Mommy,

I don't like it when you're not happy with me. I can't sleep or eat or anything if you're mad at me. I cry when you're mad at me, because you don't see me for who I am and keep being angry at me anyway even thgouh I dont want you angry. I do anything to stop you from being angry at me. I just want my mommy.

It hurts to know my mommy doesn't believe in me, she doesn't know if I'm good or bad. It really hurts to think that if it came to a murder trial and the prosecutor asks, "You're her mother, Do YOU think she did it?" You would say, "She could have. She might have."

Remember when Yang Jie told me, "Tell you mom everything, because she's the only one--" She got cut off there. And sometimes I wonder what she would have said. "...she's the only one who will stick by you/believe in you/(always) love you."? I don't know. And it hurts to think that maybe that isn't true for you.

It hurts that you think so low of me. Even when you are 'complimenting' me, you're still yelling at me at the same time. It hurts that you don't listen, you don't care. I just want a mommy. I never did anything irrepsonsibly or whatnot. I'm not like the normall teenagers and it hurts that you dont even see this. I'm a lot more mature than they are and so very different, but it means nothing to you because it's coming from me. There isn't even anyone out there who can vouch for me because no one really knows ME. I haven't found anyone I totally trust yet, not even my friends. Some of them know a little, but no one knows ME, everything-me. Because I'm scared. I've been hurt a lot by my closest friends and Im always trying to fit in and be accepted. Probably because I've never been like the other kids my age. Sometimes I even lie about things, simple pointless things that dont even matter to fit in. Not things like drugs, I mean like, my favortie color or a commercial I ddin't see or someting I didn't know about.

Mommy, I haven't found anyone yet. And i've been waiting, just waiting for that person to come and find me or me to find whoever they are.

And mommy, I want you. I want my mommy. I love you.

Your little itty bitty baby,
((Dot))

p.s. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!


----------------------------------------------------

Revelation - Aug. 8th, 2007

The above letter was written during an emotional half hour after 2-3 phone conversations with my mother. As usaual I began to cry during the conversation and it carried on to long afterwards. I predict my eyes will be quite red and swollen tomorrow morning...Ah, to get bak onto the subject at hand. The title of this part is 'Revelation', because I have just remembered a crucial part of our conversation (one of the main points of it) and its implications

She told me to stay away from Catherine. She told me she, Catherine, was a bad girl and thus, a bad influence. She told me to stay away from her--for fear of that influence.

The influence of a little spoiled immature 13-year-old over a mature responsible seventeen-year-old.

*blink, blink*

See the implications? Bascially, I am not sure of myself and have no identity and easily swayed by bad little girls. Hmm. Intriguing thought. Quite nice of her to say so nicely.

Oh, wait, she didn't mean it that way. It 's not what she was trying to say at all. It was her thought revealed to me through her words alone. ^-^ Nice.

Besides that there is also one other point. I'll be fully 'grown' in about a year. And according to what little I know about life, my mother really has no power over who I'm friends with. ^-^ Fact of life. She may rant, yell, scream, but she can't take my friends away. Really nothign she can is the point. *sigh* Too bad.


*Note: Letter never actually read by person*

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Today I got a mani+pedi. Well, fifteen min. ago really. And as I was getting ready to leave, the woman thought I needed help and bascially pushed the shoes on my feet and led me out the door. The result? Guess what! My pedi's ruined.
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

*cough* Yeah. Anyway, I didn't really like it that much. at first, I thought the color actually came out too dark and pretty much matched my new tan. >.> I thought it was better natural. =P Sooo I'm going to get rubbing alcohol and wipe off the folds of lavendar-y nail polish off my pretty toenails.

TAN-------> I went to the HK Dragonboat Festival this weekend. Got sunburnt yesterday--collarbone+neck and face. My forehead's darker than the rest, I think. And I've got the goggle thing going on. =D Well, it isn't that bad. I washed my face last night and it got whiter magically. Except for my forehead. Anyhoo...oh, and my team lost both youth races on Sat. *shrug* We weren't that good. The winning team practiced 4 times a week, two hours each practice. Whew! C-raaaazy. ;) Really serious stuff. My friend, R, was there and he's exhausted from all the practices and his two winnings. >.> And he's now got the bragging rights. ^-^ Haha.

OK, not much else to report on...Have a good August!
theDot

p.s. No, that dosen't mean I'll be gone for the rest of the month. You can't get rid of me that easily. *evil grin*

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Sure you're a stunner, but it's your kind heart that makes you a real beauty. Thoughtful and sincere, you connect easily with people and enjoy being around others. At parties, you like to work the room and make sure everyone is having a good time.

Strike up conversations with strangers? No problem. Show your new coworker great lunch spots? Of course! These are the kinds of things a sweetheart like you does without thinking. And your friendly spirit is what people find so enticing and gorgeous about you. That's beautiful!
--Tickle Test "What makes you luminous"

Thank you all for the comments. I'm not sure what they are, but the swelling has gone down and they don't bother me. I don't think...

Good night.
theDot

Plugs: ikimashokie, renaye, randomjunk, ShaShaBoo, iheartpullips, sphincterbutt, Southern, alexsedotcx, Nuttz, LostSoul13, ranor, Princess_00, invisible, sweetpeach

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Remember all the bites I had on me? Yeah...I have them AGAIN. >.>

oneeye(right) twolower lip threeear(left) fourbackhand(right) fiveunder wrist(right) sixunder wrist(left) sevenbicep(right) eightshoulder(left)

I think that's all. For now. *siiiiiigh* I'M GONNA KILL YOU. Whoever whatever you are. Seriously, I haven't found out what they are yet...I don't think they're mosquitos cuz I got a couple of those earlier this month--five on my face, three/four on my body--and they weren't this big or swollen. *shrug* I think it's spider. Hopfully, I won't/will turn into Spidergirl.

A little worry...maybe spider fell into ear cuz the bite was on inside of cartilage near hole...hmmm...

Ow! *slap* A bit itchy, pain, eh.
theDot

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