before clubbing with Ron, it is never said to be a date but I hope he doesn't assume it is. I take it as a friendly catch up...then again it is only 2 of us...errr... can't guys and girls keep it platonic? But it was nice of him to wait for me in town til my friends got in and he was already late for another party. Man...he is a decent guy but dammit!!! - He is a tad shorter than me. Should that matter? *sniff* I luv wearing heels though...as much as they kill my feet!

Home by 3.30am...tried a 'flake', it a yummy chocolate cocktail, but i went so red after as expected! Then I had illusion shots with my friends at metros...not bad. But had a easy night...was safe to drive home...I'm just trying to fit in all my clubbing ventures before 1st MAR - when I go back to uni. :)

Hope u guys had a fantastic weekend! Take carez and take it easy! ^_^

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listening to: I'm still in love with u - Sean Paul ft Sasha
mood: unconstructive

I'M STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU BOY!! I can't get this song outta my head! But it is quite good. Even though the lyrics are just so blurrrghhh - I mean this is what I have been trying to avoid mentioning in my blogs. But yeh...some point in a lady's life she is gonna feel like this. Some girls will be lucky to never feel heartache and fall for dawgs...but unfortunately for some we will pass this path. It's a 'dutty dutty' love as Sean Paul says... !

Hmmm...thinking of going for free drinks at the ONYX tonight but then...hmmm...not a good idea considering I am working tomorrow. Then Michelle inviting me to go out tonight. I should get out of here...since nobody else will be at home hehe. Why would anyone stay at home on a fri night if they have something to do? Gawd I am such a bum . Feeling really unconstructive...the nagging has started from the parents, me being the second child in line to get through uni! My bro is flying off soon and my parents really want me OUT to the workforce FAST! BUT...I still feel like a 17 year old...I don't want no responsibility.

Some of my friends are working already and living away from home. I am lagging behind and to do this to me is torture!!! Cuz I'm usually the person that wants to be on top of things...but life seems to be spinning outta control. When did I allow it to become this way?? Gawd....all I wanna do is have fun! Is that wrong? I guess it is... I'm always like that start things in my mind but can never seem to get it into action. My dream is to start a business but I am so scared that will never come true because I have a fear of getting it off the ground. Having negative thoughts is eating up my ego.

Ehhh...lemme not think so much...I'm going out tonight with mah girls and we are gonna have a run around town! hehehe...bleh to my future (for now)- which is sad to say but anyways... Hope you guys have a great weekend!

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You know what pisses me off when it is meant to make me feel good, is when all my aunties, friends or people who haven't seen me in over a year or so and suddenly catches up with me comments (or something along those lines):

"WAHHHHHHHHH! U lost so much weight? WAT u look anorexic? I remember when you once used to be a little chubby with your baby fat...but now all grown up...young lady - look pretttiiier!!!"

I cringe and go "No way lah!" Hehehe...But i really annoys me you know...cuz it makes me wonder 'WAS I SUCH A WHALE BEFORE?'. Now I find myself extremely cautious when eating and exercising cuz I don't want them to say I am fat again. My self-esteem is very disappointing - but hey...I'm 20 and I'm meant to be a woman that feels like she under the microscope of society - it is only natural...gawd that sounds so sad..."natural", but have to say it is the 'vainest' stage of a girl's life. Don't u comment on the size of a woman's ass - the only thing she wants to hear is 'IT'S PRETTY DAMN FINE". lol!

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watching: bro play ff8 ^_^
mood: tired

V'day singles night out - chilli mussels and metros v'day gig. :)

I think it's enough...all the constant blogs about guys and how they are so involved in our lives! It's time to break free and stop allowing my precious time rotating around them. I dunno why I have been unlucky so far in this field of 'lurrrvvee' and may be it is time I called myself out. One of my close friends broke off with her bf on Valentine's which clearly shows it is not the perfect day for all couples. It was a sad moment and I wished I was with her at the time. But I got to chat to her yesterday when she came back from the mines and we practically told each other 'all guys are the same'.

I don't wanna say too much about 'guys' cuz it is just soooo boring a subject! It's in nearly all my blogs recently. Lemme tell u something else different. Oh yeh I went back to my old uni yesterday and I saw most of my old frens and many faces that were familiar. MAN! I soooooo wanna go back but I now look back to the change and see why...cuz Curtin is prob better for commerce and my double deg with psych. I will still remain a part of Murdoch though because I have joined THE ANIME CLUB!!!! I have always wanted to...now it shall give me opportunities to dress up in anime character costumes and go to anime screenings and conventions! Excellent! There - revealed my inner nerd! Hahaha...but anime is soooo not a 'nerd' trend I think it's cool! :p

Ummm...my bro is flying off to canberra soon, the capital of Oz, also the only legal city for porn, prostituting, fireworks etc...that aught to keep my mother from worrying *yeh right* But we trust the boy...he is decent and a strong-willed guy...my bro is not into kinky - HOPEFULLY! But guys will be guys yah? Ok ok...I promised not to mention the topic.

I luv anime!!! I'm currently watching ' full metal panic' and that is funny as!! Yay anime screenings - I have a feeling this uni semester is gonna be rocking! :) May decide to join other associations too. WAHHHHH 2 more weeks till uni starts! YUCKS YUCKS YUCKS!! Hey just looked outside and there's a sun-shower!!! HOW PRETTY! Finally we get some rain in this 40 deg heat, reminds me so much of m'sia...*sighs*

*I took off the photo cuz I still can't figure out how to resize my blog accordingly to it. >.<

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