Forgive my saying so, but I'm wishing for a military draft soon. Preferably before my eighteenth birthday, after if it must be, and only for me. (I have no malicious intent for anyone else to be drafted to their death--not that I'm wanting to die here) Anything to get out of this hell-hole. This place. Ugh.

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This little world of ours is very petty. Ever notice?

Example 1: I cut my hair
Result: First time I was ever accused of lying--TO MY FACE--of all things, by a security guard. First time I was ever accused of skipping a class--BY A TEACHER. First time a teacher (same one) said, "Oh, don't give me that emotional trip" like it was nothing (a different teacher had said that to me before, but she's a really close family friend and known for making kids cry/being a bitch, but that's a story for another time >.>)

Apparently, short hair makes me different from all the other asian kids. Asian girls are known for haveing long black hair. There are two types: ponytails usually mean good kids who study(or not, depending on their IQ), long straight hair meant unabashed girls always around guys--may or may not skip. I'm in the middle so I suppose they don't know how to make of me.

I've always been proud of what I was given. A face and personality that can juggle the expectations of both parts of me: the American side and the Chinese side. I can look like the sweet, innocent, obediant, proper asian daughter OR the 'hip', confident, New York gal. Not that I am 'hip' or use the word 'hip'. >.> Y'know, my most recent epiphany is that I won't be able to pull of the sweet, innocent, etc. thing in front of Americans anymore. They won't get it anymore. *shrug*

Now that I have short hair...it's not as easy to juggle. It's as if...I have a 'stylish' cut and now I'm not 'good', a 'good' girl in either circles anymore. Not that I fit properly into either in the first place, but no one else knew that. Now people just don't know how to deal or where to 'put' me.

Damn! 'Put' me. Stupid cateogories, otherwise known as stereotypes or generalizations. Have I ever told you guys how much I hate those? Wonderful, they're absolutely wonderful. They are like beautiful wild flowers in a sunny meadow. I wish...

Haha, this isn't the only example. I'm sure you can think of others, no need for me to go on and on. I can't think of any others at the moment anyway. XD Haha. Mm, this actually happened...last month. A few weeks ago, maybe two? Yeah...I was so pissed.

But like I said before, my anger comes and goes. It doesn't tangle my 'fur', if I had any. Well, unless someone brings it up and any inappropriate opinions/statements come out...*narrows eyes* Won't forget the New York parta me. In my face? Back atcha!

Ok, that should be enough. XD Good night!

--Eh-hem. Seems I can't spell today. Pretend you didn't see all those mistakes, will ya? Thanks. ;)

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Way old update.

Last week, my glasses broke. Shocking, yes, I know. I wear glasses. PLease, close your mouths, it's not attractive. Anyway, I am wearing my contacts so I am perfectly fine. Getting new glasses soon. And I had a rebate thing for free Acuvue so I'm getting contacts, too.

Couple of days later, my cell phone screen cracks. Still haven't replaced it yet. Was going to get a new phone, but the one I want is three hundred bucks, plus my dad's a cheapskate. >.>

Starting to talk-type quick. Short sentences. Master is home and will kill if caght typing-onlappie-online.

Bye!

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It doesn't feel very nice when you don't know what the other is feeling. I don't like grudges or anything. I might get mad, but it's over when my 'tantrum' is over or ten/five/fifteen min. pass. It's over, why keep it up? It's a waste of energy. In my mind, friends are friends no matter what.

However, not all think that way. My friend wanted something, but I never officially bought anything because her mind changed from week to week and soon it was a month past her birthday. I didn't want to get her something she didn't want. Finally, she told me it was already a month so she didn't want it anymore. So she brushed it off and life went on. Thing is, the next time we 'talked' it was over AIM and she didn't respond at first, then said she was mad at somebody. Left it at that and she could have been mad at anyone. I had a little feeling inside that told me there was a possibility she was made at ME. Only I didn't know for sure. I called her today about this volunteering thing. Said she couldn't make it and when I asked her what she wanted for Christmas(a number of us are buying stuff early...), she told me I didn't have to get her anything. I asked anyway and she said she didn't want anything. Feels like a rift is appearing, a nice yawning gap beside me...It doesn't feel nice.

For me, I'm friends with everyone and enemies with no one. Heck, my worst enemies are my ex-bfs and I still think of them as my friends. Seriously, time has passed and please, grow up. We were kids the last time we met, I dout we wouldn't be friendly if we saw each other now. *eyeroll* Anyway, I don't keep anger around with me so when others do that...not a nice feeling. I don't like it. *shrug* Better if love was around then hatred, jealousy or grudges. Ugly things.

Oh, I might be that way becasue of my mother, at least partially. She does that, too. I never know when her temper will flare or she'll smile or joke around or anything. Mood swings and things. So it's scary...all this aprehension. I hate it. I'm so so tired of it.

Haha, that might be why I like things out in the open. You know, when you watch movies and tow people are so obviously attracted to each other or someone is obviously lying and the other doesn't call them out on it...just get it over with already! It's not anything bad could happen. You won't die. Be honest, fer crissakes. I know how I feel/am, but I don't know about you. Yeesh.

Heh, I found the word. Aprehension. This 'journaling' is doing wonders for my forgetful vocabulary.

theDot

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