I'm a borderline...

Borderline Personality Disorder - individual shows a generalized pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and observable emotions, and significant impulsiveness.

I can see some part of that is true...I do have a low self image because I put others before me. Therefore my r'ships aren't really defined. I don't show emotions openly...may on blogging but not in reality and I can be impulsive at times. Time to see the shrink! Hahaha!

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Paper...is such a beautiful thing...it should be one of the most cherished resources on this planet because it comes from the trees that gives us shelter, oxygen, food and I'm sure so much more that I cannot think of right now. I must sound like some kinda hippie, passionate enviromentalist...and there's a lil part of me which I am. Lemme get to the point...paper is good because you can write on it and most things written are special to me...every letter that I have received from a friend I will keep, even the smallest note (passed in class). My diary is my most prized possession, even though it is open to inspection which I have no control over I write my most deepest thoughts down. But these pass few days I have neglected the old girl...because of this new found innovative companion...THE BLOGGER. Yet the diary never fails to be outshined by this new technology because it will always contain my heart, mind, soul.

And it is in the BLOG that I salute to you dear friend! You are my confidant! Who will always be there for me... bless the paper and the tree that made you...

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I took a really good look at myself lately and saw someone I despised. I am quite embarassed to be myself sometimes cuz I can say the most cruelest and meanest things and wanted to take them back so much. I remember I once used to be friendly, caring and funny but now I a have totally changed, I would say 'heartbreak' does make you do some stupid things but all you have to do is look past it and get on with life. Why allow it to make you misearble cuz it isn't worth living life that way. !

I managed to get everything sorted out yesterday with my enrolment 2 hours before my exam. It gave me time to settle down and just do my best. A lot of stress has been weighing down on me but I am gonna use it as my strength and endure it. I saw a different part of me yesterday when I went to fight for my case and this time I made sure I got heard. A student has a right to voice their say against a unjust decision made against them by the faculty/authority. My advice today is fight for your rights, your education because it will lead to your career, don't be bullied and take BS from anyone who insults your intelligence.

I have been suppressed to be the timid, feminine and ignored person that my superego is feeling the need to lash out! You can read my latest reading, I'm pretty much over my heartache and in search for a more beautiful soul. But when all you have seen in life is the positive side of people you will end up badly hurt, because of the disappointment. I have learnt that...but doesn't mean that I will stop believing there is amazing people out there

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Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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This summer I am thinking of juggling 3 jobs. Really need the cash for next yr. It is very costly to be a uni student. The textbooks cost at least $100 each on average! The Australian govt is raising fees too and everything seems to be increasing...how do they expect us students to study to our very best? Our generation suffers aplenty...ppl think that we have it easy in the 21st century. But do we ever get to do the simple things like they did in "those" days? Walking, playing in the park with ur best buds, cycling, hanging out with friends at the ice-cream bars. No...we don't have it sweet at all...stressors attack from every direction. And they wonder why more people are seeing therapists, even children as young as 8! I study psychology, trust me...that is a real statistic!

I just finished a 9 hour induction and it was constant standing and sitting. A lot of info to sink in...and now my brain is like jelly! This job is in retail so I have to sell sell sell! I shouldn't complain because many ppl are searching for work. I am happy, because it was actually quite fun, setting aside all the boring policies etc. Plus can't wait to work at this dept store when it is the Christmas, the feeling will just be elevated! Christmas just brings a certain 'warmth' that cannot be explained. Makes me smile unawares and look silly.

Then again I am quite stressed...not about my studies becuz I accomplished a lot yesterday by just sitting down to the books. But the STOOPID CURTIN UNIVERSITY has got me on their record as 'UNENROLLED' which is making me pull out my hair! I even appealed against it and I am so FRUSTRATED! I don't need this right now!!! So that means next yr I may lose my place at uni...you can understand how I am feeling right? F*** Higher ED!

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[name] E-von Lee
[nicknames/ who gave them to you] Von – Tiff/Yo, Evee & B-von – Mel, Vonni – Cathy & Shelz, Vonz – Gailz,
[location] Perth, Australia
[birthday] March 24 1984
[sign] Aries
[eye color] brown
[hair] orange/brown
[bf/gf] N/A

[school colours] so…highschool! It was purple
[mascot] omg I can’t remember!
[clothing style] casual – jeans , white t-shirt n flip flops
[pets] my teddy
[movie] empire records
[tv show] queer as folk
[color crayon] magenta
[kind of pens] pilot G-2 05, extra fine (I have my particulars)
[flowers] white lilies
[juice flavor] OJ fresh, watermelon
[cereal] special K
[candies] ROC
[pie flavor] apple (from Maccas)
[ice cream flavor] tiramisu
[skittle flavor] grape
[color m & m] blues…give u a blue tongue!
[pizza topping] chicken pieces!
[salad dressing] caesar
[drink (non-alcoholic)] water or tropical fanta
[drink (alcoholic)] baileys, barcardi/coke/lemon
[hangout] anywhere with good company
[saying] SHUT UP!
[quote] ???
[teacher] I don’t have teachers they r now called tutors…stuck up bastards!
[day] Sunday
[month] March
[season] autumn or summer
[number] 4, 8
[holidays] Christmas
[shoes] RMK or ninewest
[makeup] gloss n mascara
[perfume] issey miyake -women
[store] luxxe
[fast food place] Subway
[restuarants] Uncle V’s, il padrinos
[cars] jaguar x-type
[rugrats character] phil n lil
[daria character] Trent, Jane
[simpsons character] homer
[teletubby] the yellow one
[radio station] 101.7 or 93.7
[font] Arial 12 (I’m so boring!)
[color of floppy disk] neon green
[person to talk to online] Ams n Adel
[thing to do in the daytime] nap
[thing to do at night] cruising with the group
[thing to do in the summer] beach, sit infront of a/c n nap
[thing to do in the fall] walk under the maple trees with a sweetie
[thing to do in the spring] smell the flowers.
[picture] one of the recent funny pics the girls n I took on our sat night out.
[bands] Good Charlotte, Powderfinger n Silverchair
[subject] Psych, Art
[food] jap or Italian…usually anything
[color] blacks, whites, purple, red

*this or that*
[boxers or briefs?] boxers
[plaid or striped?] plaid
[scream or scream2 or scream3?] no.1
[urban legend or the faculty?] faculty!
[ska or punk?] punk…neither really
[salt or pepper?] pepper
[rare, medium, or welldone?] medium
[m & m's-regular, peanut, peanut-butter, or almond?] almond? I like crunchy!
[hershey's-hugs or kisses] kisses
[chocolate or vanilla?] choc
[bleh or blah?] blah
[okay, ok, or o.k.?] okay
[sex, drugs, or rocknroll?] a lil of each :p
[shake or stir?] shaken
[gray or grey?] gray
[pens, crayons, pastels, or colored pencils?] pens
[bright colors or dark colors?] dark
[fruit at the bottom or pre-stirred?] pre-stirred
[beavis and butthead, king of the hill, or daria?] Daria
[adidas, nike, fila, or reebok?] nike
[big red, juicy fruit, or doublemint?] juicy fruit
[tic-tacs or certs?] tic tacs
[sunshine or rain?] sunshine
[rain or snow?] snow…wish I could see it though!
[sun or moon?] moon
[silver or gold?] silver
[silk, cotton, or flannel sheets?]cotton
[skaters or jocks?] errr…none
[preps or freaks?] freaks…more interesting
[cds or cassettes?] cds
[popcorn-with or w/out butter?] with
[ketchup, mayo, mustard, or relish?] mayo
[shampoo+conditioner in one or separate?] separate

*what do you think of*
[leonardo Dicaprio] get over it…
[hanson] teenybopper
[calvin klein] Mark Wahlberg, jeans
[swing music] hmmm..
[pamela anderson lee] implants
[winnie the Pooh] cutesy
[anime stuff] the GOOD stuff!
[the whole clinton-lewinsky thing] mr president!
[supermodels] envy
[clowns] funny, but scary
[media violence] overexaggerated!
[mp3s] saves heaps of $$$

*if you were _______, what would you be?*
[an animal] cat
[a fruit] lychee
[a vegetable] potato
[a spice] cinnamon
[a color] off-white
[a bug] spider

*short answer*
[are you left handed or right handed?] right
[are you smart?] no
[whats your middle name?] Marie
[how many personalities do you have?] a couple
[how many piercings do you have?] 6
[are you superstitious?] yes
[do you read your horoscope?] everyday!
[can you do a cartwheel?] yeh…but not in a long time
[what languages do you know?] English, canto, some jap
[do you like onions?] no
[do you like cotton candy?] yeh
[what instruments can you play?] guitar…but suck at it!
[what words do you overuse?] really? F*off
[how many pillows do you have?] 2
[do you like to dance?] yeps with ma girlz
[do you like to sing?] yes…but no one will ever hear of it!
[are you any good at it?] errr…
[how many cds do you have?] a lot
[do you like to talk on the phone?] sometimes
[how many times have you moved houses?] 4
[what do you think of chain letters?] delete
[do you like where you live?] yeh
[is your room messy?] yeh…been studying
[how many people go to your school?] possibly 500,000 dunno
[do you like your writing?] sometimes
[do you like to fingerpaint?] miss the feeling
[do you sleep with a stuffed animal?] TEDDUMS!
[do you sleep with socks on?] no
[are you ticklish?] yes very
[are you shy?] yes
[do you talk to yourself?] I do…and get caught every now n then
[is your house 1, 2, or 3 stories?] 2
[do you have a basement or an attic?] attic
[did you go to preschool?] yes
[are you a morning person?] yeh…
[who has the sexiest voice in the world?] haven’t come across it just yet
[who has the most annoying voice in the world?] this girl I used to work with n she was just permanently nasel.
[do you believe in God?] sometimes
[do you believe in aliens?] yeh
[do you believe in ghosts?] nups
[do you believe in bigfoot?] PFFT!
[do you believe in the loch ness monster?] possibly
[whats your favorite feature (on yourself)?] my ears
[what do you do when you're nervous?] scrunch my hands
[whos your role model?] ummm…
[how old do you wish you were?] 17
[what will you name your daughter?] Bella
[son?] Charlie, Chris
[have you ever thought you were gonna die?] yes
wheres the farthest place you ever traveled?] m’sia
[where do you wanna go?] away with my frens on a roadtrip

*hard questions*
[would you rather burn to death or freeze to death?] freeze
[are best things in life free?] true…
[can money buy happiness?] buys things to make u temporarily happy
[do you think guys or girls have it easier?] guys
[would you eat a bowl of live crickets for $40,000?] maybe..with water
[if you had a band what would you name it?] something jap
[what do you wanna be when you grow up?] HR manager or owning my own business
[wanna go to uni?] I’m here
[where do you want to live?] near the beach or in an apartment in the CBD
[who do you love?] my family n frens
[who do you hate?] a person I used to love
[if you had to dye your hair right now, what color would you make it?] blonde – jap style
[if you had to get a body piercing right now where would it be?] eyebrow
[if you had to get a tattoo right now, what would it be?] my chinese name ‘an’ on the base of my neck
[if you got stuck on a deserted tropical island forever with one other person who would you want it to be?] my significant other which I have not found yet,

have done one of these in ages...brings such bittersweet memories of teenage years. Errr...I'm still 19...oops! Starting to feel life creep up on me recently.

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