What a way to start the new yr...I was about to scrap off one of my new year's resolutions on the first night! I knew I couldn't pull this off! I'm talking about #6 on my list :

6. To look before I leap into any sort of r'ship

Ummm...yeh...I was about to meet a guy who I had been emailing with for a while now. I know how ppl will warn me of the dangers of meeting these people becuz they could turn out to be psycho killers but knowing me I am so trustworthy. I sometimes think I am a fool to avoid my conscience...I AM A FOOL! I'm so glad that I didn't meet him in the end, well he was busy anyway and apoligised for it. That tells me he isn't as eager and may not be a PSYCHO...but who really knows huh?

Also I am trying to avoid these kinda situations because it is only a repeat of the past...and I don't want to go through past mistakes all over again. IT IS THE NEW YEAR DAMMIT! Start off with that clean slate!!! Cuz that's how I met B, on the net...please feel free to laugh it up... I know it is pathetic! But I'm sure it happens a lot on the net. Right? It's not just me right?

Yeh so I am avoiding these net r'ships. Probably best to go out there like a 'normal' social being and make the effort to hold conversations face to face. It may be the safest and most efficient way. Hehehe...mum is really worried about my LOVE life for some reason and reckons my older bro should take me to meet his friends! Hahaha! I'll look so stoopid...as if I am trying to get into their circle and perve on the cute guys and be that 'lil annoying sis'. I dunno...but it doesn't look good!

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mood: mellow
listening to: immortal

A new day, a new start to the new year. The possibilities my friend! Ahhh...guess I am kinda excited that I have a whole new 365 days to make up for last yr. Most importantly I must look before I leap, I have learnt that lesson well in 2003 and hope to utilise that lesson in 2004. It is the only way to secure myself...may mean less spontaneous acts and also I have to be more matured...hmmm...what are the chances of that change?

Anyway how was everyone's night? Mine was a quiet one...surprised? E-von Lee at home on NY eve! Hehehe...it would be expected of me to be out at the clubs, drinking and partying with friends until the early hours. But I am limiting myself on that 'life' from now on. Instead I was with my parents (who were sleeping!!!) and watching 'Absolutely Fabulous' the movie. It was so hilarious DARLING! At midnight I retreated to my roof to watch the fireworks, there were at least 3 spots blasting and it was so beautiful!

Hahaha can u picture it? Me sitting in the dark alone watching fireworks. But it felt so nice, like escaping from the world. I felt at peace...for I haven't felt that way in a long time. My bros abandoned me and went to the city to party. Ron, called me at midnight to check if I was not alone and having fun...I lied to him cuz he would only feel sorry for me. But why feel sorry? Cuz I had a great time...in a different sort of way. Tis all good!

Hope u all had a wonderful time waking up to the new year feeling fresh...or some what hung over...hehehe just be HAPPY to receive the new day! ^_^

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New year is just around the corner and I am not prepared. I just don't feel like jumping into a new year when I know a lot of things have not been resolved in 2003. Just minor things that are left sitting on my mind. Maybe I shouldn't let it get to me... But yeh...new years...just on the edge...a time to make that list of resolutions which I hope to stick by. FAT CHANCE I reckon, but it is tradition...see whether I make it or break it this time.

1. Be more prepared for uni. Study hard and actually learn something!
2. Save, spend less, BUDGET!
3. Stay fit, eat healthy and do more pilates!
4. Be more expressive and show feelings, be assertive n straight forward
5. Be the bestest friend, sister, daughter I can be.
6. To look before I leap into any sort of r'ship
7. To laugh/smile and create as many memories as I can
8. Meet as many new ppl as I can and learn from them.

That is quite a list, and I may add to it as the yr progresses. I know u aren't meant to change any once the new yr arrives cuz that would only mean breaking the resolution. But mine will be subject to adjustments...to how I see fit. hehehe! I know I need A LOT OF CHANGE!

Anyway HAPPY NEW YEARS TO YOU ALL AND YOUR FAMILES! Have a wonderful, prosperous, happy, bright and safe year! Will catch up with u soon! Peace...



* Question to u all - who would u wanna be kissing this midnight???

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*This entry was created by my fellow online blogger/friend Vera. Her website is so interesting, as everything she has to say has meaning, teaching, it is just very introspective. If any of you feeling you need a good read, you should drop by and pay her a visit. I call it 'verbal garbage' she calls it 'verbage'. I really liked what she wrote here about the movie' My sassy girl', I wanna watch it again!!!

23 December 2003
--My Sassy Girl--

I just finished watching the korean movie, "My Sassy Girl", for the third time.

I love this movie.

I don't know exactly what it is about this movie that appeals to me. Perhaps it's the idea that Gyeong-Woo is the type of guy that most girls would love to have, give or take a few missing pieces here and there (we can't have everything after all can we?) Wouldn't it be nice to know that there was a guy out there who would do anything for you? Go to prison for you? Get smacked by you and pretend that it hurts when it didn't, and pretend that it didn't hurt when it did? To exchange shoes when your feet hurt from wearing high heels?

I have heard most guys who have watched this film say that they wouldn't put up with the sort of actions that the girl in "My Sassy Girl" would do. I suppose it's their loss because deep down, they fail to realise how sincere and caring she is. Perhaps it is to her weakness if these sort of guys ever found out her secret: that her sass and sharp tongue are only a coverup for what she is truly saying. She also says a lot of things, things such as "Respect your elders", "Don't behave in such a manner (to the underage prostitutes)", and so on. It's sort of the book behind the cover story all over again. Looks aren't all what they seem to be...

...so i guess that all i'm trying to say is...if you ever happen to come across a girl who seems to be blunt, terse, and god knows what, just remember that she is so much more than what she looks to be. Especially if people are talking about her. Even more so in that sort of situation. We may not speak that much, and when we do it may not come out in the nicest of manner, but our hearts are in the right place...

*Just reminding you all we are just girls not monsters...so don't be scared when we feel.

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Thank you to all the ppl who care for me cuz you don't know how much I really appreciate it and how blessed I really feel. Knowing that I have such special friends and family surrounding me I can conquer anything and just be myself. What eva that may be... thanks again...I am smiling ^_^ don't worry leh! My bros are taking me out to the watch LOTR3 tonight. I have been wanting to watch it. I thought I would watch it on opening day like I always do but this yr I haven't been in the mood. At work I covered my ears when a guy was chatting behind me on the escalators, once he mentioned the name 'ARAGORN' I was like 'LAH LAH LAH' (hands cupped ears) hehehe! Today at the Christmas sales it was so HOT, stinky, a bad day at footwear! God ppl got there before I started work! Psycho shoppers, like they haven't spent enough money already! Looked like ants! Me gonna be enjoy the movie tnite. I think I deserve it hehehe aftera grueling 9 hr shift today smelling ppl's BO. YUCKS!

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Feeling really frustrated with myself after the Christmas season. WOOhoo (not!). I know I am just a lost, screwed up, clueless, selfish, inconsiderate person. My self-esteem has also hit a low again... just because I am questioning my actions towards others. You know how you can be the most friendliest and generous person in the whole world and other ppl take that as poison. Lemme explain... when I do something nice for someone they think I am leading them on. But I DON'T intend to...I just want to treat them with the kindness they have given me. If I am leading them on then I admit I am inconsiderate...and that I have hurt their feelings. But it is how they interpret my actions - which isn't my problem...

Lost? Screwed up and clueless? Yes I am...at this point I honestly ask myself - What do you want from Life? And got asked that same question from Jason the other night. My answer was broad - involving happiness for my loved ones, peace and career. I guess that is not what he meant. More like what do u WOMEN want? Hahahaha...I didn't feel the need to justify myself to him or anyone for that matter. He pretty much said he is sick of being patient, and that is cool cuz if he won't even accept being friends then let's leave it. He always wanted me to share more with him so that we would overstep the 'friendship' barrier....

Which comes to selfishness...a lot of ppl think I don't share my feelings. But I do in hidden forms. Not like I am gonna come out and pour all my probs on you. Cuz I tend to be the person who is there to lean on. Okay be frustrated with me cuz I won't be frustrated with u...I am a person who is very patient and low tempered. If u are looking for a fight and a burst of emotions don't come to me. Okay so I am selfish...sue me!

Then adds to my low self-esteem...thank u very much for telling me I'm indicisive, inhibited, cold! But I am so NOT! But it is true when ppl say something, I can't help but take it to heart. I show a face of strength and but can feel quite deep. I can 'YUN' (tolerate) only so much.

Pls accept me for who I am...I am only human. I make mistakes...forgive me for being me. Love is a very touchy topic and a girl just can't be rushed into these things kay...
that's all I am a girl...don't break me up...

*Sorry for the heavy duty entry...didn't mean to ruin everyone's festive season. Just had to vent somewhere...don't worry about me I'll be back in the happy mood soon. :) Thought of putting it in as a private entry but Fuck it

* Note new Evanescence lyrics...this song is so beautiful. N look at my cute baby polarbear ^_^ Check out the polarbear international - in links section...

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