Gimme a call
personal growth [t]
Hello Kitty [t]
Asian racism [t]
Tuesday. 10.23.07 11:55 pm
Oh my god, Halloween. I completely forgot about it. I saw Chloefoxx had a new entry, clicked it, and went "Crap".
A week ago, the special day passed by through my mind and I made a little wonderment, "Goth or Blood?"
Goth: Gel, spray highlights, layers, stripes/polka dots, heels of some sort, accessories, dramatic make-up, etc.
Blood: White dress that drapes, blood flow down a side of it or splatter--such as I killed someone or I'm bleeding.
gotta go. Night.
Sunday. 10.21.07 7:53 pm
I got my new glasses today. I don't like 'em. Much. T.T
Well, a'right. They ain't that bad. But I never disliked my glasses before...I just put 'em on, got used to the new 'look', and that was that. This time...I guess I liked the frame because it's a long rectangular frame and suited my bone structure, but the lens annoy me. For one thing, they're thicker than I'm used to and they give my headaches. Mother says that if they still give me problems tomorrow, we'll go back to the shop and tell them. See if we can lower the prescription or something. Problem is, the lenses cost more than the frames because of the prescription so I'm wondering if it'll cost another __bucks to get new ones, y'know? (Not that the frames were expensive, my mother's was more expensive--Emporio Armani. Thaaat's right. Always best for her, not as good for me. Heck, she got Transition Lens last time. And top-half frames. >.>)
Ehh, I'm outta here. Night.
Hellooo! Get a heart, damn it!
Tuesday. 10.16.07 4:09 pm
The part of Mulberry Street by Columbus Park in Chinatown has a number of funeral homes. So it's not unusual (far from it) to have funerals down that same block since that's where the wakes, etc. take place and the coffins go to the hearse. So what's with the HONKING?! Shut. UP! God damn it.
Y'all know about the temper tantrums right? Not mine, but you-know-who's. >.> So yes, next bout of anger has secured several things in close future.
1.) She's a bit worried about her job. She's suspicious about school attendence. She doesn't want to get fired.
=every morning takes me to school, then takes herself to work
"KIll two birds with one stone." That way she won't be late and she'll be sure of MY whereabouts.
2.) Hehehe, this is a funny one. Okay, not really. Remember that volunteer thing next week? Hehehe, her decision
=I'M NOT GOING. she say's 'Final decision.' Who knows if it is. What else? 'You're never going to do any more of that stuff. I'll call [your auntie] and tell her you're not going.'
Oh, wow. No volunteer work. You realize this is supposed to be punishment. Does that mean she's finally realized I like doing that stuff? I mean, come one, I've been doing it for years. If she has, why hasn't it changed her...perspective of me.
Oh, have I told you? A new revelation. It came a few months ago.
Mom: I don't know if you're a good or bad person.
Me: (Oh. She's finally said it...)
Whih basically means that if we were to go to trial and my mother comes up to the stand...
Lawyer: You're her mother. (subtext: You understand her best.) Do you think she did it?
Mom: I don't know. She could have. (Maybe on the raping, killing, dismembering a man and burying his parts in her grandfather's grave.)
Fuckin' bitch. Excuse my language.
Oh, and she had recently sort-of relented a bit on her NO TV declaration. I watched MYSTERY: Inspector Lyndley last Sunday and a few shows las night. Guess what? Zzzzzzp! Gone. ^-^ How wonderful.
Monday. 10.15.07 10:14 pm
My heart has skipped a beat before. At one time, it was the first time it happened, then, it happened again. Maybe three times in total it's happened so far. All within...the last two-three years? Yeah, I should really go use that referral I got from my doctor to go to a cardiologist. Except I kinda...lost it. Well, I still have the cardiologist's business card. I can call him and make an appointment, then get another referral from my doctor, and bring it in on my appointment. There, I made a plan. Now to put it into action.
I'm thinking about it now because I'm watching a piece on the human heart on PBS. About heart failure, heart attacks, and the resulting strokes. The heart pumps=RVD (right ventricle), LVD (left ventricle), B?VD (both ventricles). Heart transplants. The kids with heart problems, sudden cardiac arrest. A college student who had never had any heart trouble suddenly dropping to the floor and is basically dead for 10 min. He ends up getting an implantable defibrillator.
I need to get checked out. Not only has my heart skipped a few times, there's also heart arrhythmia--it's happened a couple of times. Also within the last two-three years, I suppose. It quickened or dawdled a millisec. too long, I suppose, but it's happened.
Not to worry, it's still what I would call rare. Maybe it was within the last four years or so. I don't have such a great sense of time passage these days. =P
So yes, yes, I'll go make that appointment soon. ^-^
Oh! I have an update for my schedule~! Banquet next week. Volunteer, of course. Everyone else has an assigned task after today's meeting. Only mine is not specifically fundraise-oriented. I'm what she (the one in charge, my 'auntie') calls her personal secretary/assistant. *eyeroll* All it means really is I'll be on call all night. *shrug* No difference. I've been to many many many fundraisers before; I know exactly what to do, and no duh I'll keep myself busy all night.
If there's a lull, I'll be giving subtle--hopefully my temper and patience will keep it subtle--directives to the volunteers. >.>If you can call them that. I am in high school; I am braver and take more initiative than these college 'volunteers'. What are they--twelve? I had more courage than they do when I was twelve. I was doing this stuff already--and more! Goodness me.
Haha, there was a little time for practice today towards the end of tonight's meeting. It was for the ushers to practice escorting the guests, honored individuals, and officials to there table. None of them could think of a way to do it on their own. Is it so hard to make a little 'small talk' during the thirty sec. it takes to get from one table to the next? We made it clear, there are only a few things you want them aware of--three things really--while being polite. Is that just so hard? *gasp* It must be!
Oy vey, whatever. Night-night, dears! Toodles! *blow kiss* theDot
Here I pray...
Sunday. 10.14.07 9:34 pm
Forgive my saying so, but I'm wishing for a military draft soon. Preferably before my eighteenth birthday, after if it must be, and only for me. (I have no malicious intent for anyone else to be drafted to their death--not that I'm wanting to die here) Anything to get out of this hell-hole. This place. Ugh.
Thursday. 10.11.07 9:12 pm
This little world of ours is very petty. Ever notice?
Example 1: I cut my hair
Result: First time I was ever accused of lying--TO MY FACE--of all things, by a security guard. First time I was ever accused of skipping a class--BY A TEACHER. First time a teacher (same one) said, "Oh, don't give me that emotional trip" like it was nothing (a different teacher had said that to me before, but she's a really close family friend and known for making kids cry/being a bitch, but that's a story for another time >.>)
Apparently, short hair makes me different from all the other asian kids. Asian girls are known for haveing long black hair. There are two types: ponytails usually mean good kids who study(or not, depending on their IQ), long straight hair meant unabashed girls always around guys--may or may not skip. I'm in the middle so I suppose they don't know how to make of me.
I've always been proud of what I was given. A face and personality that can juggle the expectations of both parts of me: the American side and the Chinese side. I can look like the sweet, innocent, obediant, proper asian daughter OR the 'hip', confident, New York gal. Not that I am 'hip' or use the word 'hip'. >.> Y'know, my most recent epiphany is that I won't be able to pull of the sweet, innocent, etc. thing in front of Americans anymore. They won't get it anymore. *shrug*
Now that I have short hair...it's not as easy to juggle. It's as if...I have a 'stylish' cut and now I'm not 'good', a 'good' girl in either circles anymore. Not that I fit properly into either in the first place, but no one else knew that. Now people just don't know how to deal or where to 'put' me.
Damn! 'Put' me. Stupid cateogories, otherwise known as stereotypes or generalizations. Have I ever told you guys how much I hate those? Wonderful, they're absolutely wonderful. They are like beautiful wild flowers in a sunny meadow. I wish...
Haha, this isn't the only example. I'm sure you can think of others, no need for me to go on and on. I can't think of any others at the moment anyway. XD Haha. Mm, this actually happened...last month. A few weeks ago, maybe two? Yeah...I was so pissed.
But like I said before, my anger comes and goes. It doesn't tangle my 'fur', if I had any. Well, unless someone brings it up and any inappropriate opinions/statements come out...*narrows eyes* Won't forget the New York parta me. In my face? Back atcha!
Ok, that should be enough. XD Good night!
--Eh-hem. Seems I can't spell today. Pretend you didn't see all those mistakes, will ya? Thanks. ;)
Monday. 10.1.07 7:48 pm
Way old update.
Last week, my glasses broke. Shocking, yes, I know. I wear glasses. PLease, close your mouths, it's not attractive. Anyway, I am wearing my contacts so I am perfectly fine. Getting new glasses soon. And I had a rebate thing for free Acuvue so I'm getting contacts, too.
Couple of days later, my cell phone screen cracks. Still haven't replaced it yet. Was going to get a new phone, but the one I want is three hundred bucks, plus my dad's a cheapskate. >.>
Starting to talk-type quick. Short sentences. Master is home and will kill if caght typing-onlappie-online.
Saturday. 9.22.07 3:52 pm
It doesn't feel very nice when you don't know what the other is feeling. I don't like grudges or anything. I might get mad, but it's over when my 'tantrum' is over or ten/five/fifteen min. pass. It's over, why keep it up? It's a waste of energy. In my mind, friends are friends no matter what.
However, not all think that way. My friend wanted something, but I never officially bought anything because her mind changed from week to week and soon it was a month past her birthday. I didn't want to get her something she didn't want. Finally, she told me it was already a month so she didn't want it anymore. So she brushed it off and life went on. Thing is, the next time we 'talked' it was over AIM and she didn't respond at first, then said she was mad at somebody. Left it at that and she could have been mad at anyone. I had a little feeling inside that told me there was a possibility she was made at ME. Only I didn't know for sure. I called her today about this volunteering thing. Said she couldn't make it and when I asked her what she wanted for Christmas(a number of us are buying stuff early...), she told me I didn't have to get her anything. I asked anyway and she said she didn't want anything. Feels like a rift is appearing, a nice yawning gap beside me...It doesn't feel nice.
For me, I'm friends with everyone and enemies with no one. Heck, my worst enemies are my ex-bfs and I still think of them as my friends. Seriously, time has passed and please, grow up. We were kids the last time we met, I dout we wouldn't be friendly if we saw each other now. *eyeroll* Anyway, I don't keep anger around with me so when others do that...not a nice feeling. I don't like it. *shrug* Better if love was around then hatred, jealousy or grudges. Ugly things.
Oh, I might be that way becasue of my mother, at least partially. She does that, too. I never know when her temper will flare or she'll smile or joke around or anything. Mood swings and things. So it's scary...all this aprehension. I hate it. I'm so so tired of it.
Haha, that might be why I like things out in the open. You know, when you watch movies and tow people are so obviously attracted to each other or someone is obviously lying and the other doesn't call them out on it...just get it over with already! It's not anything bad could happen. You won't die. Be honest, fer crissakes. I know how I feel/am, but I don't know about you. Yeesh.
Heh, I found the word. Aprehension. This 'journaling' is doing wonders for my forgetful vocabulary.
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